Brides Helping Brides ™ - Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

jennyg Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:13 AM

Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Okay, so I know I'm probably being ridiculous, but...one of my BMs who I've always had a love/hate relationship with (but also happens to be a friend I know the longest, hence lots of history here) just got engaged on Saturday. I was enagaged this past June and decided to wait until September to get married b/c May was already booked and good friends of ours are getting married in June and July. Well wouldn't you know she now wants to get married in either July or August. Of course I am dissappointed b/c we will have the exact same bridal party and alot of the same guests and ours will now be the last of four weddings. I know it shouldn't matter b/c I am marrying the guy I want to spend my life with and thats what's most important but I can't help feeling this way - like subconciously she's doing this on purpose. I am so evil but hoping that she won't be able to get a place with only seven months to plan. My mother even said she was surprised this girl didn't want to get married on my DATE!! Ha ha. Sorry for being a ***** but had to vent.

wacky Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:18 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Dont sweat it, you have a right to be mad, but dont get to consumed by it. Apparently your love hate relationship was for a reason. People do strange things all the time. Make sure your b party is aware of the fact that she is planning her wedding right before yours.

Just smile and watch every thing come into place

hotelcalie Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:21 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I know exactly how you feel! When I got engaged I wanted to get married in the Fall, but my friend was already booked for Octobe, so we went with Spring and then another friend got engaged in June and booked January!!!! It is soo annoying but there is nothing that can be done so don't worry about it.

Also my friend got engaged in August and booked for this July and had a HORRIBLE time getting a place..so your friend will have a hard time

Licia Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:27 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I don't think you are being ridiculous because this is how you feel. Just keep in mind that this is YOUR wedding and no matter how many people are getting married it will still be unique and special. And if you feel that she may copy your ideas, keep the quiet, keep everyone in suspence. Thats what I'm doing, there are a few things that know one knows that Im doing just to make the day even more special. You shouldn't let any one take ruin this special time for you.
I hope I helped, here is a hug

Fletch Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:36 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I think you have every right to be angry b/c she isn't giving your wedding the attention it deserves. I would talk to her about it and also make her aware of the cost burden on the other BM's to have weddings so close to eachother.

OctBride03 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:39 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I don't think you're being ridiculous at ALL!!!

A friend of mine got engaged last december, she is getting married next July because of her FH work schedule it was easier that way. I got engaged in June and getting married next October. I would've never dreamed of pushing my wedding before hers even though it was very easy to do so!

I know she would've been disappointed if I did so. Don't make yourself crazy over it, she obviously is NOT worth it! This is supposed to be the best time of your life - enjoy it, regardless of what she does!!!

dkga1026 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:39 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

i don't think you are unreasonable for being upset...but dont let this ruin your excitement for your big day....think of it this way - your wedding will be the last one and people will remember it most!! also, you have more time to plan and come up with original ideas!!!

Sassy Posted: Nov 25, 2002 10:58 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I would be upset too. 'friends' always have a way of trying to compete with us. So I would take the advice of everyone and enjoy concentrating on YOUR day. And keep quiet about your plans. The last thing you want is to have your ideas displayed at her wedding first.
I'm sure you'll be fine. Who knows, she may not even be able to get it altogether so quickly. Does she have any idea of how much work wedding planning is?

jennyg Posted: Nov 25, 2002 11:06 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Thanks so much everyone!!! Its difficult to talk to my BP about this b/c they are obviously friends with her as well and I don't want to seem petty (none of them are engaged yet and have no idea what its like). You guys are the best!!!

lulu Posted: Nov 25, 2002 11:19 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I don't think you are being ridiculous at all. I am in a similar situation with my FI's cousin. He just got enagaged this week and is getting married a month before us. I was annoyed about it, but I'm not going to let it really bother me.

Valenia Posted: Nov 25, 2002 11:52 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Ok I'm the only one who disagrees. (Its not the first time). I am of the belief that it is your DAY, not your YEAR. Or maybe your two weeks -- it would have been rude to disrupt your set honeymoon plans. Other then that, I think you are being a bit self centered. (you asked, forgive me if it sounds harsh). Maybe she wants a summer wedding, and not a winter wedding. Why should she have to compromise? I think you should focus on the positive and be glad to be the grand finale to a summer of great joy.

ssdare Posted: Nov 25, 2002 11:59 AM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I know what you are feeling and they are valid concerns. I got engaged and set my date for June 7, 2003. Then my older sister mentions to me in August that her and her boyfriend had been talking about getting married too and wondered if I would mind if they got married in April/May. Her reasons: they can't wait and July/August is too hot and they can't wait to until the fall time because 'cuz she wants to start trying to get pregnant 'cuz she's 38 and she gently throws in that she's older and therefore has the right. She also mentions that she might do a destination wedding so that it will be different and won't detract from my wedding. So I told her she had to give us at least a 1 month cushion. Well, lo and behold what does she do- no longer is there the idea of a destination wedding but a traditional wedding like mine in mid-April. Of course, my FH is very annoyed and thinks they are rude. Occasionally, I have evil thoughts too like I hope the weather still too cold so she can't have her ceremony outdoors like I'm planning to have mine. Oh also - we are each other's MOH - so with the timing as it is now I'm wondering if she will have time to throw my shower

What's done is done and I'm trying not think/worry about it too much since there's so much other things to do and why compound things further. I know as I keep focused on the big picture that everything will work out fine.

Rose Posted: Nov 25, 2002 12:07 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I have to agree with Valenia. Your day is your day and their day is their day. I've been to several weddinsg in the same family or friends circle that have been in the same month and it doesn't detract at all. There are plenty of good wishes to go around! Hope this helps!

natasha Posted: Nov 25, 2002 12:43 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Look at this situation as opportunity to learn from their mistakes and mishaps.

Good luck with the rest of your planning

susans Posted: Nov 25, 2002 12:44 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Maybe she's not trying to be spiteful.
Maybe, just like some of us always dream of having a Spring wedding or a fall wedding, her dream was to have a summer wedding and it had nothing to do with your wedding or your friends' weddings and everything to do with the fact that HER wedding is just as important to her as yours is to you and if choosing a certain month makes it that much more perfect than so be it, but her choice had nothing to do with wanting to be before you.
She's your friend. Be happy for her. All the weddings will be fabulous no matter how close or how far apart they are and you guys should just try and be as supportive as you can of each other.

Lysee Posted: Nov 25, 2002 12:49 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I am in a simular situation, my BM got engaged 3 months after me and new that I was looking to get married in October, We were 'thinking' about changing our date to November because of costs and while we were 'thinking' she went and booked a place for Octoebr 4th when we were planning on October 11 th!! And to top it off I am her maid of honor, so I ended up changing my date to the last weekend in November so we would not have issues.
It is rude and inconsiderate but some people are just like that.Selfish!

sept20yay! Posted: Nov 25, 2002 01:29 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Okay--- This is my story--- the other side of the coin. My FH spent three months planning how he was going to propose to me.... He and his family picked out the ring and he had had reservations all set up to propose to me one Saturday. The Tuesday before that unbeknownst to us, his groomsmen proposed to one of my bridesmaids and best friend. So they got engaged before us.... However, my FH was faced with a tough situation.... Should he put off proposing because they got engaged (if so, for how long?) because we would now be stealing their thunder and her time.... In the end, he did propose that Saturday and my friend got really upset... She said we stole her day, her time even though he had been planning it forever. (One could also look at it like my special day was a little overshadowed!)... My friend felt, throughout the planning since it was pretty much in the same time frame, that she should have her pick of days before us and we should actively avoid one month before or after us..... I really didn't mean to upset my friend! I didn't know when I was being proposed to! But then when we were engaged, what were we supposed to do? Wait six months after hers? I mean, I really wanted to be married. I can't wait to make my FH my family for real and can't wait to share my life as husband and wife! I love my friend but I can't reasonably put my plans on hold for her wedding. Mine is just as important.

jennyg Posted: Nov 25, 2002 01:58 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

Okay okay - I get it....I will not be spiteful from here on out. I suppose she just wants a summer wedding and luckily it will be in a different location than mine and as long as she gets married before Labor Day I'm fine with it. But deep down I still wish I were getting married before her!!

ChristineC68 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:03 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I understand where you are coming from and feel bad that you are upset by it. I see from your last post that you are trying to be positive about it - now you will have someone that will truly understand everything you are going through with the planning and you can go through the process together.

My cousin did the same thing to me. I was thrilled he was getting married and grateful that he left 3 months between our wedding and his wedding since his was in California.

KarenK122 Posted: Nov 25, 2002 02:07 PM

Re: Vent - Am I being ridiculous?

I might be in the minority here but I really don't think it should bother you when your friend wants to get married. Every wedding is different and special in its own way and having hers a month or two before yours won't change the magic of your day. When I got married the first time (this is my second marriage) we went to 17 weddings in the span of 24 months, including ours, and we have a great time at all of them. It can be fun planning with your friends!!!