VENT (BM) and ADVICE

First - although your situation might stink - you cant control the colors she picks or the dresses she picks, and esp her decision to have a baby.

They are only colors and dresses - there is a lot more to wedding besides that - and it is NOT worth ruining a friendship over - trust me! Your weddings will still be diff and unique - but no bride owns a BM dress, bridal gown, color, or reception hall.

As for the baby - my best friend got pregnant in June and just gave birth - I couldnt have it any other way - and if she gets pregnant - you need to think about having her there. My BM dropped right before she gave birth - and it lasted an hour bc having her there all humongo and all is SOO worth it to me - she has to be there.

And remember too- bc she wants a HM baby doesnt mean shell concieve - so that doesnt mean shell be 9 mons or preggo at all!

I know I am thinking the worst. I have no problem with anyone being pregnant at all. I am just worried if it is 8-9 months. Also, we have a rowdy bridal party so I worry with the smoking, loud behavior and drinking - everything - will be very rough for her and I dont know how to make it easier. You are right about a honeymoon baby not always happeneing - lately I am always thinking the worst.

I agree that nothing is owned which is why I told her to go for the color and not worry if she ends up doing what I am doing first. (I got engaged earlier so more of my stuff was set). I know it is somewhat illogical but as things have pilled up I think I discovered that they quite illogically bother me even though they should not.

I know it may feel like she is not thinking of you at all in this, but try not to let it upset you. One of my BMs (I was her MOH a few years ago) is now pregnant and due a month after my wedding. When I asked her to be in the wedding she told me she was probably going to try and concieve and did I still want her? Same thing with 2 other girls. I told all of them YES I still wanted them in the wedding pregnant or not...as long as they were comfortable with it. Just remember, clearly she was important enough for you to ask her to be a BM, it really won't matter if she is pregnant or not. Two of my other BMs also told me they were trying. Well now it is less than 5 months and one of them is pregnant andhad to drop out and the other two are still trying. I actually wish the other 2 were pregnant b/c I know how badly they want to start a family and how thrilled I would be for them if they could. I wish my friend who had to drop out could still be in my wedding and in fact she can't even come since she is OOT and can't travel so close to her due date.

Remember having a baby is a wonderful thing and it will not detract at all from your own wedding. Also as far as colors..even with the same color I'm sure your dresses will be different and so many other little things will be just your own that it will not matter in the end if your friend had the same color.

ETA: I just saw your new post. Talk to her about it and see if she is okay with the idea of being 8/9 months pregnant and in a BP party. Clearly since this is just a possiblity you still have plenty of time to figure out all of it. I think it nice that you are concerned for her and the partying aspect, but if she feels ok about it then don't worry it will all work out.

Thanks girls. Maybe I just need to remind her that the group is so rowdy and that although I can't do much about it, if she can work with it, I am happy to have her if it still works for her and that if it gets to the point where it does not - she should let me know.

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Posted by 09BridetoBe

Thanks girls. Maybe I just need to remind her that the group is so rowdy and that although I can't do much about it, if she can work with it, I am happy to have her if it still works for her and that if it gets to the point where it does not - she should let me know.

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I think that is a good way to handle it. I'm sure things will work out for the best and that you will have an amazing day.

I hear you!!!

My BM is coming with her 2 month old and the night before the wedding im spending it with her and her baby and were having our own bach party - low key - just us together - away from the rowdyness!

Thats also an option! I am seeing how she feels with those kinds of things and if she can she can and if she cant she cant. But im looking forward to that night hanging with her - she happens to be my very first friend i ever had when i turned 1 and moved into the house i am in now

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Posted by madseason

I hear you!!!

My BM is coming with her 2 month old and the night before the wedding im spending it with her and her baby and were having our own bach party - low key - just us together - away from the rowdyness!

Thats also an option! I am seeing how she feels with those kinds of things and if she can she can and if she cant she cant. But im looking forward to that night hanging with her - she happens to be my very first friend i ever had when i turned 1 and moved into the house i am in now

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That is fab. You sound like a wonderful and supportive friend to her. I admire that you are so unselfish!!!

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Posted by 09BridetoBe

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Posted by madseason

I hear you!!!

My BM is coming with her 2 month old and the night before the wedding im spending it with her and her baby and were having our own bach party - low key - just us together - away from the rowdyness!

Thats also an option! I am seeing how she feels with those kinds of things and if she can she can and if she cant she cant. But im looking forward to that night hanging with her - she happens to be my very first friend i ever had when i turned 1 and moved into the house i am in now

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That is fab. You sound like a wonderful and supportive friend to her. I admire that you are so unselfish!!!

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Thats bc she is my BF and it hought i was fine if she dropped but i couldnt imagine my day without her.

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Posted by 09BridetoBe

Thanks girls. Maybe I just need to remind her that the group is so rowdy and that although I can't do much about it, if she can work with it, I am happy to have her if it still works for her and that if it gets to the point where it does not - she should let me know.

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That's a good way to look at it.

You are lucky in a way that you know its even a remote possibility. You should really be happy that she wants to be there for you.

I would have had 3/4 pregnant BM's at my wedding. My BFF (from OOT) was due less than a month after my wedding and unfortunately didn't make it to my wedding. She gave birth late January to twins and they are and will be in the hospital for a while.

Then my sister (MOH) got pregnant (she's 3 months) AND the day of my wedding I found out my SIL was ALSO 4 months prego.

I am sooooo happy for all of them, but I know it was harder on them than me. The one ordered a dress and couldn't even wear it. My sister had to have it altered several because it didn't fit.

I understand your concern, but I think you should cross that bridge when you get to it instead of burning it down.

I have found that no matter how hard you try to make things perfect, or exactly the way you want them for your wedding it never ever works.

Roll with it, and expect bumps and curves.

It sounds to me like she is caught up in her own happiness. After her own wedding she could very well have a new appreciation for everything you are going through and be the best BM ever!

keep us posted and good luck!