VENT Future In Laws (Kind of Long)

Y'all... FH and I got engaged two months ago... and his parents show NO interest in my wedding. His mom lives in FL.. so I understand it's hard to help out from all the way out there, so I'm cutting some slack until I meet her...

But my FFIL? He's selfish. I was a witness at his wedding in April (3rd marriage) but he has yet to help out or offer any congratulations in any way. We had a BBQ today and as a show of good faith I invited FFIL FBIL and FFILs wife. They came, they ate, they spoke with each other and left. I went over and said hello to them, made sure to thank them for coming... but they didn't try to talk to us or mingle in any way.

I just think it's so crappy that my mom (dad has passed) and MY family are supporting us so much and helping us out, but we're getting no help or support from FHs family at all.

I am trying not to resent FH for it, but it's really hard to see my family so excited and helpful when his isn't... I kind of think this is unfair.

What do I do? I'm pretty upset about this... and I don't like feeling all this negativity.

sorry windy, that's awful. Unfortunately we can not change peoples ways. They have to want to share in your happiness. I know it's hard but just keep focusing on the joining of the union between u and FH and the support u have from your family. Just let that be your motivation because if they don't go out their way to engage u in conversation or share excitement in your day then that is their loss. Just out of curiosity, what does FH think about it?

btw: this is my 2nd time typing this because when i went to reply the 1st time, my internet stalled.

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Posted by Goldie39

sorry windy, that's awful. Unfortunately we can not change peoples ways. They have to want to share in your happiness. I know it's hard but just keep focusing on the joining of the union between u and FH and the support u have from your family. Just let that be your motivation because if they don't go out their way to engage u in conversation or share excitement in your day then that is their loss. Just out of curiosity, what does FH think about it?

btw: this is my 2nd time typing this because when i went to reply the 1st time, my internet stalled.

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I've broached the subject but I don't want to have a 'Your dad s u c k s' discussion, because it's not fair... it's not HIS fault.

He really doesn't know how I feel because I don't know how to bring it up without pointing fingers or making him feel bad for something that is out of his control.

But *I* feel badly for my family, they're coming up big in every way (we're paying ourselves, but they are helping with all of the planning) and then they see FHs parents not lifting a finger.

I know, its terrible. Unfortunately there are all types out there. Some people are just so caring, and some have no tact whatsoever. Just think about how FH must feel . Also, just remember in the grand scheme of things, its a small price to pay to spend the rest of your life with the man you love. All you have to do is be supportive of him and know that at least you have your family behind you always.

some people are just not very helpful. I know its a hard convo to have, but if its bothering you so much (its clear that it is), you really need to talk to fh about it. try to aproach him in a relaxed, non-emotional way so it doesnt get out of hand. im so sorry that they're like that! at least we all have eachother for support

i'm in the same boat you're in sweetpea. my parents are helping us BIG time and his aren't. Granted his dad & stepmom will a little if they can BUT his mom won't. She says she has no $$ but just bought a 2nd house, brand new truck and a new boat. Hmmmmmmm. I still never got a congratulations from her.

'ive done the 'your mom' ***** conversation and I haven't gotten anywhere

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Posted by Alyssa79

i'm in the same boat you're in sweetpea. my parents are helping us BIG time and his aren't. Granted his dad & stepmom will a little if they can BUT his mom won't. She says she has no $$ but just bought a 2nd house, brand new truck and a new boat. Hmmmmmmm. I still never got a congratulations from her.

'ive done the 'your mom' ***** conversation and I haven't gotten anywhere

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I've broached the subject a little, and get tired of hearing 'they don't have it' when his DAD bought his new wife an engagement ring in December, and all new furniture for the house, and trips for him and his new etc... etc. If he's using credit for that stuff, he can certainly get with a cash advance... and hey, OK, no money... fine... a little congratulations and INTEREST would be nice. Ask how it's going... offer to do SOMETHING.

Mom's in FL, and all I hear about is china and the kitchen aid mixer, but I don't see anything... no card, no email nothing... I do hear about how his little brother gets WII and all sorts of stuff... Awesome.

I know that *****. I have a similiar situation, it was really bad with Fh's mom. I try to always keep a positive attitude. This is your time to shine and your day, don't let ANYONE ruin it. Just keep telling yourself that over and over.

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Posted by windyBride33

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Posted by Alyssa79

i'm in the same boat you're in sweetpea. my parents are helping us BIG time and his aren't. Granted his dad & stepmom will a little if they can BUT his mom won't. She says she has no $$ but just bought a 2nd house, brand new truck and a new boat. Hmmmmmmm. I still never got a congratulations from her.

'ive done the 'your mom' ***** conversation and I haven't gotten anywhere

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I've broached the subject a little, and get tired of hearing 'they don't have it' when his DAD bought his new wife an engagement ring in December, and all new furniture for the house, and trips for him and his new etc... etc. If he's using credit for that stuff, he can certainly get with a cash advance... and hey, OK, no money... fine... a little congratulations and INTEREST would be nice. Ask how it's going... offer to do SOMETHING.

Mom's in FL, and all I hear about is china and the kitchen aid mixer, but I don't see anything... no card, no email nothing... I do hear about how his little brother gets WII and all sorts of stuff... Awesome.

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oy i completely sympathize. Sounds like the same family LOL.

when FH's little bro came up for 2 weeks from SC we just found out from FH's big mouth sister that good ole Mom gave the sis $100 spending money to take little bro out and do everything and we didn't get crap. it put us in the hole really badly. and he's coming up again in a month. i told FH to ask dear old mom for $$ this time. I can't afford to feed another person (and a big one at that).

let's see this argument lol

I am going to just get over it. I talked about it with FH, but told him not to say anything to FFIL. It'll make it worse, trust me. He knows how I feel, and will take it into consideration. Like Christine said, it's best not to even get me started... so FH and I are just going to enjoy our engagement and not even worry about FFIL. He's just jealous that I get to have the big wedding he always wanted... He always asks FH why we didn't get married by a Justice of the Peace at Town Hall and save the money...

I tell FH to tell him not to worry about it, it's our money we'll do what we want, and if FFIL is so against big weddings he doesn't have to come.