Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
tiffandmatt
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Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
My best friend has always had a million negative things to say about every friends wedding that we have ever attended: That one's ceremony was too long, that one didn't have a big enough dance floor, that one picked bad color BM dresses, and so on. She went as far as to back out of a friends wedding party with no explanation, 1 week before the wedding!!!
So I knew I was next on her list. In her opinion my choice in dresses are too expensive, I'm looking at ones for around 300-500, average I would say. Also she keeps saying that it's going to be sooo hot standing outside for pictures, she asked why choose the month I did!? It's stupid I'm considering a buffet. Ummm. . it's my wedding!
I think its cause she never had a big celebration of her own, she and her husband had a quicky ceremony at town hall. For months after, she keep saying her hubby was gonna give her a big wedding, that was 3 years ago. And he has proved to be less than prince charming. I feel bad, but I need help I can't take the attitude anymore!
I just want her to be happy and excited for me and all our other girlfriends. She does mean alot to me, but this is ll making me want to distance myself from her, to be with the ones who really care. How can I bring this up to her and not get in a fight????
October Bliss
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
I don't know if there is any way to bring it up without starting a fight. You could try asking her why she is so negative about everything, or you could just tell her thank you for her concern about the heat in July, and explain that you considered that but decided the month was just too beautiful to pass up. Show her some Eve of Milady dresses and tell her you love them but since they start at $2500 you decided to be reasonable and stick with the 300-500 price range, as for the buffet, tell her you want the guests to be able to eat all of the selections (and get seconds) and not just get stuck with one entree. Make sure you say everything with a smile, but have a snappy comeback for each negative remark.
waterspout4
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Is that 300-500 for BM dresses?!?!?!
If it's your gown, why does she care how much you spend for it?
Anyway, you need no excuse or comeback for why you are doing things. (In my opinion) It's your wedding!! If she continues being negative, after reminding her it's your wedding, it might be best to make her a guest. In fact, ask her if she'd rather be a guest. Maybe she would and that would give her the opportunity to back out. Brides need no negativity from those that are there to be by her side.
ChrissynRicky
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
You can't force people to be happy for you. That is a genuine feeling that people give. You can't expect her to be happy for your wedding and your friends - she has to do that on her own.
This friend of yours seems to be negative about everyone's wedding b/c she's simply jealous. Which, in my opinion has every right to be. She probably feels that she missed out on one of the largest events of her life and her way of coping with it is by passing judgement on everyone else.
As far as what you can do to stop her negativity - it's not much. You can speak to her and tell her that you don't understand why she always speaks in a negative manner about everyone's wedding, most especially yours. You can ask her kindly not to offer her opinion, most especially when it's not asked of her. You can avoid being around her. There's no reason that this supposed friend needs to 'rain on your parade' and add anymore stress than already exists.
It's your wedding, and you can do anything you want.
Finally, IMHO - if she's one of the BM's, and you're looking at $300-$500 BM dresses, I'd be biotching up a storm as well. That, I cannot blame her on.
september2004
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
simply tell her she is hurting your feelings with all the criticisms. if i had to take a guess i would probably agree with your friend (i/m super negative when it comes to all the pomp and circumstance with weddings), but i have learned to keep my mouth shut. people are different and place value on different things and that should be respected!
question - is she a BM? does she have to shell out $300-$500 for a dress? if so, i would make an attempt to understand what she's comfortable with paying as courtesy goes both ways. i know when i was planning my wedding i didn't want my girls to spend lots of money so i took it upon myself to cover dress expenses. i'm not saying everyone should do that, just saying that it was something that was important to me.
gigles319
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
some people are only happy when they are negative. Try and ignore all the negative
BRIDEMICHELE
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Posted by gigles319
some people are only happy when they are negative. Try and ignore all the negative
I agree. And I want to add that she sounds very jelous. It's sad that things didn't turn out for her but if she's a friend she should suck it up for you. She should be positive and happy for you and that is not a lot for you to ask. If she continues to complain, I'd give her to option to back out of being a bridesmaid. If she cancelled on someone else last minute, she might to the same for you so I'd sit her down and be like 'if you don't want to do this, then save us all the aggrevation and back down'
7706bride
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Don't worry too much. that is just some people. I find that some are so Hyper- critical of weddings. I mean let's face it, I look at every detail of a wedding too...BUT some people can do it in a very negative way where they are almost TOO critical. For example i recently went to a wedding where the guests that i sat with commented of everything this bride did....from the CP's to the CH to the MOB dress...MOG dress...food ...choices of food....dessert...cake.........Their comments were from GOOD---Horrible...it's crazy and it makes me feel so bad when i see someone tear apart a wedding, when it takes so much thought and effort in the first place. I mean, let's face it, we do not all have the same taste, but who cares... Don't let it bother you too much!
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
it sounds to me like she's jealous of everyone's wedding because she didn't have one.
don't let her get you down. and $300-$500 for a wedding gown is NOT overly expensive.
if I were in your situation, honestly, I wouldn't ask her to be in the BP. you don't need someone like that around to get you down.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Just brush off her comments. Obviously you know she has some issues, so I wouldn't be concerned. Is the 300-500 for your dress or BM dresses? If its for yours, what does she care what you spend. (and also not expensive at all) If its for BM's, then honestly, I do think thats on the expensive side.
pinkstar025
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
shemight be a little jealous.....i wouldnt complain like that...but i do think $330-$500 is truley a lot of money to spend considering she still has to spend somuch more on everything else on top......but i wouldnt sit and complain to you, thats not really fair
Goldi1021
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
There are always people who are prepetually miserable in regard to happy occasions. I have one friend who always mutters how she won't ever get married every time anything remotely relationship or wedding-related pops up. Or that she will be alone and lonely forever. So I have made an effort not to discuss it around her. This is the happiest time in your life, don't let anyone bring you down.
nferrandi
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
To be honest $300-500 for a BM dress is NOT average. As far as the other things, i would tell her that if she doesn't have something nice to say or contribute than to polease keep her two cents to herself.
PegaLega
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
I know a girl who is negative about EVERYTHING!! She likes being that way otherwise she wouldnt be like that I think part of the problem is she never had a big wedding. There is always someone who is going to be jealous of what you are doing and how you are going about planning your wedding. Tell her you dont appreciate her negative attitude towards your wedding-and if she has something to say-ask her if she would prefer to be a guest. I think that is the best route to go. You dont need her standing next to you while you are getting your hair done b!tching about everything. The last thing you need is for her to get on you nerves!
LuckyMe
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Im sooo sorry. I have family that does this. I dont see how not to hurt her feelings or start an arguement but it seems to me that it needs to be done or she is gonna make you miserable. Your probably right though it might be because she's unhappy with her situation. I hope it works out for you. I lost my bestfriend, godmother to my kids just because I think she was jealous that I was getting what she always wanted.
tiffandmatt
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Posted by waterspout4
Is that 300-500 for BM dresses?!?!?!
If it's your gown, why does she care how much you spend for it?
Sorry, I meant I am looking at wedding dresses from around $300-$500. Yes she is BM, I have 5 girls in total, 2 sisters, 2 cosuins and her. All my girls are different sizes, as well as in diffrent finalical situations, they wouldn't all look good in the same dress. I asked only that they get the same color and material, and if possible the same designer. I would never ask them to pay that much for a BM dresses. I want them all to be comfortable and not broke at the end of my wedding.
She just keeps telling me that I should look for a cheaper wedding dress, because I'm only wearing it once and $500 seems so expensive. Expensise?! There was just an article in the New York Post today and the bride had an $8,000 gown on!
EJSD2006
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
OMG! I'm going thru the same thing! One of my best friends seemed sooooooo jealous when i told her that I had gotten engaged! She'd ask me how the wedding plans are going and then give me attitude or criticize my choices after I would tell her. Eventually, I got so fed up I just confronted her and told her if she was going to be like that then I didn't want her in my bridal party b/c bridesmaids are supposed to help not hurt. We talked it out and now 2 months later, she just got engaged and is planning an '07 wedding. She said she wants me to help and wants the business cards of all of the people I've already hired! Is it wrong that I feel like she's stealing my thunder?
tiffandmatt
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Posted by BRIDEMICHELE
Posted by gigles319
some people are only happy when they are negative. Try and ignore all the negative
I agree. And I want to add that she sounds very jelous. It's sad that things didn't turn out for her but if she's a friend she should suck it up for you. She should be positive and happy for you and that is not a lot for you to ask. If she continues to complain, I'd give her to option to back out of being a bridesmaid. If she cancelled on someone else last minute, she might to the same for you so I'd sit her down and be like 'if you don't want to do this, then save us all the aggrevation and back down'
I have been thinking of asking her to just be a guest instead of a BM. I knew how she had acted towards other friends weddings, but I hoped since we are best friends she would not act that way. I was wrong. I don't really want her out of the wedding, but I am feeling so distant from her lately over the whole thing, she is such a downer.
tiffandmatt
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Posted by alnem
OMG! I'm going thru the same thing! One of my best friends seemed sooooooo jealous when i told her that I had gotten engaged! She'd ask me how the wedding plans are going and then give me attitude or criticize my choices after I would tell her. Eventually, I got so fed up I just confronted her and told her if she was going to be like that then I didn't want her in my bridal party b/c bridesmaids are supposed to help not hurt. We talked it out and now 2 months later, she just got engaged and is planning an '07 wedding. She said she wants me to help and wants the business cards of all of the people I've already hired! Is it wrong that I feel like she's stealing my thunder?
I know excactly how you feel! It's as if she is only happy for you now that she isn't being 'left behind'. I would feel like she was stealing my thunder too. My friend seems so jealous because she never got to have the big celebration that I'm going to have. I know that my freind would be complety satifed if I were to tell her tomorrow that all of a sudden the wedding was off, or I was getting married at town hall like her. It's as if she likes to see other people not get what they wanted. Grrrrrrr!
nferrandi
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Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!
Wow! This girl does not sound like a very good friend. I think you really need to talk to her about her negativity. Tell her that she's really bringing you down and if she can't be happy for you and supportive than you would rather she just be a guest at the wedding.
