Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

Original post by tiffandmatt

Sep 25, 2005 12:32 AM

My best friend has always had a million negative things to say about every friends wedding that we have ever attended: That one's ceremony was too long, that one didn't have a big enough dance floor, that one picked bad color BM dresses, and so on. She went as far as to back out of a friends wedding party with no explanation, 1 week before the wedding!!!

So I knew I was next on her list. In her opinion my choice in dresses are too expensive, I'm looking at ones for around 300-500, average I would say. Also she keeps saying that it's going to be sooo hot standing outside for pictures, she asked why choose the month I did!? It's stupid I'm considering a buffet. Ummm. . it's my wedding!

I think its cause she never had a big celebration of her own, she and her husband had a quicky ceremony at town hall. For months after, she keep saying her hubby was gonna give her a big wedding, that was 3 years ago. And he has proved to be less than prince charming. I feel bad, but I need help I can't take the attitude anymore!

I just want her to be happy and excited for me and all our other girlfriends. She does mean alot to me, but this is ll making me want to distance myself from her, to be with the ones who really care. How can I bring this up to her and not get in a fight????

EJSD2006 Posted: Sep 25, 2005 12:58 PM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

What an awful thing to say!!! You should've said something to her right then and there! She's supposedly your best friend, she's supposed to be overjoyed that you are preparing for the biggest day of your life. As far as stealing my thunder goes...I haven't called her or sent her a congrats card yet (she just moved out of state) b/c I do feel like she's taking away from my time to shine! As her wedding gets closer, maybe I'll offer to help but for now I'm worrying about my own plans.

PS - Maybe if you just dont talk to your friend for a while, she'll get the point.

nferrandi Posted: Sep 25, 2005 01:00 PM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

Posted by alnem

I haven't called her or sent her a congrats card yet (she just moved out of state) b/c I do feel like she's taking away from my time to shine! As her wedding gets closer, maybe I'll offer to help but for now I'm worrying about my own plans.

QUOTE]

I know it can be frustrating when it feels like someone is stealing you thunder, but don't be resentful. Your wedding will be spectacular and even if she uses some of your vendors, you'll still be the first one to use them.

Ms. B2B Posted: Sep 25, 2005 01:38 PM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

You can't let anyone with negative views ruin the happiness that you're feeling right now. Yes, she's you're best friend, but if she's truly you're friend, then you should be able to talk to her and let her know that at this point, you need her support in planning, keeping calm, etc. Let her know how important she is to you and how much you value her opinion, but tell her that if she can't express her views without the harsh negativity, then you will be forced to exclude her in the planning because you're going through enough stress as it is. I know how much her presence means to you, but it's YOUR WEDDING and you should have it YOUR WAY.

BKtoLI Posted: Sep 25, 2005 02:27 PM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

Posted by tiffandmatt

Get this: I'm a size 5-6, I have a cute little shape. My friend on the other hand has a 2 year old, she went from 120 pounds to almost 200 pounds during pregancy, and has not lost any of it 2 years later. She has told me that whe can't wait for me to get pregant and really fat, so that I loose my cute shape, and then she said then I'll just laugh at you!!!!!!!!! Isn't that weird??!!! I guess what they say is true misery loves company!

I'm sorry but if any of my friends ever said anything like this to me, regardless of how many years of history was there, I would have something nasty to say back or cut them off completely. It's obvious she is miserable because she lost out on the wedding she thought she should have had and that now all her friends are having. And she is miserable that you look better than she does right now.

Next time she starts up with the negativity, I would say 'Can you stop being so critical and jealous for one moment to just help me and be supportive like a real friend would be?'

tiffandmatt Posted: Sep 25, 2005 04:32 PM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

Thanks for all your advice ladies. I really appreciate it.

JennJay Posted: Sep 26, 2005 08:28 AM

Re: Vent (long) Need Help!! People who are always negetive about weddings!!

I know it is so hard, but really try to ignore all her negative comments. Most people like that are only like that because they are so down on themselves that they need to bring you down with them. This is obviously a great time in your life and you are probably so extremely happy and she probably sees that. She is jealous. So just try to ignore her. But even if you can't....... Don't let her ruin your happy planning!!!