Brides Helping Brides ™ - Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:16 PM

Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

does not want to bePart of my wedding. (This is Long)

I have known her since high school. And yet, we don't talk everyday on the phone, I considered her my closest friend because no matter how much time had gone by we always kept in touch. HOwever, when I told her I was getting married...she congratulated me and it didn't really sound sincere. I asked her to be my MOH and she said yes. ( By the way..she lives in Tx in the town I grew up)

So shortly afterwards, my fh and I went to TX to visit my parents. While I was visiting, I called numerous times to my moh and she never called me back@! She finally called when I got to NY! I was in TX for over a week. When she called, she didn't even apologize or gave any explanation, and she was acting so weird. I thought for sure she was going to back out! Then she mentioned she probably could not hold up to MOH duties (for financial reasons) by throwing Bacholorette party, shower, etc. She asked...What am I suppose to do? All I wanted her was to be by my side on my wedding day when I turn into bridezilla. I even offered to pay 1/2 her dress. And I even gave her out if she wanted one. But, she said...'no, ill be your maid of honor'

Well, since then....I have sent an engagement announcement, a bridal shower invitation, a letter about the bridesmaid dresses which indicated when my deadline for ordering dresses(which was last week) and I have made numerous phone calls to her. I have received NO replies, no congratulation card, no RSVP as of yet to my shower, no response to my letter and no return phone calls!! I am really upset and hurt. I called her this evening and she picked up and she said 'Im taking a nap could I call you back.' ARgghhh!! I am so freaking annoyed! NOw, I don't want her in the wedding because actions speak louder than words! The only thing I could think why she is upset is maybe because she is jealous or envious. She has been in a deadend relationship for about 9 years! I'm sorry this was long..but, Ihad to vent!!

prncssrachel Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:19 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

I think you hit your own nail on the head....

The only thing I could think why she is upset is maybe because she is jealous or envious. She has been in a deadend relationship for about 9 years!

Personally, as hard as it may be, I think maybe you need to resign her from her position as MOH. JMHO.

teachertime Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:20 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Judy,

I think it may be time to find another MOH. I agree with you that actions speak louder than words and you need someone who will be supportive of you. Since your date is coming up I would have a heart to heart with her and just tell her that it seems the distance may be a problem, and you would love for her to still be a part of your wedding but just not in that role.

Do you have another close friend or relative that could help?

Good luck!

Chris

swags1016 Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:26 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

I am sorry that you are going through this! Is it possible that something else could be wrong? Something that she has not told you? Has she always been like this when something great happened to you? If she has then I would say jealousy if not I would try talking to her.

If not you may need to get someone else.

I am sorry

dino1109 Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:27 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Oh this is definitely a hard situation. I think it as come to an end though. I would at this point leave a message on her machine- telling her she is out- you have tried for so long to be nice and open. I feel you need to replace her. I f you dont have any other close freinds to do this - than ask you mother. I think she would be honored and you know she'll be by your side forever!

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:27 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Teacher time,
Actually, I have a large bridal party and I have been MOH to 4 of the girls in my wedding. I wanted a Matron but didn't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. ( I'm considered their best friends) So I don't want to have to choose. ON top of that, my sil and fsil are in the bridal party and I am sure they would have hurt feelings if they were not chosen. I have a great support group...my bridal party with the exception of my MOH. Every single one of them are excited to be in my wedding! By the way, they all live in TX. So I am not close to anyone in NY like the way I am to my girls in my bridal party. ONe of my girls mentioned that she would be Matron of Honor if my MOH backed out. That was sweet! Ill just have 6 matrons! LOL just kidding

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:30 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Dino, if she had an answer machine I would of left a message. She has caller ID, and she has told me that she doesn't want to get a machine because that will allow people to leave a message, when she doesn't want to return calls. She has said this to me before, and with that said....I guess that includes me.

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:32 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Princess Rachel, I think I did hit the nail on the head.

Swags, she is a very jealous person. I never thought she would be jealous of me but, she has been with others.

Thanks for the support girls! Everyone always says how things could get ugly when someone gets married. I swear in every wedding I have been in there has always been some kinda drama!

teachertime Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:35 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

That is so funny!! For my first wedding a similar situation happened to me. I asked my long time friend who I grew up with to be my MOH. She happily accepted but then was MIA for most of the planning. She lived in Boston at the time so i figured it was the distance. As I got closer to the wedding I started to feel I really needed the support so I asked my cousin (who was already in the bridal party) to be Matron of Honor. She gladly accepted and she did EVERTHING for me. She threw my bridal shower, she threw my bachlorette party, she even helped me make my favors and design my wedding program. She frequently tried to contact my MOH on Boston and she was never home. So the day of my wedding the priest wanted only one MOH and one Best man to stand at the alter with us. I choose my cousin becuase she was soooo invloved in the planning and my friend got mad and barely spoke to me the entire wedding!!!

So needless to say this time (my second wedding) my cousin (same one) is my MOH!!! And again she has been a source of great support and help! She is like a sister to me!

Good luck!!

Chris

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:41 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Aww that is so sweet teacher time. I think she deserved to be the one to stand by you. My bridesmaids are all best friends ( I have been close to them at different times in my life) and I am so happy to have chosen all of them to be in my party. Although, they are far away I still feel their support! They are even going to make it for my bachelorette party in NY.

dino1109 Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:49 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

JuJu
Send her a card. Do they make 'sorry, you're not my MOH anymore' cards?

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:51 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Ill send her those BM's CArd and personalize it to what you said! I wonder if she still napping..its been 3 hours. Hmmmm LOL

dino1109 Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:55 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

See at least your joking about it now!

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 10:58 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

YOu know, it is just frustrating. I wish she would just tell me what is up? Actually, I would be totally fine with having 6 bm's. All it means, is that I will be saving money. IN the beginning, I gave her the benefit of the doubt but, now I definetly think her actions are speaking for itself.

dino1109 Posted: Aug 19, 2003 11:11 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Definitely!

kmcwed Posted: Aug 19, 2003 11:25 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Juju,

First, , even though you're joking now, I know from personal experience how much this can hurt.

Secondly, my best friend behaved the SAME way. She is also a jeaous person, and I never expected her to be jealous toward me. Like your friend, she has been in a dead-end relationship for four years with someone who would rather buy a Grand National than an engagement ring. Go figure..

Anyway, her words were always positive, 'I'll be your MOH, It's an honor, let's go see the hall together.....' But her actions were completely opposite, avoidance, attitude, broken plans, lame excuses.

I think almost EVERY bride and newlywed on this board has a story to tell about someone who disappointed them, or someone whose friendship was lost during the wedding plans. You aren't alone.

You don't need people like her in your life.

I'm sorry you have to deal with such a selfish, immature person....

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 11:32 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

Tell me about it! EVery wedding that I have been in or attended there was always some drama to follow. YOu always find out who your true friends are by the end of your wedding. What happened to your Best or (ex) friend? Do you still talk? Was she still in the wedding?

shamma Posted: Aug 19, 2003 11:39 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

I think you need to ask her directly what is going on, the date has passed for ordering dresses and you are playing phone tag. This is not fair to you how she is behaving. Get to the point when you call her, ask her directly whether or not she wants to be in the wedding and what is going between you 2. Hey they say weddings and funerals bring out the best or worst in some people.

Ask anyone that has planned a wedding, how many 'friends' they have lost?? You are truly making an effort and she needs to come clean with what she intends to do and not have you feeling this way. Or have you in a limbo with this.

Hope this all gets resolved soon

juju Posted: Aug 19, 2003 11:42 PM

Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH

If I could only get in touch with her. I know what you mean about friendships ending. I hear that all the time and I never thought it would be with me. It's nearly 12 o'clock and l last spoke to her at 7:00. I guess she takes long naps.