does not want to bePart of my wedding. (This is Long)
I have known her since high school. And yet, we don't talk everyday on the phone, I considered her my closest friend because no matter how much time had gone by we always kept in touch. HOwever, when I told her I was getting married...she congratulated me and it didn't really sound sincere. I asked her to be my MOH and she said yes. ( By the way..she lives in Tx in the town I grew up)
So shortly afterwards, my fh and I went to TX to visit my parents. While I was visiting, I called numerous times to my moh and she never called me back@! She finally called when I got to NY! I was in TX for over a week. When she called, she didn't even apologize or gave any explanation, and she was acting so weird. I thought for sure she was going to back out! Then she mentioned she probably could not hold up to MOH duties (for financial reasons) by throwing Bacholorette party, shower, etc. She asked...What am I suppose to do? All I wanted her was to be by my side on my wedding day when I turn into bridezilla. I even offered to pay 1/2 her dress. And I even gave her out if she wanted one. But, she said...'no, ill be your maid of honor'
Well, since then....I have sent an engagement announcement, a bridal shower invitation, a letter about the bridesmaid dresses which indicated when my deadline for ordering dresses(which was last week) and I have made numerous phone calls to her. I have received NO replies, no congratulation card, no RSVP as of yet to my shower, no response to my letter and no return phone calls!! I am really upset and hurt. I called her this evening and she picked up and she said 'Im taking a nap could I call you back.' ARgghhh!! I am so freaking annoyed! NOw, I don't want her in the wedding because actions speak louder than words! The only thing I could think why she is upset is maybe because she is jealous or envious. She has been in a deadend relationship for about 9 years! I'm sorry this was long..but, Ihad to vent!!
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Send her an email with what you would like to discuss with her, tell her you do not want to do it in an email. Let her know if she does not want to be a MOH she can play a smaller role, but you would like her as your friend to be involved in your wedding some how. I can only imagine how you feel. If my MOH acted like this, I would be so hurt. SOme people really cannot be happy for others, even their friends.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
My friend is so behind in times. Can you believe she does not have email! I think she is afraid to catch up. It's not because she cannot afford it. She is just afraid of technology. So it has been hard to communicate with her especially if she does not return calls. If I don't hear from her by friday, I am going to order the dresses without her.
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Judy do not do that, you might end up paying for something that no one might wear and it will be a total loss to you. Do you want to lose a friend and your money too???
Xelindrya
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
juju I feel for you. I actually assumed my MOH would be the bum. I even took it for granted and clearly outlined the financial burden and personal obligation my MOH would need to understand if she was to be my MOH.
She's my best friend since 8th grade. I dunno is that 15years I think, something like that. But I know her. Didn't trust her with this. She's in San Antonio, I'm in New York. She has person obligations, a son to raise, a life to live, so forth.
You know what? She's really pulled through (so far) and everyday I'm grateful and surprised. I'd be devestated if she flaked out on me.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
I dont know her size. I would order without her. It will be 3 weeks on Friday since I gave her the deadline!
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Can I tell you something, she is not going to order it and I think she is too scared to tell you she is not going to do it or that she cannot truly be happy for you. Such a shame, it is her loss tho' to share in your day. Call once more and that she be the end of it. I cannot believe you are going thru these lengths for an adult.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Those were my thoughts exactly! I figured she was trying to avoid me and did not know how to tell me that she does not part take in the wedding.
Xelindra, I think it's beyond that. I hope it is not. But, deep down...I think she does not want to be in the wedding.
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
I think she is sending some clear message to you. Even Stevie wonder could see it
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Too funny, Shamma.
Well, thank you ladies for your support. I will keep you posted. Shall we take some bets? Good night ladies! Thanks again!
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
my bet is she will not be in the wedding as the MOH.
Good night.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Goodnight!
kmcwed
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Juju,
To answer your question...
My best friend and I haven't spoken since March. She screamed at me over the phone about some guest list issue, withdrew from the bridal party, and hung up on me. I offered to talk things out, etc., but she told me, quote...'I don't give a f**k what you have to say!'
Nice to be treated that way after 23 years of friendship, right?
Needless to say, I replaced her with my sister's SIL and she was fantastic!! So excited for me, so involved, even made me a BEAUTIFUL scrap book of my bridal shower using all my cards and photos of each guest.
Some people are so consumed with misery, so blinded by jealousy and feel so trapped in their own sad situations without the courage to get out of them, that they take out their anger and frustration on those who have found happiness. They will never look within to see that they are causing it themselves. They always blame someone else.
I'm sure people like this go on to lead very sad lives, indeed. After all, if they can't find it in they're hearts to be happy for someone else, I doubt they will ever find happiness for themselves.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
Kmcwed, Im sorry you went through that! That is terrible! It is pretty hurtful. YOu're right my moh is consumed with misery. Once, I speak to her (if she calls back) and if says, that she does want to be my moh ....I am going to have a heart to heart talk about if she really wants to be in our wedding. It is so sad, but some friendships do change. and some end. And with that said, friendships ending could be a good thing. It's like an actual break-up!
kmcwed
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
I agree Juju. It does feel like an actual breakup. And when it happens at a time in our life when so many other changes are taking place, just makes it feel harder. Losing a close and valued friendship just adds to the feelings of loss that result from leaving one life behind to start another. Instead of having that special friend to lean on and help you adjust to your new world, you have to do it on your own, while making new friends.
But I suppose in the long run, its better to find out who our true friends really are, so we only take the real ones with us as we move forward.
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
YOu're absolutely right, Kmcwed! Sinced I moved here to NY, I have met some wonderful friends. And I also, thank my 6 other bridesmaids because they all have been so special to me in my life! They are truly my true friends. I would have 5 matrons if I could. ha ha
shamma
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
juju, have you spoken with her yet?? I want to know what the outcome is
juju
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Re: Vent. very long..I am Upset....I think my MOH
still waiting. My shower is in a couple of weeks. I am just curious to see if she goes. She has to know why I've been calling. I did call the dress guy and he mentioned that I could order the dresses mid september without a problem. But, I wanted to have plenty of time before the wedding just incase BM's have wrong sizes. I will keep you posted.
