Vent!! What would you do if you were in my position???

My sil is getting married in a few months. She asked me as soon as she got engaged if my son could be her RB. We said that was fine and everything was great.

Now all of a sudden this week she tells us that instead of the 20 min. ceremony she was supposed to have they have decided to do a full mass instead.
When I got married my son was my RB, my ceremony was only 20 min and my son could barely sit still for that. He was running back and forth between the pews.
There is NO WAY in heck that he will be able to sit still in church for over an hour without screaming/crying/running around.

So last night we told her that we didn't think it was a good idea for him to be her RB. He is still a little too young ( only 2) and its not fair to him or to us. For one he will NOT walk down the aisle alone. She wants myself and DH to escort him... ummm niether of us are in the bridal party!!. Second since he wont sit still we will most definitly have to get up in the middle of the ceremony and walk out. That means that we miss most the ceremony and our poor son is going to get stuffed in a tux to MAYBE walk down the aisle and then go home????

Well the bride threw a complete fit and almost started crying. She kept saying ' Oh well you obviously dont want him to be my RB' over and over. I tried to explain that that is not the case. She said well you told me almost a year ago it was fine and all of a sudden you changed your minds. I told her we had no problem with it until she told us she was having a full mass.
But I have to do what is best for my son and for us. She then said 'well put him in the tux let him walk down the aisle and then walk out and take him to maxine's mothers house' Hello?!?!?! How rude is that?? and its not like we can drop him off and run... we might not even make it back for the rest of the ceremony.
I think she is being selfish for not understanding our situation.

I don't blame you for pulling him out because 2 yrs old is a little young to be a RB. You know your son best and you know how he will handle certain situations plus you have the experience from your own wedding.

The thing is maybe she wants him in her BP pictures too so if he is part of the BP then it's more than just stuffing him in a tux and walking down the aisle.

But if he's not in the BP are you planning on not bringing him to the wedding at all? Maybe she just needs some reassurance that he will still be a special part of her day?

I think 2 is very young to be a RB but with that said perhaps she has a vision of her ceremony and a including your son is a big part of that. My nephew was 4 when I got married and he has austism. There was NO way he would make it thru an entire ceremony but not having him there felt so wrong. So my sister had his babysitter at the Church waiting when we arrived. I was able to take photos with him and include him in our family photos. Unfortuntely he would not walk down the aisle even with my SIL and brother (who we had in our bridal party and it is very common to have parents walk the children down the aisle so that is not weird IMO). He got too upset when he saw so many people in the Church. So the babysitter just took him right from the hall.
Obvisiously she is upset and you have many good points. Perhaps your babysitter could met at the Church and you/DH could walk him down the asile, go into the pew and back up the side aisle into the hall and get the baby in the car with the sitter. Then just sneak back down the side aisle to enjoy the rest of the ceremony. Would that work?

I guess I should also add that he wont be going with them to take pictures. He dosent yet go where you tell him. stand still, smile on command and will do nothing but run around the park making his tux filthy.

From day one we stated he could be apart of the ceremony but there was no way he was going to the reception and that he was staying with my mom for that portion of the evening.

Sorry but LMAO!!! Just b/c that would so be my son too. I can see him getting filthy and climbing all over and it being very stressful for me to try to keep him in line. Its a tough call. One part of me can see the vision the bride probably has. But the other part of me, the mother of a rambunctious 2 1/2 year old, knows that kids that small arent puppets and wont necessarily do what you want, whether they are too shy to face a big crowd or are too wild to want to.
However, Id probably try to have him there if that were my situation. I mean, if it means that much to the bride (under normal circumstances, not in psycho bride mode LOL) maybe you can have your mother come to the church so you can enjoy the ceremony? Is that a possibility? It really is a tough call... in the end, youre the Mom and you know your child best. If you think its too much, just try to explain why, she may not understand if shes not a mother yet (I know I didnt REALLY know how kids are till I had my own)

Good luck, let us know how it goes.

I don't blame you for not wanting him to be in her wedding. You know your son better than anyone else. Hopefully she will realize that is not good for either of them and then let it go.
Good luck.