Venting

I really feel the need to vent about my family. My parents live several states away and have not been up here to visit since I got engaged last October. They are not big travellers, so this is nothing new. Originally, they said they would be up here the Tuesday before the wedding and would help with any last minute things. Now they tell me they are driving up here, leaving on Tuesday, arriving on Thursday but have personal business to take care of and won't show up in LI until Friday. The wedding is on Saturday, so they won't be able to help with much.

I don't like the job the seamstress did on my dress and have been having mixed feelings about my dress all along. So, I've asked my sister, who lives in NJ, to please come and look at it with me since I'm so uncertain about it. No one in my family has seen this dress--I chose it alone and have been going to fittings alone. I asked her earlier if she could come see it and she says she's too busy. I asked two of my friends, and one will come with me to see it this Saturday.

Other than FH though, I have had no help planning this wedding or with the arrangements. His family hasn't helped, mine hasn't helped. We asked them to take on a few projects, and they were always too busy, so we've dropped it. To some degree, I expected this from my parents since they are so far, but I hoped they would be here earlier. And I expected a little more from my sister also MOH.

I feel like I sound whiney, and should be focusing on the joy, but I'm very disappointed and need to share this. Every time I go to look at that dress and see other girls surrounded by family and friends, I feel like such an outcast. I should note, my family hasn't been very helpful with big projects in the past, so I should have seen this coming and relied upon my friends more.

Thanks for listening. I guess I thought some of you might be able to identify. I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who has relatives MIA in the wedding planning.

You are definitely not alone! I have seen posts by many on here with similar complaints. Present company included.

I wish I could help, but all I can really do is send you some much needed hugs!

I feel for you honey. My mom is deceased, no sisters, MOH out of state with a young infant, and my godmother didn't come to my shower (she went to a friend's grandkids communion). My friends all have kids and busy lives which equals NO HELP with anything. My MOH and FMIL did do a great job on my shower.

I am very disappointed with my cousins and aunts and uncles. You would think this would be a big event since we haven't had a wedding in our family in 12 years... no, no one seems to care. Also considering my mom is deceased and my Dad is handicapped they would seem more interested/offer help because before getting engaged life was hectic. No offer of help with Dad (they are all retired).

FH's family is great. My FSIL's have kids, full-time jobs and live OOS but yet they are more interested and offer to help and see each other more. All this and FH was married before.

I agree with you. Your parents should be more involved.

I've completely redefined and learned who my REAL family is through this whole process. My brother and father are also fed up with our exteneded family.

Thank you so much!!! This board really helps me, esp. at times when I feel like I must be the only bride going through something. Logically, I know I'm not alone, but at times it feels that way.

I don't have any pics of my dress, but I did get one of my friends to got with me this week. She is pushy (I am not) and if something seems wrong with it, I know she will say something. If it looks fine, she'll tell me, so I trust her opinion.

David's Bride, you are totally right about rethinking 'family'. I am finding that some of my more extended family (my cousin's wife and brother-in-law for instance) have been more helpful than my immediate family. If my cousin's wife lived closer, I would have asked her for more help. And I should have asked some of my friends to help sooner. A lot of them are busy with their kids and jobs, but they would have helped me with little things, I think.

I guess I thought my parents and sister would step up to the plate now, but I've learned that I shouldn't expect a wedding to make people behave differently than they normally would.

Thanks again for your posts and hugs. This board saves my sanity! I'm feeling better already.