Venting: Why Are People So Difficult?

Hi, I just had to vent 'cus I'm so upset at my family. FH and I wanted to have a brunch where the two family can meet before the wedding. After I scheduled everything, dad lets my sister know that he doesn't want to come to brunch if we're doing American style. He sees it as no point since he doesn't eat American food (he's asian).

Then mom tells me if dad doesn't go, she doesn't want to go either since he usually drives her everywhere.

I can't have it at my condo 'cus it won't fit 30 family members.

And I can't subject his family to driving all the way to chinatown (2-3 hours away from them) for asian food 'cus they aren't accustomed to eating that stuff either.

For those marrying into a different ethnic family, how do you guys handle trying to accommodate two different cultures?

I say cave and have both cuisines somehow...it's only fair.

eta--and it can make it kind of cute...like you are fusing foods like your families.

or tell them if they keep it up, it will be at McDonald's! lol...

really... why they have to be so difficult when you're trying to be so nice is not fair to you. What's going to happen at the wedding? did you discuss that with your dad?

We were going to pay for everything. We set aside a budget but if were wanted two different type of food we need a catering hall and we were given outrageous sums to rent, then food is additional..

We just want a simple family brunch (FH is sorta Italian and I'm chinese) but the main thing is for the family to meet not eat!

Dad's apparently already upset that I'm not having the chinese banquet (which 4 of my siblings already went through). So he feels I don't consider what he wants at all... Hello, this is America and I'm paying for the whole wedding?! And you can't subject Italians and half my nonChinese friends to chinese food!

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Posted by klingklang77

can you have it at an asian fusion place? that would be fair.

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We looked abit but haven't been able to find anything. My family suggested a chinese place that serves chinese and american cuisine which is 2-3 hours away from FH's family...

I live in Hoboken,NJ so need something close by as it's the midpoint between the families.

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Posted by eden

And you can't subject Italians and half my nonChinese friends to chinese food!

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would you tell that to my husband PLEASE? he sees nothing wrong with it. (he's italian, but loooooves some chinese food...i don't love it so much.)

how ever you're doing the food, can you add some sort of 'stir fry' and noodles in the mix? i'm sure if a couple dishes said 'asian' a little bit your dad would at least see it as a compromise (maybe).

i know it's rough and you're paying...but these are your parents...sometimes, you gotta suck it up a little and find the halfway point...it's your wedding day and your parents...honestly, there's no reason to make it a sad/unhappy day/memory to uphold a notion you didn't realize in the planning phase would upset your parents. (i hope that doesn't come off as mean/snappy....stupid computers, no tone!!!! ) in the end, it might be worth it to add some asian dishes. and as i've noticed on LI, most people like chinese food to an extent!

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Posted by eden

We were going to pay for everything. We set aside a budget but if were wanted two different type of food we need a catering hall and we were given outrageous sums to rent, then food is additional..

We just want a simple family brunch (FH is sorta Italian and I'm chinese) but the main thing is for the family to meet not eat!

Dad's apparently already upset that I'm not having the chinese banquet (which 4 of my siblings already went through). So he feels I don't consider what he wants at all... Hello, this is America and I'm paying for the whole wedding?! And you can't subject Italians and half my nonChinese friends to chinese food!

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can you just do a BBQ? Or do a catering hall half way between the two families and ask your dad to pay for the asian food to be brought in? Then you can do half Italian and half Asian?

Well if we are catering it we can add whatever we want. If you're talking about the wedding day itself, well you select whatever the all options are available.

I intend to have some sushi or some asian station so at least dad will have soy sauce to dip stuff into. *sigh*

And, yeah, dad does prefer chinese, I can see him not eating if the food quality isn;t up to his standard. *sigh* Not many restaurants outside chinatown has the quality he's looking for w/o the very high price tag.

Does it bother your dad that you aren't marrying someone Asian?

Your father's reaction reminds me of my parents. They were not happy at all that I was marrying someone non-Greek.

how about having a chinese banquet rehearsal dinner? Will that make your dad feel better and not be so difficult about the brunch?

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Posted by ronnysbride

Does it bother your dad that you aren't marrying someone Asian?

Your father's reaction reminds me of my parents. They were not happy at all that I was marrying someone non-Greek.

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Dad sees me as the rebel, he may be bothered but he's getting used to the idea that I'm one very americanized chinese gal. Doesn't mean he supports it though.

He barely tries to talk to FH tho he knows more english than my FH knows chinese.

How are you coping with your situation? Just ignore the judgemental comments?

Not for nothing, but you are doing this as a nice gester so that both families can meet and get to know each other.

I would call your father and tell him to quit complaining and deal with the american food for the night. You invited him as your guest for the evening to celebrate two families. The least he can do is not complain about the food. JMHO

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Posted by Anna506

how about having a chinese banquet rehearsal dinner? Will that make your dad feel better and not be so difficult about the brunch?

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We are not having the rehearsal dinner. It'll just be more of a headache. Maybe I should have that, and have FH's parents plan/pay for it (his mother did offer) so if dad doesn't attend he's not giving 'face' to the in-laws. ;)

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Posted by babybug631

Not for nothing, but you are doing this as a nice gester so that both families can meet and get to know each other.

I would call your father and tell him to quit complaining and deal with the american food for the night. You invited him as your guest for the evening to celebrate two families. The least he can do is not complain about the food. JMHO

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Yeah, maybe FH and I should go see him personally about this. It's harder to say 'no' to someone in their face. good idea!

i like the idea of mixing the foods somehow. Try not to let it upset you - parents especially can be SO small minded. my father's main concern is the pasta choices at the reception but I LOVE him anyway. I never thought i'd see the day where at our food tasting he actually ate sushi - i'm sure its because he's so glad to marry me off....