Vent...Might be a little long

I'll try to make this short.

I recently got engaged and not one person in my family seems happy for me. My sister is in the middle of a nasty divorce and every single time I come around my family it's ALL I hear about.

It's always something w/ her and I'm so sick of it. Yes I feel bad & they have kids but she knew what her husband was like way before she married him. Everyone told her not to marry him and now that it's my turn to get married I feel that I'm getting the crap end of the stick.

Am I being selfish? There's so much more to the story I just don't want to get into full details.

It's coming to the point where I'm not excited anymore at all about getting engaged and I don't want a big wedding anymore. Fh and I put a deposit down on a place but I'd rather lose $1,000.00 then the cost of my wedding.

I come on here and I read stories about your families being so happy and I'm so jealous :(

Advice/comments/therapist reccomendations are welcomed

I'm really not trying to be a self centered person but if your family isn't there for you then who else is there?

sorry you're going through that ....

your family has a valid excuse ... they're preoccupied right now with your sister's divorce.

i would hold off on wedding planning for a few months - let your sister's divorce blow over and then you can start planning your wedding ... hopefully your family will be excited for you and you will be happy about having your big wedding again

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Posted by Annie516

I know they are preoccupied but it's supposed to be a happy time in MY life right now and I'm the complete oppositte.

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i totally understand .... it's not fair to you at all.

but your sister is going through a rough time right now so maybe you could be there for her for now, and then she (and the rest of your family) can be there for you

just want to add that i don't think you're wrong to feel the way you do though ... it's totally normal for you to want all the excitement and attention ... you'll get the attention you deserve eventually though

Yeah your right, I guess I'm being a little selfish and never thought of her feelings.

Thanks!

i am so sorry you are going through this

It sucks when people arent happy for you...FH's mom has been horrible during this entire planning experience. I handle it by enjoy myself while planning and share the joy with others who can appreciate it (my family and friends).

Unfortunately your family is preoccupied with your sisters divorce and it is completely unfair to you because this is a happy time.
The two options are putting off the planning until you see things getting better with your family or just continue planning with other family members or friends and fill your family in when the time is right. IMO i would prob live in the moment and plan away! it may take your sister a while to get over this and its not fair to expect you to put your life on hold...but at the same time just dont expect much from her in the planning process.
Hopefully in time it will get better

I don't know, I think you have a right to plan your wedding as you wish. It says your wedding is booked for 2013. That is a long time away, and I HOPE your sisters divorce will be a distant memory by then. You don't have a lot to plan right now, so maybe just lay low about it. Your sister is in the worst part of her divorce, so she's probably just not 'feeling' it but I hope for your sake that she will in the future. Just enjoy this time with your FH and your friends, and try your best not to bring it into the spotlight around your family at this time. Losing your deposit would be silly at this point, you have so much time.

Good luck and please find a way to savour your engagement. It is about you and FH, so just make it about you two for now until the others are ready to join in on the celebration.

That's why I always ask you guys because you guys have such great advice.


Yes 2013 is in a few years but my sister has a history of taking the spotlight when someone in my family gets engaged, married or pregnant. It's always something w/ her and hopefully by then everything will be settled between them.

ITA.
hold off and let things pass. After some time has passed, hopefully you'll get more support from your family. Maybe then they'll want to concentrate on something happy.

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

sorry you're going through that ....

your family has a valid excuse ... they're preoccupied right now with your sister's divorce.

i would hold off on wedding planning for a few months - let your sister's divorce blow over and then you can start planning your wedding ... hopefully your family will be excited for you and you will be happy about having your big wedding again

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**I didn't post what 'ITA' with

Hi,

I just wanted to give you a big

I understand what you're going through. I've been engaged for going on 2 years. I feel after all this time the families just don't have the same excitement. My sister had another baby recently and i feel like everyone is just so focused on her life & her kids; and they really don't care much about our wedding.

I honestly feel like if you shouldn't worry about anything else! If you want to have the big wedding then plan it; and don't even worry about them. Plan with your close girlfriends. You'll be surpised how many people that you would least expect would be so willing to help you with wedding plans!

And if you & your FH feel that just eloping or having a destination wedding is more what you want now. Instead of throwing the big wedding for bickering family member then do that. Like you said; it's only money. You'd rather loose $1K than spend $30K and have a day you could have lived with out!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

My advice is to stick with it and BE HAPPY! If you and FH are happy THAT is what matters and believe me, once it's closer to your day, people will get over their own cr*p and be happy for you. And if they're not, too damn bad.

I had similar issues. I've posted about how I was originally suphposed to get married in 2006 and had to cancel because my dad walked out on my mom after 35 years..and then a whole bunch of other stuff went wrong as well.

For a long time ANY mention of anything wedding related and my mom would be like 'I don't want o hear about weddings. Weddings make me sick'...and she'd constantly say 'Why get married?' and she criticized every little thing my FH did and said, and it was UNBEARABLE.

Since then my mom has gotten over it and learned to be happy for me. I think a lot of it was prodding from otehr family members (like my aunts, cousins, etc) who told her she needed to be there for me, and it was also time,

On FH's side, his parents were critical from the start, why are we spending so much on such a big wedding, FH spent too much on my e-ring, why so fancy? why is jennifer so spoiled? And now FH's dad passed away, so there is pushback that our date is father's day,

FSIL had a big wedding planned and cancelled it because of issues with her now DH. She then quickly planned (like in a week) a shotgun wedding at a restaraunt with 15 people so that she could get married with her dad there. She thought she'd still have the big wedding and her mom would pay for it, but her mom told her no, she got one wedding, so FSIL is VERY resentful. She's also the one most resentufl about father's day.

But I have to tell you, people come around. My FMIL keeps asking about her dress, and people want to be at the wedding. Extended family on FH's side I didn't think would care are all asking questions and are very excited.

So #1 YOU need to be happy

#2 Many people will be happy for you, even if your sister can't

#3 People will most likely come around, The wounds are fresh now, but they have time to heal

Like I said there's more to the story but my 1 sister can't stand the fact that I'm getting married the right way.

With in a year a half I had 1 sister who was engaged and getting married and then I had another sister who was getting married and pregnant and only gave us 2 months to prepare. So both my sisters got married and had a kid all with in the same time.


Fast forward a few yrs later and my same sister who's getting a divorce now was in a bridal party for another family member and got pregnant while she was a Matron on Honor.

It's just always about her and I'm tired of listening to Mom go on and on.

You should try to talk to you mom and tell her how you feel. She'll never know unless you talk to her.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I am sorry that you feel like she is taking the spotlight off you. You should go and do everything you need to celebrate your engagement with your FH. Whether she should or should not have gotten married doesn't change the fact that divorce sucks and hard to deal with.

Remember no way to get married is the right way to do it. I have many friends who got pregnant before or while engaged and they are still very happy to this day. You may have decided to get married before kids but that does not mean that your sisters did it the wrong way.

Think of it this way.... You are not getting married until 2013 so you have a long time to celebrate your engagement!

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Posted by Annie516

Like I said there's more to the story but my 1 sister can't stand the fact that I'm getting married the right way.

With in a year a half I had 1 sister who was engaged and getting married and then I had another sister who was getting married and pregnant and only gave us 2 months to prepare. So both my sisters got married and had a kid all with in the same time.


Fast forward a few yrs later and my same sister who's getting a divorce now was in a bridal party for another family member and got pregnant while she was a Matron on Honor.

It's just always about her and I'm tired of listening to Mom go on and on.

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JEALOUSY!

They are this color right now

Just ignore them and do what makes YOU happy, girl!

My FSIL got married at this crappy rerstaurant upstate ( I am talking gravel parking lot, waiters in shorts and pritned t-shirts with something like 'try my clams!' printed on them), and she made some comment about how we should have out wedding there.

I'm sorry you're jealous that ONE table at our wedding is costing a lot more than your entire wedding, but we planned ahead and made sacrifices for it, too bad.

You should not have to feel bad or change the plans YOU dreamed about because other people made different choices or resent you.

And seriously, girl, they have a LOT of time to get over their sh*t and they probably will

I come from divorced parents, a mother who remarried and was widowed raising me and his 2 kids at 34. My friends are either married with high schoolers or having babies at 40. If I went by any of them to predict my own happiness I'd probably have been the first Jewish nun. Don't let other people's unfortunate circumstances take away from your moment of happiness and the best thing is to exclude them from the routine stuff unless they otherwise wish to be involved. FH and I are making our own wedding so we made the rules (okay I did). You are responsible for your own happiness, not your sisters or anyone else's. Steps off soapbox.

PS. Happy Engagement