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VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

kimnsteve Posted:

VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

let me start off by saying that i love FMIL ...she's a great person ...buttttttttttt

1. she is very disappointed in the fact that we are having our wedding in Aruba...she feels like none of her friends are gonna see it so she has nothing to show off (well at least that's what i get from it)...she has clearly expressed that she is really looking more forward to FBIL wedding at leonards which really upsets me ...all she keeps talking about is how different our wedding is gonna be ...doesnt anyone understand that they set it up the same way as here ...it's just on a beach!!!!!!

2. RD- now I was told at the beginning of this that steve's parents would be paying for our RD sooo i was very happy ...but now i told them how much it is gonna be and they told me they will give us half the money and that will be our presents also!!!!!!!!
do you believe the nerve!

3.Unbeknowing to me Steve offered to pay for FMIL trip to Aruba!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she has made him feel so bad about this whole thing ...he feels he has to pay for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.She told me she is borrowing a plain black dress from her friend and is buying a gown for FBIL wedding!!!!! and everytime i tell her I would appreciate it if we went shoppng together and she would get something a lil more dressy she always complains!!!!!!!My mom is wearing a gown ...why cant she?????

sorry i just can't no more !

it is taking all of me not to say anything !

what should i do????
tdebe Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

I know how you feel to some extent. I know how it feels when other's are so stuck on the 'traditional' view of a wedding that whenever you steer away from it somehow, they make you feel bad and make life difficult. Unfortunately, it's one of those things where until it just happens, you have to deal with the critisism and do what it is that makes you and FH happy and in the end people will just get over it. Hopefully, she's not the type to hold a grudge for the rest of her life because you made her go to Aruba (God forbid somebody made me do that...lol). It could be harder right now becaus to most people '08 still seems so far away which means plenty of time for you to change your mind and do things the 'normal' way. But as it starts getting closer and she starts seeing things coming together, she could start getting more excited and supportive about it and once it comes she'll really see how silly she was being. It's kind of a make her wait and see situation. But enjoy every minute of it and don't let her bring you down. HTH

ant n tilde Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

yuck - maybe FH can sit down and talk to her and let her know that she is upsetting you. . . i am sorry that she is being like that - a lot of people can't understand the non traditional ways of getting married - i know my family, unfortunately, probably wouldnt even attend!

just try to ignore her - and if she keeps giving you problems that dont keep her in the loop about the planning - that way she cant make you upset and then when she sees how PERFECT it is she will know that she was the one who missed out on the preparations for it

good luck!
JeanineP2B Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

Sorry you have to go through that

Explain how you feel to your FH and have him talk to her. Good luck!
cds58019 Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

I know how you feel. FMIL just invited herself to go with us to the city on Saturday. Not exactly the plans I had but what are you gonna do?!

Chrissywish Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

I agree with Tilde!!!! IGNORE HER and KEEP HER OUT OF THE LOOP!!! Secondly sit down with FH and figure out how you stand together. See if he understands how you feel, and make sure you understand how he feels and find that middle ground. Then he has to communicate that to his mother. Whenever anyone goes non-traditional, especially something like Aruba where they will have to travel a great deal, they don't take it well. Like I told you FSIL is already talking about it and her family is not happy about that. So just figure out where you and FH stand, and then let him talk to her about it, and how it upsets you, and she doesnt have to like it, but she has to accept it adn deal with it, and has no right to make you feel less important b/c your wedding is not here!!!!

jgl Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

... Why do they have to make it hard for you? Try not to let it get to you and make the best of it. Do things the way you want.. she is only going to look like an idiot.

my FMIL is trying to stay as neutral as possible with everything and it is driving me nuts. It's nice that she wants it to be about us and doesn't want to control our decisions, but its gotten to the point where she just seems uninterested. It's annoying!
LuvMyAlfonse Posted:

Re: VENTTTTTTTTTT...long

I'm so sorry Kim. Kill her with kindness. Everytime she says something negative say 'This is how we want to start our life together. I'm sure you can understand that we want to do what WE want to do and not what everyone else wants. The people that truly love and are happy for us will support us. And whatever you decide to wear, I'm sure you will look back on the albums and be pleased with yourself for being so good to your son and me on our most joyous wonderful day.' Then smile extra big.

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