Vent...UPDATE at bottom

Ok, so invites went out yesterday And might I add FIL's have helped financially with NOTHING. My parents are actually covering almost everything. And aside finances they just don't offer to do ANYTHING. I mentioned I was going to stamp the invites (sort of hinting they could help if they wanted) their response? 'Oh, thats nice'.

Anyway fast forward to today they got the invite in the mail....FFIL calls FH and tells him he can't believe we are so disrespectful. He said he doesn't want to be any part of the wedding (which he really hasnt anyway) and is ashamed FH is his son.

Wanna know why? Because the invite didn't mention FFIL or FMIL names. Just my parents names were on it.

What they fail to realize is FH and I didnt exclude his parents because we don't respsect them, or were upset about their financial contributions. We didn't mean it that way at all. We were actually being sort of old fashioned. It is worded where my parents are handing me over to FH.

*sigh* whatever. I told FH that this is OUR wedding and I'm starting to get pissed that we are bending over backwards to keep everyone else happy because it is making us miserable....hopefully this will blow over. Thanks for listening, sorry so long!

I am in the EXACT same situation...FIL's think their name should be on the invitation but we are just putting my parents name...No disrespect to FIL, its just the way it is.

I was afraid that my FMIl would be upset if I didn't include her name in the invite...and at 1st I really didnt want her name on it because my parents are paying for mostly everything...but by surprise FMIL came through and paid for our HM....so now Im very happy that I decided to put her name on it....but I did it so that my parents are hosting...she is just mentioned

I know it stinks trying to please eveyone else...because like you said its your day...but I just keep reminding myself...that the HM is our week...so I am beding a little here and there for the parents.

I'm so sorry to hear FILs are giving you grief over this. I think FH and you are right to explain why their names are not included. It really is traditional to just have the bride's parents, and if they contributed nada, they should not expect to see their names anywhere.

Just respectfully explain why you worded the invite the way you did. If they don't understand, it's unfortunate. I hope they put this behind them soon though, and focus on the joy of your wedding again.

I had this SAME EXACT thing happen to me a few weeks ago..... We got a call from FI's sister saying that the mother was sobbing when she saw the invites...She confronted FI when she was in town and couldn't believe how disrespectful we were. I couldn't believe that she was actually complaining about the invites considering she has had zero interest in helping or giving any imput into the wedding thus far. I see nothing wrong with what you (or I) did.... cheer up some people (mainly my FIL's) will never be happy.


ETA: the invites we are talking about are for our East Cost Family.....(all of mine) FIL's are having their own reception with all of FIL's family in California....it was never a thought that they would want to be on this invite considering they are throwing there own party in California, my parents didn't expect to be on theirs.

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Posted by kelleherkm

If I had a son and he was getting married and my name was not on the invite I would be hurt...

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And I'm sure you would try take an active part in his wedding, right?

And it's not like we planned on eliminating them from the wedding. They are in the programs and will be mentioned throughout the ceremony etc....

And, if they truly cared why didn't they ever offer to help pick out the wording and/or invitations? They never ever help with ANYTHING...so who are they to judge?

I mean, with 3 months left until the wedding I think its time for FIL's opinions to cease and just be happy for us.

aww...I am sorry to hear that you are upset.


I am so glad that we are paying for this ourselves. Nobody's name gets on the invite but me and FH, and nobody can tell me what to do because they are not paying.

Honestly, you were correct. Traditionally only the bride's parents paid for the ceremony and therefore only there names were on it.

I agree with you, it's not the money, it's more the principle of the idea. Had they contributed in other ways by helping out or showing an interest you would have considered it.

Sorry you're going through this. Maybe explain why it was done and that it meant no disrespect.

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Posted by David'sbride

Honestly, you were correct. Traditionally only the bride's parents paid for the ceremony and therefore only there names were on it.

I agree with you, it's not the money, it's more the principle of the idea. Had they contributed in other ways by helping out or showing an interest you would have considered it.

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Exactly! You hit the nail on the head!

As much as this ***** it shows you that some times it is easier to keep the peace. My rule has been, ask about everything. If my FI parents wanted their name there - so what? It isn't worth fighting over.

This will blow over (though I would take a fairly apologetic position - after all I am sure you FI saw the invites and didn't say anything).

ugh! I know how you feel!!!!

I'm DONE with pleasing everyone.. it's REDICULOUS (sp?)!!

We only put OUR names on the invites so not to offend ANYONE... (I have 2 sets of Step-parents.. so it would have been tricky anywasy...).

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Posted by kelleherkm

If I had a son and he was getting married and my name was not on the invite I would be hurt...

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I have to agree with this.

my friend's parents paid for her ridiculously expensive wedding - every single bit of it. but they put the grooms parents on the invites.

I hope you work it out w/your FIL's!!


ETA: the grooms parents mentioned above definitely took an interest however. so not the same as your situation.

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by kelleherkm

If I had a son and he was getting married and my name was not on the invite I would be hurt...

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I have to agree with this.

my friend's parents paid for her ridiculously expensive wedding - every single bit of it. but they put the grooms parents on the invites.

I hope you work it out w/your FIL's!!


ETA: the grooms parents mentioned above definitely took an interest however. so not the same as your situation.

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I agree with it also. I don't think it has anything to do with money and more to do with the blending of two families.

I know it wasn't your intent on being hurtful or disrespectful. And I'm sorry you are upset

My inlaws didnt pay for anything, yet I included them on the invite as

Sean Michael
son of James and Lucille ....

because, well they are his parents, whether they paid for the wedding or not....we're now family. I wanted to try to include them wherever possible. So nothing like this could happen

Oh, I'm so sorry. In time they will come to realize your intention and will understand where you were both coming from. I'm sorry you are goign through this on what should be such an exciting time