VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Original post by carolinebr

Jul 09, 2007 02:47 PM

THIS is the reason why you should all splurge the extra $30 & order 2 sets of RSVP cards with different dates if you think you're having an A & a B list. People on the B list do not need to KNOW they are on the B list.

I got this email today & its hard not to be offended. I understand where she is coming from but save yourselves the embarrassment of having to write an email like this to someone.

(And yes, they attended our wedding a few weeks ago.)
______________________________
Hello My Dearest Lady Caroline!
First - I really hope you do not perceive me as being a tacky friend that you hardly get to see - UGH. I know we are at different phases in our life but that does not mean that I don't think the world of you. I know you've got a new baby, a new hubby, a new neighborhood and a horrid commute - so you've got a lot going on and I understand....I'm also wondering how my
summer became so swamped with commitment after commitment. I feel a little disconnected from my friends this summer. Anyway, getting on to what I REALLY want to say - I promise you with all my mushy heart that you are not 2nd tier BUT Todd has a huge F-ing family that hogged up our invite list. So needless to say, please just ignore 'Respond by July 1'when you get our invite and pretend you didn't notice the RSVP date. More importantly, please do not be offended - you're not the only one we had to wait on. I hope you and Rob understand and I hope you two can make our
Big Humongous Stress Fest on 9/22 ( just kidding - it's all good - no stress) though I truly understand if you have a ton of stuff going on !!
Luv,
me

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:31 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

I feel so bad for that bride - she obviously wanted you to share in that day so if you are friends with her maybe you can look past the poor manners and celebrate her marriage with her.

I agree with your advice though - B listers should not be aware that they are B listers

But we, as brides, should know that sometimes our weddings take on a life of their own ( i.e. LARGE family guest lists ) and we can't invite everyone we would like. . . so I wouldn't be offended if I knew I was on the B list unless it was someone like a best friend or a family member.

This is JMO but when I read the email I actually thought it was a sweet gesture and it seems like she is someone who felt like she was close enough to you to tell you the truth. . .

deirdre730 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 08:59 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

That was pretty tacky...at least you got an email. A good friend of DH did that to us a few weeks ago (no email, just a RSVP date a week from when the invitation was received) and to top it off she gave us a bad check at our wedding so of course I RSVP NO. Not only were we on the B list but in actuality they never gave us a gift.

I never had a B list. I sent them all out at once and took it from there.

Cpt2007 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 09:02 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

That's a good idea. While her email was awkward, it looks like she tried very hard to write it properly and take care in doing so. I'm sure she felt embarrassed by having to write it.

tlp123 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 09:21 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Excellent advice on avoiding an awkward situation.

Butterfly123 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 09:28 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

it must have been hard for her but you kind of have to understand. My family takes up 75 of the people invited and FH's guestlist suffers because of it. I really do have 75 family members coming and thats why I have to have a B List. So I dont think you should feel bad. I definitely will be ordering 2 sets of RSVP cards for sure though cause I would feel really bad!

imas98 Posted: Jul 09, 2007 09:33 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

I have been a last minute wedding guest a few times. Someone I knew didn't meet their headcount so I went !! I didn't care at the time and now after planning my own wedding I see how this happens.

carolinebr Posted: Jul 10, 2007 09:35 AM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by ChrissynRicky

I think she was honestly sincere in her email, and like other posters said embarrassed to even have to explain herself. However, I'm the type of person that doesn't look 'into' things like this too far b/c it's better than NOT being invited.

Those guests that truly want to share in this special day will be there no matter how late they're invited.

I didn't read into it much. I told her I completely understand (which I do!) We do plan on attending b/c I truly adore them.

Obviously she was embarrassed & it was just really awkward for her. I just posted this so that other brides would not find themselves in a similar situation.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Jul 10, 2007 10:01 AM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by ChrissynRicky

To be honest...it's difficult to have two sets of RSVPs done b/c it does become costly if a bride is getting it done professionally. It's a lot for a printer (specifically raised lettering/thermography) b/c they have to set another screen for it. But, for the DIY'ers - great idea!

However, I wanted to state my personal opinion, and this is by no means meant to offend anyone.

I think she was honestly sincere in her email, and like other posters said embarrassed to even have to explain herself. However, I'm the type of person that doesn't look 'into' things like this too far b/c it's better than NOT being invited.

I've been on the 'B' list and have never taken it personally. Weddings are expensive, and it's tough to keep the guestlist under control when you have a large family (or a lot of close friends.)

Being invited to a wedding - whether an 'A' or 'B' lister is an honor no matter which way we cut it.

Being able to share in someone's special day is what matters, not whether there was room on the list, the bride/groom were questioning their 'friendship' or how 'close' the guest is to them....

Those guests that truly want to share in this special day will be there no matter how late they're invited.

I agree with Christine. Sometimes you can only invite a certain number of people and because of family obligations you can't invite all the friends you want. I know first hand what this is like... then when all those family members respond 'no,' you have room to invite the others. It is expensive to get RSVPs with two separate dates, and also confusing.
I don't think anything is wrong with the email your friend sent. I was in the same situation myself. I have also been asked to weddings in the same manner and was not insulted at all.

DanNette Posted: Jul 10, 2007 02:30 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Ooh its just awkward. I agree with the bride that mentioned sending out a set of invites earlier than the other half.

ant n tilde Posted: Jul 10, 2007 02:34 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by carolinebr

I didn't read into it much. I told her I completely understand (which I do!) We do plan on attending b/c I truly adore them.

Obviously she was embarrassed & it was just really awkward for her. I just posted this so that other brides would not find themselves in a similar situation.

I am so glad to hear you are looking past the faux pas and going i am sure you will have a great time regardless of how you were invited!

thanks for the tip

ali120206 Posted: Jul 10, 2007 02:42 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

Posted by ChrissynRicky

To be honest...it's difficult to have two sets of RSVPs done b/c it does become costly if a bride is getting it done professionally. It's a lot for a printer (specifically raised lettering/thermography) b/c they have to set another screen for it. But, for the DIY'ers - great idea!

However, I wanted to state my personal opinion, and this is by no means meant to offend anyone.

I think she was honestly sincere in her email, and like other posters said embarrassed to even have to explain herself. However, I'm the type of person that doesn't look 'into' things like this too far b/c it's better than NOT being invited.

I've been on the 'B' list and have never taken it personally. Weddings are expensive, and it's tough to keep the guestlist under control when you have a large family (or a lot of close friends.)

Being invited to a wedding - whether an 'A' or 'B' lister is an honor no matter which way we cut it.

Being able to share in someone's special day is what matters, not whether there was room on the list, the bride/groom were questioning their 'friendship' or how 'close' the guest is to them....

Those guests that truly want to share in this special day will be there no matter how late they're invited.

I agree with Christine. Sometimes you can only invite a certain number of people and because of family obligations you can't invite all the friends you want. I know first hand what this is like... then when all those family members respond 'no,' you have room to invite the others. It is expensive to get RSVPs with two separate dates, and also confusing.
I don't think anything is wrong with the email your friend sent. I was in the same situation myself. I have also been asked to weddings in the same manner and was not insulted at all.

I agree with Christine and Lauren.

GinaZ Posted: Jul 10, 2007 02:45 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Ya its prolly worth the money if you have a B list. But at least she was totally honest with you rather than making some lame excuse- you have to appreciate that! But ya, save yourself the embaressment and just spend the extra money!
Thanks for sharing!

ChrissynRicky Posted: Jul 10, 2007 02:45 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by carolinebr

I didn't read into it much. I told her I completely understand (which I do!) We do plan on attending b/c I truly adore them.

Obviously she was embarrassed & it was just really awkward for her. I just posted this so that other brides would not find themselves in a similar situation.

I am so glad to hear you are looking past the faux pas and going i am sure you will have a great time regardless of how you were invited!

thanks for the tip

ditto - I'm sorry I didn't realize you were indeed going when I wrote my initial response. Glad you're going to be there to share in their special day! Have a great time!!!!

jeanla4c Posted: Jul 10, 2007 03:15 PM

Re: VERY Important Advice re: Invitations

Posted by ksl268

Instead of 2 sets of RSVP's just send out the first round a of invites earlier then planned. Then send out round 2 on schedule. This way you cover your a** and no one is embarassed.

that is what we did!!!