Last September FH & I wanted a big House Warming party at our house instead of a bridal shower so we could have both guys & girls and it could be casual and fun. My MOH says you can't have it so far in advance why don't we just have it all girls and do it at my house? She decides on Cindo de Mayo which was beyond perfect for me so I agreed ! So FH & I host a small house warming party for immediate family & the bridal party instead.
The Shower was going to be in her backyard, with tables and a tent, fun music and Mexican food. MOH wouldn't let me know all the details in order to keep some things a surprise which is fine because I was happy about the main details.
So fast forward to May....MOB finds out I wanted a backyard casual party so there was no time limit because I wanted to be able to talk to my guests & have fun instead of the focus on just opening presents all day. FH was kept in the dark until last week too.
So for the part that just broke my heart and has caused me to cry everyday for a week is....they booked it in a restaurant. In a Latin place not Mexican, 5 minutes from the MOH's house, at 11:30 am and for only 4 hours. Exactly the opposite of what I wanted.
My mom & FH told me the news the night before because they knew i'd be upset....I didn't even want to go. I cried for 4 hours straight & woke up looking like Rocky Balboa.
The guests tell me they had fun but are you going to tell me it was terrible ?? The place was too huge for 35 people, the echo and noise was unbearable so I had to scream the whole time and it flew by so quickly I barely remember it. I sound like I'm being ungrateful but I would've rather have hosted it at my house & no one bought me a single gift. That's how important this party was to me. This was my one & only Bridal Shower !
I can't even think about it without crying and MOH knows I'm upset with her since we haven't spoken since the shower and she hasn't once said she's sorry. She said it wasn't only me making the decision and mentioned how my expectations were too high ?!? It's a month until my wedding & I'm so upset I don't care anymore. I need to get over this.
Thanks for listening...sorry it's so long.
imas98
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Re: (Very Long) Please help me get past this
Posted by SoontobeMrsO
Sorry that you feel bad.
I don't want to be mean but you are acting ungrateful. Your MOH made the effort to host you a party and you are not happy? If I was your MOH I would be mad at you for being so ungrateful.
If this party were a surprise from the beginning I know I would've loved it. But it wasn't MOH asked my input and called me everyday telling about the plans....she just neglected to tell me she changed the most important detail.
Everyone might think I'm ungrateful & I'm being a b**ch but I have to say I'm glad I started this post because talking about this and getting the different opinions has actually helped me start to get over this. Thanks.
heatherandrichie
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Re: (Very Long) Please help me get past this
I'm so sorry you feel this way. My only advice is to GTG w/ all involved and express how you feel. HTH
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: (Very Long) Please help me get past this
For and foremost, I am so sorry you were disappointed. I agree with what many of the other girls said about hosting your own house party after the wedding.
I also agree with them about the fact that you are overreacting. We all have visions of what a perfect bridal shower means to us, but what matters most is that the women in our life love us enough to do anything at all. My MIL threw me a shower and upset me during the whole process because she kept telling me details (I didn't want to know) and really didn't do anything the way I would have wanted. But when the day came, it was beautiful and special because it was what she created for me and the way she wanted to welcome me into her family.
Also, as someone who is MOH for a wedding in July and just threw a shower, please understand that there is A LOT that goes on behind the scenes that the bride does not know about and unfortunately, that the MOH does not necessarily have control over. I was beside myself the whole time because my friend's mother took over completely and selfishly forgot to keep in mind what her daughter would actually have wanted. It was a fight for me to include some small details that I know would mean a lot to my friend and keep her mother in line about it not being her day, but my friend's day. I am not saying this is what happened in yuour case, just wanted to share an example of the fact that sometimes the best laid plans go astray because of reasons that are out of someone's control and that you are not aware of. By not speaking to your MOH since the shower, there may have been things that happened that you don't know about. Give her a call, thank her. But if it makes you feel better, ask her why there were such big changes to the plan. But hear her out.
My friend's shower was last weekend and it was fine. Was it her dream day, or what I envisioned for her shower? Not at all, but I did my best considering the circumstances. But she laughed and cried out of happiness...and thanked me immensely for my efforts.
Aug07OFCbride
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Posted by heatherandrichie
I'm so sorry you feel this way. My only advice is to GTG w/ all involved and express how you feel. HTH
This is JMO- but Id be pretty hurt if I was your MOH and tried to do something thoughtful by taking care of the event for you and you sat me down and said what you wrote here in these kinds of words ....'I didnt want this. I didn't want that. You planned a party for yourself without thinking of me. Im not gonna use the gifts, etc.' So just be careful how you express your disappointment if you do talk to ppl about this!
DNicholes
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Re: (Very Long) Please help me get past this
I think you should move on from this one....there is nothing else you can do here.
You can sit and dwell on it or just be happy that all of those people showed up to shower you with happiness, give both you & you FH gifts to start off your life together. If they had fun....they had fun, why question it.
it's over, you can't do anything more about it so it wasn't in your backyard & you opened gifts....well, have a HUGE housewarming BBQ this summer and do everything you wanted to do...
LaurenluvsTJ
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I am sorry you were disappointed, but i agree with the the others... you are being ungrateful. You don't know all the circumstances that went into planning the shower.. Perhaps to have it at her house was to expensive, or just too much work for her. Maybe she was afraid of rain, what would she have done if the weather was bad? You need to get over it. She did not plan this party for her benefit, she planned it for you! Maybe its not what you expected, but you had a shower with people who meant something to you, and they all came to celebrate you as the bride-to-be. Does it really matter where it was? If you want the house party, then throw a house party after your wedding.
LuvMyAlfonse
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You must be a scorpio... are you? (Serious question)...
danielle19755
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Posted by Aug07OFCbride
Posted by imas98
I don't like Bridal Showers....I hate going to them. I didn't even care about registering...she insisted I do it and she constantly checked my registry saying this & that was bought.
I have piles of gifts I'll probable never use.
I didn't want a shower, definitely didn't want it to be all girls, didn't want the restaurant thing and didn't want to be surprised. And that's exactly what she turned it into.
That's why I'm upset...not because the party was bad...but because my best friend bossed everyone around for months and it resulted in a party she planned for herself without thinking about me.
And I know it's alot of work...i planned her shower a few years back.
Yikes!
She didnt do it for her good health, she planned a party for YOU.
Why wouldnt you use your gifts??
You just sound so focused on what you 'didnt want' and 'didnt get'...hopefully youll just be grateful for what they did at some pt. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I just dont get it.
I agree
imas98
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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
You must be a scorpio... are you? (Serious question)...
No but the MOH is....why ?
I agree it's over and done with but the fact that she called me up everyday for a year and we talked about what I wanted as if we were planning this together and then just changed it is what I had an issue with. My mother paid for the party....she would've paid for a tent and chairs if she knew that's what we wanted.
Thank you for the suggestions but we already had the housewarming party on the pretense the shower would be a certain way. After speaking to all involved (BP & both mom's) over this week the conclusion was MOH controlled the whole thing and 'micromanaged' every task she delegated. My mother doesn't even know what Cinco de Mayo IS and she's the most passive person. I would've used my house & helped with everything had I known this months ago...it's not like it was a surprise.
I know I have to talk to her eventually but I just need this time first....
HelenZ
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Posted by imas98
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
You must be a scorpio... are you? (Serious question)...
No but the MOH is....why ?
I agree it's over and done with but the fact that she called me up everyday for a year and we talked about what I wanted as if we were planning this together and then just changed it is what I had an issue with. My mother paid for the party....she would've paid for a tent and chairs if she knew that's what we wanted.
Thank you for the suggestions but we already had the housewarming party on the pretense the shower would be a certain way. After speaking to all involved (BP & both mom's) over this week the conclusion was MOH controlled the whole thing and 'micromanaged' every task she delegated. My mother doesn't even know what Cinco de Mayo IS and she's the most passive person. I would've used my house & helped with everything had I known this months ago...it's not like it was a surprise.
I know I have to talk to her eventually but I just need this time first....
Just a suggestion, but if you have another party at your house, it doesnt have to be called a 'housewarming party', it can be Fourth of July, Labor Day etc.......you are saying you just wanted to be able to hang out and mingle with your guests (male & female) and just having a regular old party without having any formal name for it is the best way to do that. You're also saying you didn't want gifts, but a housewarming party would be an event where you would potentially get gifts. I guess I'm a little confused!
I'm glad that our responses are helping you out, b/c if you would've discussed this situation with your MOH before coming on here and venting, then that really could have turned into a tense situation. Your shower was just a few days ago, I'm sure after this venting session you can move on to bigger & better things......like the wedding!!!! Don't let this get in the way now, its over & done with. Best of luck to you!!
LuvMyAlfonse
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Ah - b/c scorpios tend to forgive but never forget so I was thinking you two have a long, long road ahead of you.
I know I am SO in the minority on this - but I completely understand where you are coming from. I don't think you're being ungrateful b/c I can almost picture the conversations that you had with your MOH about your shower.
I don't think you're being bridezilla either. You were gonna throw a PARTY, not shower, so you could mingle with your guests (I assume so it's quicker at the reception). She knew you were gonna do this, you were specific about what you wanted and she took it away from you and made it what she thought it should be - not what you wanted.
IMO, it's as if you DID NOT want a stripper for your bachelorette party you wanted a trip to the vineyards. Now, tradition dictates that your BP plans your bach party and you have no say. But, your MOH takes you to a strip club anyway because that's what she wants. I personally think it's rude. And shows no respect for the bride's wishes. Again, similar to my FH say, not wanting a surprise 30th birthday and I do it anyway. I think it's rude. JMO.
I understand where you're coming from. You'll get over it though, like you say, in time.
imas98
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Re: (Very Long) Please help me get past this
Posted by HelenZ
Posted by imas98
Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
You must be a scorpio... are you? (Serious question)...
No but the MOH is....why ?
I agree it's over and done with but the fact that she called me up everyday for a year and we talked about what I wanted as if we were planning this together and then just changed it is what I had an issue with. My mother paid for the party....she would've paid for a tent and chairs if she knew that's what we wanted.
Thank you for the suggestions but we already had the housewarming party on the pretense the shower would be a certain way. After speaking to all involved (BP & both mom's) over this week the conclusion was MOH controlled the whole thing and 'micromanaged' every task she delegated. My mother doesn't even know what Cinco de Mayo IS and she's the most passive person. I would've used my house & helped with everything had I known this months ago...it's not like it was a surprise.
I know I have to talk to her eventually but I just need this time first....
Just a suggestion, but if you have another party at your house, it doesnt have to be called a 'housewarming party', it can be Fourth of July, Labor Day etc.......you are saying you just wanted to be able to hang out and mingle with your guests (male & female) and just having a regular old party without having any formal name for it is the best way to do that. You're also saying you didn't want gifts, but a housewarming party would be an event where you would potentially get gifts. I guess I'm a little confused!
I'm glad that our responses are helping you out, b/c if you would've discussed this situation with your MOH before coming on here and venting, then that really could have turned into a tense situation. Your shower was just a few days ago, I'm sure after this venting session you can move on to bigger & better things......like the wedding!!!! Don't let this get in the way now, its over & done with. Best of luck to you!!
Thanks Helen.....this has helped. I actually named the 'housewarming party' a 'Meet & Greet' on the invites since the families hadn't met yet and i didn't want people to bring gifts.....and most people didn't. It was alot of fun.
imas98
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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse
Ah - b/c scorpios tend to forgive but never forget so I was thinking you two have a long, long road ahead of you.
I know I am SO in the minority on this - but I completely understand where you are coming from. I don't think you're being ungrateful b/c I can almost picture the conversations that you had with your MOH about your shower.
I don't think you're being bridezilla either. You were gonna throw a PARTY, not shower, so you could mingle with your guests (I assume so it's quicker at the reception). She knew you were gonna do this, you were specific about what you wanted and she took it away from you and made it what she thought it should be - not what you wanted.
IMO, it's as if you DID NOT want a stripper for your bachelorette party you wanted a trip to the vineyards. Now, tradition dictates that your BP plans your bach party and you have no say. But, your MOH takes you to a strip club anyway because that's what she wants. I personally think it's rude. And shows no respect for the bride's wishes. Again, similar to my FH say, not wanting a surprise 30th birthday and I do it anyway. I think it's rude. JMO.
I understand where you're coming from. You'll get over it though, like you say, in time.
THANK YOU SO MUCH !!! You got it exactly...i was just saying to a friend...If you were a Vegetarian and i threw you a party at Peter Luger's Steakhouse how excited would you be ?? You may appreciate all the work I did on the planning but I obviously didn't think about YOU.
ant n tilde
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i understand how you feel but i think (IMO) that you should just thank your MOH and move on since it is all over now and too late to change anything.
Unfortunately, in wedding planning there are MANY things that are techhnically 'for the bride' and they really aren't. I should say they are 'supposed to be' for the bride but it just doesn't turn out that way! There are so many things that we DO get to choose ourselves so sometimes we have to just let go and enjoy that people love us enough to do these things for us!
PS - totally get the stripper analogy! that was the first thing that popped into my head. . .if someone got me a stripper i would probably leave in tears!
baygirl
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Don't take this the wrong way, but COME ON!!! It seems that your MOH is doing her part, and you are not giving her a chance. Hunny, if you wanted a house warming, then you should of had one, and not let anyone convince you not to have one. Then you could of had the best of both worlds, your shower and the house warming. If I were your MOH I would be devestated, no offense, but from what I have read it sounds like you don't deserve her. How could you knock someone for doing something that is expected, a BRIDAL shower. I have never heard of anyone having a house warming instead of BRIDAL shower. Opening the gifts is the best part, it shows you that everyone who cares about you, cared enough to get you something beautiful for your special day. How could you hold that aganist your MOH. I don't know, but I am think the only person who deserves an apology is the YOUR MOH. This story seems to me like your being a BRIDEZILLA, and I'm certain that one day you are going to look back and regret this. And hopefully if your MOH is a great friend, which I can assume she is, if you chose her. SHE IS STILL GOING TO STAND BY YOU!!! Just giving my opinion.
