(Very Long) Please help me get past this

This is a long story but i'll try to condense it:

Last September FH & I wanted a big House Warming party at our house instead of a bridal shower so we could have both guys & girls and it could be casual and fun. My MOH says you can't have it so far in advance why don't we just have it all girls and do it at my house? She decides on Cindo de Mayo which was beyond perfect for me so I agreed ! So FH & I host a small house warming party for immediate family & the bridal party instead.

The Shower was going to be in her backyard, with tables and a tent, fun music and Mexican food. MOH wouldn't let me know all the details in order to keep some things a surprise which is fine because I was happy about the main details.

So fast forward to May....MOB finds out I wanted a backyard casual party so there was no time limit because I wanted to be able to talk to my guests & have fun instead of the focus on just opening presents all day. FH was kept in the dark until last week too.

So for the part that just broke my heart and has caused me to cry everyday for a week is....they booked it in a restaurant. In a Latin place not Mexican, 5 minutes from the MOH's house, at 11:30 am and for only 4 hours. Exactly the opposite of what I wanted.

My mom & FH told me the news the night before because they knew i'd be upset....I didn't even want to go. I cried for 4 hours straight & woke up looking like Rocky Balboa.

The guests tell me they had fun but are you going to tell me it was terrible ?? The place was too huge for 35 people, the echo and noise was unbearable so I had to scream the whole time and it flew by so quickly I barely remember it. I sound like I'm being ungrateful but I would've rather have hosted it at my house & no one bought me a single gift. That's how important this party was to me. This was my one & only Bridal Shower !

I can't even think about it without crying and MOH knows I'm upset with her since we haven't spoken since the shower and she hasn't once said she's sorry. She said it wasn't only me making the decision and mentioned how my expectations were too high ?!? It's a month until my wedding & I'm so upset I don't care anymore. I need to get over this.

Thanks for listening...sorry it's so long.

Sorry that you feel bad.

I don't want to be mean but you are acting ungrateful. Your MOH made the effort to host you a party and you are not happy? If I was your MOH I would be mad at you for being so ungrateful.

I'm sorry you didn't get to have what you wanted.

Try to focus on the positives. MOH tried (and failed but still TRIED) to do something nice for u - and people said they had fun. And trust me when I say that if the guests didn't have fun, they wouldn't say anything at all.

Besides you can still have your party at your house too, the way you wanted it. Just call it a different name.

I don't know if any of this is helping. It stinks to be disappointed. But don't let this ruin your relationship with MOH - you chose her for a reason and you still have the wedding to get through. You're going to want to experience it with good vibes all around.

HTH

I'm so sorry you are so disappointed. At least they did try to give you a good party. I know what it's like trying to plan a shower. However, I can't believe no one brought a gift! I don't get that?? I completely understand why you're upset. Knowing how upset and let down you are someone really should throw another smaller event that's more like a shower where you can be treated as the bride and receive gifts. ??


*** I just reread and realized that you did receive gifts. In light of that I'm still sorry you're so disappointed, but your MOH did try and it's really stressful trying to organize a big event like that. I've just gone through it myself. I was so worried that my sister was going to be disappointed with her shower. It's a lot of pressure. Still, I'm sorry you are so hurt and let down.

I'm sorry you are so upset. I don't really know what to tell you. You have to get past it and try to let it go. You need to call your MOH and hash it out. Deal with it. There is nothing you can do about it now.

I'm so sorry that it was not what you wanted. Honestly, it sounds like you should have just planned it yourself.

After the wedding you and your husband should have a HUGE house party like you had wanted and do what you had wanted for the bridal shower just without the wedding hanging over you. Then you can all truly relax. Maybe have a HUGE fourth of july party?

Look for the positive. I am so sorry that you were so disappointed. Next time you want something done right you know that you have to do it yourself.

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Posted by dawnbridetobe

I am sorry that your shower wasn't exactly or even close to what you wanted, but atleast they gave you a party!! Was your close family and friends all there? I don't mean to come across as rude, but I think you may be over reacting a tad...you can always have a backyard party w/friends. I have an idea in my head of 'my perfect bridal shower' too-but I am not expecting that. As long as my mom and the girls do something nice for me I will be more than happy and extremely grateful! I know its upsetting that you didn't get your ideal shower, but you did get what sounds like a very nice shower and Im sure many nice gifts! Have a welcome home party in your backyard when you get back from the honeymoon-then you will have the both of best worlds.

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very well said

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Posted by AlliCatB

I'm sorry you didn't get to have what you wanted.

Try to focus on the positives. MOH tried (and failed but still TRIED) to do something nice for u - and people said they had fun. And trust me when I say that if the guests didn't have fun, they wouldn't say anything at all.

Besides you can still have your party at your house too, the way you wanted it. Just call it a different name.

I don't know if any of this is helping. It stinks to be disappointed. But don't let this ruin your relationship with MOH - you chose her for a reason and you still have the wedding to get through. You're going to want to experience it with good vibes all around.

HTH

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ITA!

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Posted by iamvocal72


After the wedding you and your husband should have a HUGE house party like you had wanted and do what you had wanted for the bridal shower just without the wedding hanging over you. Then you can all truly relax. Maybe have a HUGE fourth of july party?

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thats a great idea!

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Posted by SoontobeMrsO

Sorry that you feel bad.

I don't want to be mean but you are acting ungrateful. Your MOH made the effort to host you a party and you are not happy? If I was your MOH I would be mad at you for being so ungrateful.

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my sentiments exactly. Again, no offense please..just being honest.

People did go out of their way to throw a party for you. Sorry to put it so bluntly but 'beggars cant be choosers.' If you were throwing your own party, your expectations are realistic bc you know youll handle everything yourself and know what to expect, but when ppl who dont HAVE TO, go out of their way to try to do something special for you, try to take it for what it is. I am really sorry that youre disappointed bc you didnt get exactly what you hoped for, but I really hope that youre able to move past it and see it for what it is- ppl tried to do something nice for you!!!!

i know it wasn't what you wanted---and that kind of sux in a way, but i think you just have to focus on the good and be happy they gave you a party and you had a shower.

not to be mean, but once you found out it wasn't what you wanted, i think you put a mind set that you weren't going to like it and weren't going to be happy. you say you cried for 4 straight hours the nite before cause it was going to be in a restaurant.....why! you still had a nice party to go to! its better than them telling you 'btw--we're not having a party at all, sorry'

i think you just have to get over this one....if you step back from the entire situation, i think that you might be overreacting to this and not appreciating what they did in the end.

why not organize a little bbq over the summer with your girls only to make up for this? no harm no foul

Oh I'm sorry to herd that

Your bridal shower is not for you to control. Although you had voiced your wishes, it was up to those hosting the shower to make the final decision. It is a day that you should have enjoyed instead of fuming over.
You do come across as ungrateful.

Have a casual party later after your wedding. Make it your first offical wedded bliss party.

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Posted by iamvocal72

I'm sorry you are so upset. I don't really know what to tell you. You have to get past it and try to let it go. You need to call your MOH and hash it out. Deal with it. There is nothing you can do about it now.

I'm so sorry that it was not what you wanted. Honestly, it sounds like you should have just planned it yourself.

After the wedding you and your husband should have a HUGE house party like you had wanted and do what you had wanted for the bridal shower just without the wedding hanging over you. Then you can all truly relax. Maybe have a HUGE fourth of july party?
.

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Thanks. That's the thing we wanted to plan it & pay for it ourselves but she insisted. She's known me for 15 years and knows I don't like Bridal Showers....I hate going to them. I didn't even care about registering...she insisted I do it and she constantly checked my registry saying this & that was bought. I have piles of gifts I'll probable never use.

I didn't want a shower, definitely didn't want it to be all girls, didn't want the restaurant thing and didn't want to be surprised. And that's exactly what she turned it into. That's why I'm upset...not because the party was bad...but because my best friend bossed everyone around for months and it resulted in a party she planned for herself without thinking about me.

And I know it's alot of work...i planned her shower a few years back.

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Posted by imas98


I don't like Bridal Showers....I hate going to them. I didn't even care about registering...she insisted I do it and she constantly checked my registry saying this & that was bought.

I have piles of gifts I'll probable never use.

I didn't want a shower, definitely didn't want it to be all girls, didn't want the restaurant thing and didn't want to be surprised. And that's exactly what she turned it into.

That's why I'm upset...not because the party was bad...but because my best friend bossed everyone around for months and it resulted in a party she planned for herself without thinking about me.

And I know it's alot of work...i planned her shower a few years back.

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Yikes!

She didnt do it for her good health, she planned a party for YOU.

Why wouldnt you use your gifts??

You just sound so focused on what you 'didnt want' and 'didnt get'...hopefully youll just be grateful for what they did at some pt. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I just dont get it.

I am sorry you felt disappointed.

It could have been much worse...like not having a bridal shower at all (that is my situation)

I understand we do get wrapped up in ourselves while planning a wedding, but holy cow, you're gonna be out a best friend if you dont gain some perspective here!!