Very Sad

Hi all.

I am a poster on here but changed my identity so no one I know reads this.

My wedding is a not far away and I allowed all my bridal party to pick their own dresses. Each girl picked their choice of dress and I wanted them in the same material and same color, with the exception of my MOH who I wanted in a different color (same material as the others).

My MOH is pregnant and is showing. She waited to order her dress because she didn't know how far along she'd be.

Today she went to order her dress, and took her mom, she didn't ask me to go because she was sure of the one she was getting.

It winds up that the one she thought she'd get, doesn't fit her well and this is ok. I told them ALL to pick whichever dress, please keep it in the same material & color.

My MOH calls me this afternoon and says she got her dress. She got a totally different color than the one I wanted her to have AND a DIFFERENT material!!?

I am besides myself, and want to do nothing but cry. She came over and showed me the dress ONLINE. Don't get me wrong the dress isn't ugly, but it is totally different. The material she chose doesnt match with the others, and is NOT what I wanted . I do not like it.

When I asked her does it come in the material I chose she said yes but she didnt like the way it looked on her and that the dress in the material I picked was $150 more to alter. I offered to pay and she still said no.

Now please don't get me wrong, I am so happy shes pregnant, but I am asking of her, for one day, to do for me what I want, and that is wearing the material & color I chose for her

She told my BM that I will 'have to deal with it'.

I am so hurt you have no idea.
Please help me.

EDITED to say, in the beginning all the BM and me went to pick dresses, i wanted them in ALL THE SAME COLOR AND MATERIAL. They all chose & I had saw & agreed to what they chose.
Yesterday when my MOH went, she chose KNOWING i wanted them in all the same material INCLUDING her. The dress she chose COMES in the material I chose but she doesnt like it on her.

This is not all about her, but the happies day of my life

PS I am also hurt that she didnt call me from the store and even ask me to meet her to see the dress and what I thought of it. She took it upon herself to pick!

I'm sorry! You have every right to be upset. She should have at least consulted with you before she bought the dress. I'm sure since she's your MOH you're very close to her, and her behavior probably hurts a lot. I'm not sure what advice I can give you. It's a difficult situation. Maybe someone else will have a good way of dealing with it. In the meantime....

KarenM

well ... what if you face her and tell her how hurt you are? if you let it go, it will eat your soul for the rest of your days, because you will se her on your pictures on that dress you don't like ... JMO

good luck!

I did tell her I don't like it, and to please not get that one. She kep telling me she's getting it

I have really been thinking hard about this one. I really think there are only three choices.

1. Let her keep the dress she ordered today
2. BEG her to change it
3. If she can not see how important this is to you, ask her to step down.

That was not nice of her!

I have to say that perhaps hormones played a role in her defiance. My MOH gave birth a month before my wedding and she absolutely TORTURED me over HER needs and REQUIREMENTS to be a part of my wedding. Had I not been friends with her for over 20 years, it would have been unforgiveable. We ended up having it out right after she gave birth. She asked me why we hadn't talked it out earlier and I told her that I refused to have an argument w/ a woman about to give birth! I think you need to assess how much abuse you are willing to take to maintain the friendship post wedding. If it is not worth it to you, by all means cut the cord, but please try to not let it upset you even though she is self centered and thoughtless. Bottom line: On your wedding day, everyone is going to be so busy marvelling at how beautiful you are, that her attempt to call attention to herself will go unnoticed and she will really be insignificant to everyone else. I wish you the best and am sorry this happend to you!

I agree with DL-- you have those three choices! Believe I understand dealing with a pregnant woman's hormones! Outside of this be as accomdating as you can, but your pictures and video will last longer than her pregnancy! If she cannot understand this then she needs to step down.


I am sorry that you are going through this! I hope it works out!

Thanks for your comments

I will talk to her today. I am almost afraid to make the call for yesterday she said I was 'over reacting' and hung up on me when I started to cry on the phone and asked her to please order a dress in the same material as the others.

When she came over she told my BM 'She has to deal with it' so I am afraid she will yell at me again'. I feel like a child afraid to ask my parents something.

What if I had all the girls wear the same dress? Then what? I should have did this, maybe I wouldn't have this problem

Ugh. This is no fun at all. Remember something when you call her -- no matter what she wears, it won't ruin your wedding. Your wedding will be beautiful and perfect because you are getting married. She thinks the dress doesn't matter in the big picture, and she is right. However, this disagreement is more about friendship and support then your picture-perfect wedding day. The question to me is why doesn't she care about your feelings, whether or not she agrees with them?

FYI - My best guess is that she is very uncomfortable with her appearance right now, and that she is trying to make herself feel good about getting dressed up and being in front of a camera. I think her own insecurity is getting in the way of her sense of good friendship.

Sorry that your so upset but didn't you tell them they could go pick whatever dress they wanted, if so, you really shouldn't be upset she did what you told her to do. Regarding the color and the material, I guess she should have stuck with what you asked them to get but is what she decided on really bad? I'm sorry if I'm coming across in a nasty way, that's not how I want you to take it. Maybe her choice will look really great

Yes I said she could choose whatever dress she wanted but in the material, and color I wanted.

The dress she chose, comes in the material & color I want, but SHE doesn't want it.

The dress she chose totally does NOT match and does NOT look good with the others

I agree then that you need to speak with her and tell her that you don't mind the dress but she really needed to pick the same color and material. I hope it works out for you.

I hope everything works out for you