I posted a few days ago about my wedding dress situation. I bought a dress from a store going out of business for $350. I found another dress that I LOVED more because I felt that I wasnt in love with the first one anymore. Soooo anyway I told my mom just now about it- she was the one who came shopping with me for it. I told her that I found another dress and she went off!!! She said that she was extremely hurt and shocked that I would do this and that she thinks it's INSANE and OBSCENE that I would want another wedding dress. She was saying that it's just a wedding and the dress is just a dress. She said she shared a moment and now the moment is gone. Then she pretty much hung up on me and said she couldnt talk about it anymore. I feel so upset about this. I didnt do this to hurt my mom at all. I just couldnt wear a dress that I didnt love anymore. I asked her if she would come with me to get the other dress and she said no. I dont know what to do. I am so upset by this. Thanks for listening!!
KRISTIND
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
She will get over it.....people remember the dress and the cake so you need to love your dress...let her cool down...you can use the original dress to make your baby's christening gown and line the crib
jtgarsik
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
at the end of all my wedding planning, i came to the conclusion that mothers have a LOT of emotions leading up untill the big day...and unfortunately it comes out in different ways I have a very VERY close relationship with my mother, and the few weeks before the wedding, i found myself in tears a couple times over things that i thought were so silly. Luckily the lovely ladies on LIW assured me that it was just emotion. You mom is probably happy, sad, & just bittersweet about it all...finding your wedding gown was probably a great day for the two of you... unfortunately for her sake, a dress is NOT 'just a dress'...not on ur wedding day anyway I would give her a little time to blow off some steam... give her time to calm down & come to her senses...i'm SURE deep down she wants you to be happy & to have the dress of your dreams. I know EXACTLY how u feel about how u didn't want to hurt her...you can know that you really didn't! it's honestly just her emotions coming out...she's losing her baby girl and time goes by quick ya know?? Let a few days go by, give her a hug & tell her u love her ..have a real talk with her(no argueing ) and really let her know how u feel..not just about the dress, but that u didn't want to hurt her either! i'm sorry u're going through this girlie..but hopefully it'll settle soon! we're all here for ya to vent whenever u need too!
mokie74m
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
I am sorry that you and your mom had an argument. It sounds like she was just upset because she felt that you and her shared a special moment when you picked out the first dress. I'm sure she will get over it. The dress is more than just a dress, you definately should get one that you absolutely love.
xosweetiexo
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
WOw, I think she is overreacting. Its not like you went and bought the other dress without her.... you told her that you wanted her to be there as well. I would go get the dress that you are IN LOVE WITH or your going to regret it later on. I've come to my conclusion that I am going to do what makes ME happy b/c at the end of the day its MY wedding!!! I'm the one who is going to look back and think about the decisions I made, and I want to be happy about them. Dont just settle for a dress b/c shes upset about it right now- I think she'll get over it. Its not like you spent over 1K on it or anything. Maybe you can sell it on ebay??
lauraandrob2009
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Not to get to psychological on you but I can't help but feel that our Moms sometime are living it all again through us and so their emotions get the better of them too - based on their personal choices etc. At the end of it all, it is YOUR day - your once in a lifetime day and don't feel bad about doing what you want to do. As long as you are kind and respectful of their opinions, it all works out in the end.
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Posted by cutiegirlxo
WOw, I think she is overreacting. Its not like you went and bought the other dress without her.... you told her that you wanted her to be there as well. I would go get the dress that you are IN LOVE WITH or your going to regret it later on. I've come to my conclusion that I am going to do what makes ME happy b/c at the end of the day its MY wedding!!! I'm the one who is going to look back and think about the decisions I made, and I want to be happy about them. Dont just settle for a dress b/c shes upset about it right now- I think she'll get over it. Its not like you spent over 1K on it or anything. Maybe you can sell it on ebay??
Thank for your comment! I do agree that I think she is overreacting. I told her that I wanted her to be there to see the dress with me. I even told her I would sell the dress on ebay to get some money for it. I do agree that you need to do what makes you happy....I mean it's my wedding! I think she looks at the wedding as just another day and I look at it as the most important day of my life so it's hard to see eye to eye.
bride2binli
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Its your day and YOU need to love the dress your in or else foreverrr your going to look at your pictures and say 'There was this other dress i loved and i shouldn't have listened to my mom' my mom kinda did something similar when we went dress shopping. It was just a coincidence that the dress i got was the 1 she loved but when i was down to the final 2 I told her'ma im going to get the 1 i love' I then went back without her knowing and tried both them on and walked around with both on and looked at them from every angle and made my decision alone. The problem is we want to be happy and see our moms happy for us, but honestly I learned early on in this planning that your never going to make EVERYONE happy and inthe end the day is about you and your future hubby!
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Posted by bride2binli
Its your day and YOU need to love the dress your in or else foreverrr your going to look at your pictures and say 'There was this other dress i loved and i shouldn't have listened to my mom' my mom kinda did something similar when we went dress shopping. It was just a coincidence that the dress i got was the 1 she loved but when i was down to the final 2 I told her'ma im going to get the 1 i love' I then went back without her knowing and tried both them on and walked around with both on and looked at them from every angle and made my decision alone. The problem is we want to be happy and see our moms happy for us, but honestly I learned early on in this planning that your never going to make EVERYONE happy and inthe end the day is about you and your future hubby!
Thank you so much for your comment. You are 100% correct and I think I just need to hear it!! I just feel so awful because I know how upset she is...but then again she does take everything to the extreme. I mean the way shes acting you would think that something terrible happened. You are right that I definitely cant make everyone happy. I think I was just hoping things would go smoothly. I seriously tried so hard to keep loving the first dress...but I just had to be honest about it.
LIBride1121
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
I am so sorry this happened to you. I know all about trying to please the unpleasable mom.
Next time you talk to her, say the same things she said to you....it's just a dress, what's the big deal? There is no need to overreact. And just throw in there the is it really worth it to be upset at each other over just a dress? Maybe try to explain that she had the wedding of her dreams X years ago and now it's your turn. I'm sure she just needs time to cool down and things will be fine.
Again, I second it’s your day and in the end you and FH need to be happy. We have all learned that you can never please everyone, so take care of your needs and wants and the rest will fall into place. Good luck!
joghac
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Gosh Moms are so weird when it comes to weddings. No matter how close you are with her, there will still be some very odd emotions that come from them. I just dont get it. My mom has been yelling at my dad for stupid things, telling me her opinion on things when I dont really want it, and then sometimes she is as happy as can be, talking about her dress and shoes and stuff. I thought I was the only one with a weird mom but my friends assured me it happened to all of them. Maybe its the whole factor that their daughter is getting married, and it just takes over their emotions. Someone I work with, whos daughter just got married, said that for her gift from her daughter was tickets to see a show in the city. It was after the wedding was over, and it was just the two of them. She said this was so nice because it was so unexpected and it was great to spend some time together after all the fuss was over. I may do something like this... Just bear with her, she will get over it and will call you and act normal one day and ask about the new dress.
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Posted by joghac
Gosh Moms are so weird when it comes to weddings. No matter how close you are with her, there will still be some very odd emotions that come from them. I just dont get it. My mom has been yelling at my dad for stupid things, telling me her opinion on things when I dont really want it, and then sometimes she is as happy as can be, talking about her dress and shoes and stuff. I thought I was the only one with a weird mom but my friends assured me it happened to all of them. Maybe its the whole factor that their daughter is getting married, and it just takes over their emotions. Someone I work with, whos daughter just got married, said that for her gift from her daughter was tickets to see a show in the city. It was after the wedding was over, and it was just the two of them. She said this was so nice because it was so unexpected and it was great to spend some time together after all the fuss was over. I may do something like this... Just bear with her, she will get over it and will call you and act normal one day and ask about the new dress.
So funny- that sound exactly like my mom. She can be sooo happy sometimes and everything is fine but then she can give her opinion when I dont want it at all. Then she gets upset when I disagree with her. The tickets sound like a great idea! Maybe I will do something like that too. I hope you are right- that she will get over it and it wont be a big deal anymore.
tre27cee
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
she will get over it dont worry, she is just being a mom. moms feel like your wedding day is all about them and you, not just you. you need a dress you love 100%, its your day, just be nice to her and it will pass over, and i bet anything she will see you in the new dress and LOVE it more then the other one. hope everything works out
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Thanks so much for everyones comments. I really appreciate it. I just feel like I did something wrong and I hate this feeling. I hate when my mom is upset with me. I feel like maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and just kept the first dress!!! :(
xosweetiexo
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Posted by LousBride09
Thanks so much for everyones comments. I really appreciate it. I just feel like I did something wrong and I hate this feeling. I hate when my mom is upset with me. I feel like maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and just kept the first dress!!! :(
Your welcome!! Just remember.. its YOUR DAY!!!! You dont want to be walking down the aisle thinking 'UGHHHH I should be in the other dress and not this one' lol You want to be thinking 'I look amazing.... I'm so gorgeous- everyone look at meeeeeeeeee' LOL
lucamon
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Is she upset because of the $$ spent on the dress? What if you sell the dress and get the money back? Then you can buy yourself the dress of your dreams.
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
Posted by lucamon
Is she upset because of the $$ spent on the dress? What if you sell the dress and get the money back? Then you can buy yourself the dress of your dreams.
I think she is more upset because of the 'moment' we shared. I think the money is part of it though and I plan on selling the dress on ebay. It was $350 and the new dress is $1,100 which she thinks its crazy but I'm paying for it.
RedtoWed
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice
your mother is being selfish and crazy, you would be crazy not to get the other dress.. if you can, maybe just pay for it yourself! GOOD LUCK!
LousBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice UPDATE!!
UPDATE!!!!
So I wound up ordering the dress this weekend. Since my mom said she didnt want to come with me- I took my sister. It was a little weird not having my mom there but Im happy my sister at least saw the dress. My mom still isnt speaking to me. I really hope she she gets over it soon. Just wanted to thank you ladies for your support! It really means a lot to me.
WHOSZDATGIRL
Posted:
Member since
Re: VERY upset- Need advice UPDATE!!
WELL IN THE PAST WEEK MY MOTHER HAS CALLED ME HORRIBLE THINGS...IM 9 DAYS AWAY & ITS HORRIBLE BUT ALL THE FAMILY BS IM DEALING WITH, IM MISRABLE. I SHOULD BE ESTATIC & I FEEL LIKE I JUST CANT WAIT TO GET TO JAMAICA...SO I UNDERSTAND...ITS YOUR DAY, JUST REMEMBER THAT.
