Very upset with FH

Ok so FH goes through periods where he wants kids and doesn't. So I don't remember how we just got into it but now he doesn't want kids and doesn't know if he ever will. So I said he needs to think about this and let me know tomorrow. Why do I say tomorrow. Because my Mom has to make another payment on the RH Saturday. And not to mention my sister and I are going looking for BM dresses Saturday.
I told him I will not Marry him if he doesn't want kids and that's something I will not sacrifice. He said he looks at what his brother and SIL go through (sleepless nights, crying/screaming baby) and doesn't knwo if he wants that. He is on his way to his brothers now to watch stupid football. So I called his brother and asked him to talk to him and tell him this is serious.

I don't know what to do. I'm beside myself right now.

i hope it all works out for you, be strong.

I went thru something very similar with FH. He never really wanted kids, well so he says. And me well I would die if I didnt have babies!! But for him he was scared about the money and raising the kids to be 'good and well rounded' which isnt so easy in today's society.
We had a huge blowout about a year ago, bc he would alwyas say that he didnt want kids but i always blew it off. He is obsessed with his nephews and my nieces/nephews and is so amazing with children that i jsut never believed it.Finally one day i told him well you need to tell me honestly bc i cant be with you if you dont want children, to make a long story short he has come to terms with the idea that we are having kids, and even talks about names etc.
I hope things work out with you and FH too

I just told him its a sacrifice you make together obviously you don't love me enough if you don't want to have kids with me. If it's not me it will be with someone else because that's how it always happens
So then he said it has nothing to do with love. I don' tthink I want the responsibility. You must not love me if you can't respect my decision.
So I just said I respect your decision. I can't be with you then. I suggested instead of him going out of state to his lil brothers college game saturday that he pack up and go. And that maybe he should stay at his brothers the rest of the week.
So he just said he is going to stay here. And he will start getting his stuff tomorrow.

I'm sorry... but he could just be freaked out. Honestly I have days where I am like I AM NOT HAVING KIDS!! But I know deep down I eventually will. Right now the idea terrifies me though lol. So the fact that he goes back and forth, not that he is dead set against it , is a good sign.

Really make him think about this though. A family friend married a woman who told him from day one she did not want kids. Maybe he thought he could live without them, or thought he could change her mind, who knows, but needless to say they divorced after six years. She told him from the get go though.

I am sorry you going through this right now. I think you both need your space to really think about everything and then talk again when you guys have some time to think alone.

i'm sorry i hope everything works out!

Wow...I am so sorry. I have to say though for me if FH really didnt want to have kids I dont think I could accept it bc it is something that is very important to me. On the other hand how old is he? Maybe right now he is young and cant picture it ....Im sorry your going through this

I am sorry that you have to go through this!! I would want to know too, I don't know if I would be able to marry someone that didn't want kids..but I also know that sometimes I say im not having kids when I know deep down I want them.



I hope it all works out for you. Hopefully his brother will talk some sense into him.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know this is something you say you won't budge on, but giving him a few hours to decide on something that's life changing isn't the answer, unfortunately, it's something that takes time, and a LOT of talking. Every family and situation is different, and just because one family deals with screaming and crying kids doesn't mean that that's your fate as well, he needs to decide whether to have a family, it's a big undertaking, especially now, but don't sacrifice an entire marriage for this, you need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart, no tv's, no phones, no interruptions, I hope you guys can get through this together.

Im so sorry that youre going through this. I hope everything works out for you. We are all here if you need to talk

what you need to do is talk to him..seriously....not give him an ultimatum...this is a BIG deal. log off the computer right now and talk to him. I have wanted kids since I knew I could have them...lol so to me...this was a discussion I had as soon as we starting dating....this cannot be decided in a day....this is a life changing thing....go to him now..tell him how much you love him and go from there...I hope things work out for the best...

Ok so I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine having to have this sort of discussion/argument with FH.

I want to make it really clear that in NO WAY am I saying that you and FH should not be getting married. I just want to put a different perspective out there. I have seen a couple of other women on this site talk about this same problem, so hopefully it comforts you to know that you aren't alone. It is a difficult thing though because on the one hand I feel like Of course he should want to have children with you! He loves you very much (obviously) so thats all you need! But it is so important to realize that some people just don't want the responsibility of having children. So to say 'if you love me enough you would have children' isnt necessarily fair to FH OR to the children you might have. I have heard of people who get married and one doesnt really want children but the couple has them anyway. I think a certain amount of resentment might always exist if the person truly didnt want children in the first place. My father was not involved in my childhood and still isn't now. I dont know if it is because he didnt want children or what. But I always swore that when I had children it would be with someone who truly wanted them. Neither of you should have to compromise on this issue. Have a conversation about it. NO ultimatums, just a heart to heart. I hope this works out!

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is of course EXTREMELY important for you and FH to agree on this. So, I am glad you are both discussing it.

As was said previously, his not wanting to have children is not a reflection of his love for you. He may simply just not want children. And the wrong time to find out is after you are married, or while you are pregnant, or after you have a baby and he disappears.

The important thing to remember is that you love and him and he loves you. This is something you need to discuss. Sleepless nights and midnight feedings are only for a few months. Tell him to imaging coming home from work and having his baby smile at him, or run towards him with arms wide open. Taking his child to soccer or little league. All the wonderful things that come with parent hood. The fact is some men just plain freak out when they think about taking care of a baby, but forget about all the great things after the infant stage.

I cannot tell you what to do. I understand you are upset about all this but if neither of you are willing to compromise then I guess the choice is already made. But try to talk to him rationally. Saying things like 'if you loved me more you would want my children' sounds like you are trying to guilt him into the decision. And it is not something that should be taken lightly.

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Ok so I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't imagine having to have this sort of discussion/argument with FH.

I want to make it really clear that in NO WAY am I saying that you and FH should not be getting married. I just want to put a different perspective out there. I have seen a couple of other women on this site talk about this same problem, so hopefully it comforts you to know that you aren't alone. It is a difficult thing though because on the one hand I feel like Of course he should want to have children with you! He loves you very much (obviously) so thats all you need! But it is so important to realize that some people just don't want the responsibility of having children. So to say 'if you love me enough you would have children' isnt necessarily fair to FH OR to the children you might have. I have heard of people who get married and one doesnt really want children but the couple has them anyway. I think a certain amount of resentment might always exist if the person truly didnt want children in the first place. My father was not involved in my childhood and still isn't now. I dont know if it is because he didnt want children or what. But I always swore that when I had children it would be with someone who truly wanted them. Neither of you should have to compromise on this issue. Have a conversation about it. NO ultimatums, just a heart to heart. I hope this works out!

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I totally agree. As someone who doesn't want kids herself (and neither does FH) I don't really think it is about him loving you or not.
But I do think that if you want them and he doesn't it could definitely be a deal breaker.

so sorry you have to go through this..i hope it all works out for u

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Posted by lizzie217

Wow...I am so sorry. I have to say though for me if FH really didnt want to have kids I dont think I could accept it bc it is something that is very important to me. On the other hand how old is he? Maybe right now he is young and cant picture it ....Im sorry your going through this

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He's 28. He very undecided right now, he's like bargaining. Well how about 5 years after getting married? I told him no. I want to wait at least a year or two after getting married, not 5 years. It will happen when it happens.