Ok so FH goes through periods where he wants kids and doesn't. So I don't remember how we just got into it but now he doesn't want kids and doesn't know if he ever will. So I said he needs to think about this and let me know tomorrow. Why do I say tomorrow. Because my Mom has to make another payment on the RH Saturday. And not to mention my sister and I are going looking for BM dresses Saturday. I told him I will not Marry him if he doesn't want kids and that's something I will not sacrifice. He said he looks at what his brother and SIL go through (sleepless nights, crying/screaming baby) and doesn't knwo if he wants that. He is on his way to his brothers now to watch stupid football. So I called his brother and asked him to talk to him and tell him this is serious.
I don't know what to do. I'm beside myself right now.
bride2be8
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Re: Very upset with FH
I called him before and we talked and he said what I just posted above. And I told him that instead of being at his brothers watching footbal he should be here talking about this with me and it sounded like he could care less.
aimerlena01
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Re: Very upset with FH
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You want to be sure you are marrying someone who wants the same things in life as you. You really need to try to have a serious conversation without yelling. You both have to be honest and neither can say what the other person wants to hear now just to get married. Not that you are. If he feels deep inside he doesn't want kids and you do then you will have to think carefully before marrying him. If he says he wants kids but he doesn't want them right away maybe there can be a compromise. I really hope everything works out for you.
On the same note, and in case this helps...
I was so completely sure that as soon as I got married I wanted a kid. My sister had a baby in June and ever since that baby was born I've had to talk to my fiance and say that I know I said I wanted kids right away but looking at how much work it is I would really like to wait. I know I want kids one day but I don't think I want to try right away. It's just soooo much. Have the discussion with him to see if he just needs time. If he feels you are pressuring him to have kids right now he may say he doesn't want kids all together when that really isn't the case.
MrsList09
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Re: Very upset with FH
Maybe you guys should sit down with a marriage counselor and discuss it before making any big decisions. A marriage counselor (or priest) could help you talk it out and uncover what the issues are. Maybe if you understand each other better, you can make a better decision about if he wants kids and whether you want to stay together. I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish you the best of luck.
ddnsp618
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Re: Very upset with FH
im really sorry hall twin....give him some time to cool down...then sit down and talk to him...this is very serious and i hope everything will work out
MrsDtoBe09
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Yikes! That's a real issue. Good luck, I hope everthing works out for you!
xosweetiexo
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Re: Very upset with FH
I'm really sorry about this- b/c this is the last thing you need to be going through while planning for a wedding But, maybe he's just scared right now. He's not completely ruling out kids- I just think that he wants to 'enjoy' married life for a while b4 he jumps into having kids. Children are a huuuuuge responsibility and everyone I've spoken to says that their lives changed and they couldn't do it anymore. I LOOOOVE children, but when people say that- it scares me too. Esp. since you said he sees what his brother goes through...he's prob. afraid of dealing with all of that right now. Maybe after you get married- he'll change his mind and want children after 2 yrs. His brother needs to stop talking about the negatives that come with children and start talking about the positive things. Also, remember that your FH loves you and wants to be with you forever (which is why he's marrying you). I want you to enjoy all of this...just keep thinking positive thoughts and make sure his brother stops being so negative around him
angels914
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Re: Very upset with FH
I am so sorry that you are going through this with your FH.... it is not a good thing... It is not an easy thing for some guys because it takes away all your time from him... even though you are a family now. Us women think so differently about this, and a lot of men don't .... believe me... I went thru this in my last marriage ! Having kids is a huge responsibility and sometimes it is not easy. When I met FH he had full custody of his three kids... so now between us, we have 4.... If I did not love FH the way I do , I would have walked away from the relationship... but I did not .... so now we have 4 kids in the house... There is not much alone time for us...but we get through it . If you want to talk about it just send me an FM.... I will be more than happy to talk to you !!!!!!
bride2be8
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Re: Very upset with FH
He called and said he was coming home because he wanted to talk to me. So my stomach dropped of course.
I was sitting on the floor watching TV. he came over right away sat on the floor and I looked at him. He looked like he was going to cry. So he said I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the way I acted I love you and I don't want to loose you for me being selfish. I'm afraid because of what happened to me and I don't want that for our kids but I realize I can be afraid and I want to have kids in the future. (His father died at 31 years of age when FH was 3 of a heart attack) So we talked it out and we are ok. Thanks ladies for being there for me. You all are great!
xosweetiexo
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AWWWWW YAYYYY that's amazing!!! I'm so happy for you!!! Okay, now back to planning missy!!!
ttdiff11
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awwwww thats greatt!!!!
Sweeteey51
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thats great
meara
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That is really hard to be going through. I do think that you are right that if he does truly believe this it won't work. . I have had more than one friend get divorced for this reason. b/c they thought the other person would change their mind, and they didn't.
That said, I would give him a little more time, i do AGREE that he should be there talking but maybe just let him freak out and think w/o the pressure of you have to know by saturday BUT I also know that you need to know b/c of the pressures but it's hard to make serious decisions in the midst of all the planning and stuff. .
can you tell him you need to talk about this and have him give you a time in the next few days when he is willing to sit down face to face and do so?
OOH never mind. . so glad it worked out for You!
redvelvet
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Re: Very upset with FH
yay...i was sad on the 1st page but I am glad you guys could work this out and both feel good about the outcome
Karsav7096
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I love happy endings!!!!!
Nuvia97
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Re: Very upset with FH
Glad to see you guys sat down and spoke about it all. I know this was definitely a deal maker/breaker for FH and I as well and we brought it up before even getting engaged to be sure we had similar views.
kcreagh
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aww I am so happy things worked out for you both!b
Kricket212
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Re: Very upset with FH
I am happy for you too. I would just not pressure him to a time line........it may come back to haunt you. I would just let nature take it's course.
Brat23
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Re: Very upset with FH
It is completely different when those screaming kids are your own. There is NOTHING in this world that can ever describe the way you feel whne your child is born.
And the screaming diapers crying etc is only for a very short period of time.
And they don't behave that way everyday. Each child is different and unique.
Explain all of this and how you feel to him.
I don't blame you. I already have 2 kids so if I didn't and I was in your position I would feel the same way.
This is serious and and decisions have to made. Children is the one thing I would NOT sacrifice.
