Very Upset/Frustrated/Sad (long)

So FH is divorced, and has been for some time. Long story short, his ex had mental health issues and was not willing to get help/treatment.

He is legally divorced, and last July (months before we were engaged), submitted papers for his marriage to be annulled through the Catholic Church.

His ex stalled on submitting her required paperwork/affidavits. All of her affidavits came in around February, but she did not submit her own paperwork. She apparently told the diocese that she had too much to say, and not enough time to put it on paper.

She agreed to an interview with the diocese, but kept putting it off. The diocese told FH that she would be interviewing on June 31st. I pointed out that there is no such thing as June 31st, and is that kind of like the 12th of never.

Pushed FH to follow up about what happens if she just doesn't interview. At some point, they move forward without her, and reach their determination.

Our wedding is in December (12/12). We were told to order invites in August (I believe by August 1st). So, we need to know by then if we are getting married in a church.

I have never been married before, and want the church wedding. I am very frustrated that his ex has allowed this to drag along for so long.

Does anyone have any advice? Can we wait a little longer than 8/1 o do invites? How much longer? Any advice about speeding up the annullment process? has anyone been through anything similar?

I am so so upset/frustrated

I am so sorry you are going through this.. I unfortunately don't have any advice. Just know what anightmare the process was for a couple of my friends. Hope it all works out for you.

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Posted by lauraandrob2009

I am so sorry you are going through this.. I unfortunately don't have any advice. Just know what anightmare the process was for a couple of my friends. Hope it all works out for you.

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Thanks. I am having an anxiety attack over this, just got off the phone with my sister. This is so ridiclous, and I don't need to cry about this, but I am.

Either way, we are getting married on 12/12, but this stinks.

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this! It definitely sounds like she has mental health issues, besides being an inconsiderate dolt. But that doesn't really help right now.

You can definitely wait longer than 8/1 to order your invitations! I'm not sure where you're planning to get them, but ours came in less than two weeks after we ordered them. Depending on when you plan to send them out, you may well be able to wait until 9/1 to order them.

Hopefully the church will give him a decision asap, or at least give you the decision about whether you can still get married in your church either way.

The last resort option would be to schedule your ceremony at another location for your wedding this year and get married on your first anniversary in the church. That's what my dad and step-mom did (and I believe for similar reasons, since my dad had only been divorced a few months before he and my step-mom married). I think the official annulment took longer (although I don't know much about it).

HTH... things will work out!!! BIG HUG!!!!

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Posted by springsandra

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this! It definitely sounds like she has mental health issues, besides being an inconsiderate dolt. But that doesn't really help right now.

You can definitely wait longer than 8/1 to order your invitations! I'm not sure where you're planning to get them, but ours came in less than two weeks after we ordered them. Depending on when you plan to send them out, you may well be able to wait until 9/1 to order them.

Hopefully the church will give him a decision asap, or at least give you the decision about whether you can still get married in your church either way.

The last resort option would be to schedule your ceremony at another location for your wedding this year and get married on your first anniversary in the church. That's what my dad and step-mom did (and I believe for similar reasons, since my dad had only been divorced a few months before he and my step-mom married). I think the official annulment took longer (although I don't know much about it).

HTH... things will work out!!! BIG HUG!!!!

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That's a good back up plan, about getting married on our anniversary.

If our wedding is 12/12, when do I send out and have return date for invites be? I think the lady told me send out October 1st and return by November 1st? Is that right?

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Posted by seawedding

Nevermind, decided to FM instead

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You def aren't the bad guy. He had to file his through the diocese of Hartford (where he now lives), but they have to coordinate with Rockville Centre (where their marriage took place and she lives).

They definitely have to get submissions from three people on each side, and each ex spouse. The priest showed us the diocese and canon rules on this. Trust me, we totally researched it and it should have been done by now.

But, to your point, they did tell us that at some point, they will move forward if she is not cooperating, and grant it without her help/assistance, and it moves fast at that point. We are just wondering when it should be!

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Posted by Tracey1979

That's a good back up plan, about getting married on our anniversary.

If our wedding is 12/12, when do I send out and have return date for invites be? I think the lady told me send out October 1st and return by November 1st? Is that right?

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That timeline sounds right, especially if you don't have too many OOT guests or if you sent out save the dates. We have a ton of OOT guests and did not send STDs since we were working with a 6 month timeline.

Depending on how you're going to address the envelopes, you shouldn't need to have them in hand more than 2 weeks before you want to send them out. So you should have more time to order. Then again, I don't know where you're getting them from or how long that company takes. Hopefully it will all be speedy and beautiful, and just what you want!

Don't stress too much if you can help it! There are some things you just can't plan, but you're in a good position right now and have plenty of time still!

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Posted by springsandra

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Posted by Tracey1979

That's a good back up plan, about getting married on our anniversary.

If our wedding is 12/12, when do I send out and have return date for invites be? I think the lady told me send out October 1st and return by November 1st? Is that right?

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That timeline sounds right, especially if you don't have too many OOT guests or if you sent out save the dates. We have a ton of OOT guests and did not send STDs since we were working with a 6 month timeline.

Depending on how you're going to address the envelopes, you shouldn't need to have them in hand more than 2 weeks before you want to send them out. So you should have more time to order. Then again, I don't know where you're getting them from or how long that company takes. Hopefully it will all be speedy and beautiful, and just what you want!

Don't stress too much if you can help it! There are some things you just can't plan, but you're in a good position right now and have plenty of time still!

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We are ordering through a vendor from here called Follow Your Heart. Forget which company I picked between invites and save the dates, but one was Carlson.

I will reach out to the vendor tomorrow and find out the latest we can order.

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Posted by FutureMrsG

I am sorry you are going through this- When my brother in law went through the annulment process it took a little over a year start to finish. I do not think there is a way to expedite the process. Is it possible for your FH to call the diocese and see what is going on? I think you can wait longer to order your invites. I ordered mine on line and had them in about a week.

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He checks in with diocese at least once a month for the past few months. He is thinking of going in person next week

You have to speak to the officiant at the church. My coworker had the same issue, literally the exact issue (mental issue with ex wife and htey have a kid)

The church allowed them to get married in the church though. It depends on who you speak to.

Good luck hun, I am sure if you keep positive it will work out.

I think you might have some time. My wedding is in November (11/6) and I'm ordering my invites around that time... and your wedding is a month after mine. I think you can wait until at least Sept 1st to order your invites. Figure wedding is Dec 12 so RSVP date of Nov 12 and mail them to the guests Oct 12. So you can totally order them in Sept..... you just need to get them by the beginning of Oct.
So that at least buys you another month!

Good Luck with everything! Sorry you are going through this! Why in the world is she dragging this on and on... just let it go and move on already!!! If it were me i'd want it to be over and done with.

im so sorry u r going through this

think u have a little more time to order the invites..every place has a rush order system(unlss u r planning on custom made).. my best advice to u would be to have ur guest list ready to go so as soon as u get them u can send them out for calligraphy or whatevr u may be doing

i hope evrything works out for u and good luck

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Posted by KerriJohnS

I think you might have some time. My wedding is in November (11/6) and I'm ordering my invites around that time... and your wedding is a month after mine. I think you can wait until at least Sept 1st to order your invites. Figure wedding is Dec 12 so RSVP date of Nov 12 and mail them to the guests Oct 12. So you can totally order them in Sept..... you just need to get them by the beginning of Oct.
So that at least buys you another month!

Good Luck with everything! Sorry you are going through this! Why in the world is she dragging this on and on... just let it go and move on already!!! If it were me i'd want it to be over and done with.

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She is trying to control things, I think. Your advice re: timing is making me feel better.

Of course, I call FH to see if he checked on status today (he said last night he'd call this AM), and he still hasn't called.