Was/Is it hard for you...

conigs25 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:11 AM

Was/Is it hard for you...

to put you and DH first?

what i mean is, i still have a hard time not thinking about my parents as #1 and making it about me and DH.

Do you nkow what i mean?

superkat Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:16 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

It isn't a problem for me. I am a very independent person and I have never had that kind of relationship with my mom. I moved out when I was 18 because I was ready to be alone. Sorry I can't help.

CaseyVM214 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:18 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by conigs25

to put you and DH first?

what i mean is, i still have a hard time not thinking about my parents as #1 and making it about me and DH.

Do you know what i mean?

I can totally relate. It is a big adjustment to think of DH and myself as a family unit independent of my/our parents. I have noticed this recently and am trying to make a conscious change.

cindyandkevin Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:22 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Most of the time it's pretty easy to put DH and me first and see ourselves as a separate unit bc we've been that way for the past 2 years already.

Tho there are times, like with the holidays, that I have to remember to break away from 'my/our' family and make time for 'his/our' family.

reenielady Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:24 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

It can be diffucult it is a big adjustment. It does take time getting used to.

GsCM4EVA Posted: Nov 30, 2006 10:53 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

not really-maybe its bc he was first for a longgggg time now

Preshy7 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:18 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by superkat

It isn't a problem for me. I am a very independent person and I have never had that kind of relationship with my mom. I moved out when I was 18 because I was ready to be alone. Sorry I can't help.

me too. my dh has this 'problem' though.

kissy27 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:22 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Not really. Since we purchased our home last year, we became a family & our needs come first. My parents are very understanding & know that I need to make sure things on the homefront are clear before i think of them. On the other hand, DH's parents don't get it yet

MandG072909 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:35 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by Preshy7

Posted by superkat

It isn't a problem for me. I am a very independent person and I have never had that kind of relationship with my mom. I moved out when I was 18 because I was ready to be alone. Sorry I can't help.

me too. my dh has this 'problem' though.

Ha...thats how we are too...I've lived in a different state from my parents since I went to college so before DH and I, I only had me to worry about so it's very natural for me to put him first...

Before we moved in together he never lived on his own and he still stops by his mom's at least a few times a week and she calls on him to do everything from dealing w/ her bills to changing her lightbulbs...

This has always been a hard part of our relationship for me...over time it naturally gets better/easier/more 'right' but its a hard change...

ayadali Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:57 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by conigs25

to put you and DH first?

what i mean is, i still have a hard time not thinking about my parents as #1 and making it about me and DH.

Do you nkow what i mean?

I can totally relate. I am very close to my parents and siblings and still think of them as number 1. I haven't changed my beneficiary for any of my life insurance policies or 401k and still have my dad as my emergency contact on everything!

But my DH understands that you can't change 26 years of habit in one day. I just feel so hypocritical sometimes b/c I expect HIM to put ME first.

It's an adjustment....

ETA: It's gets easier. The first few weekends of our marriage, we were over at my parent's house all the time. Now we are slowly doing our own thing. But my family will always be important and I am not one to only see them on holidays. it's just about balance.

Kerrycec Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:59 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

sorta but luckily its gotta better

ewickens Posted: Nov 30, 2006 12:00 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Sometimes, esp, when it means choosing between families. We're learning and living as we go, but that's part of a growing relationship!

MayBride06 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 02:05 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Absolutely. I think it's becuase I grew up very independent and doing what I want without having to ask anybody. Sometimes, I forget that I have to consult my husband first.

M&S Sept12006 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 02:07 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

At times it is but now we're one so my husband and I come first and then the rest of the family, which I am very close with and love to death - dont get me wrong.

milerose Posted: Nov 30, 2006 02:21 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Yes i know what you mean. I feel exactly the same way so you are not alone.

Goldi1021 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 05:22 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by conigs25

to put you and DH first?

what i mean is, i still have a hard time not thinking about my parents as #1 and making it about me and DH.

Do you nkow what i mean?

It is not hard at all for me. I just do what I need to do and I do not feel bad about it. I have a life to live - sounds harsh but I am entitled to enjoy my life with my husband as a newlywed. Believe me, there are major family responsibilities but you only get to be a newlywed once.

msnora Posted: Nov 30, 2006 08:48 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

I know what you mean because me and my family are very close. It is hard my husband's isn't close to his family and never has been so its hard for him to understand sometimes.

I think it comes with time though something that slowly happens .... I always remember that no matter what my family loves me and understands the situation.

esb980 Posted: Nov 30, 2006 09:48 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

Posted by Goldi1021

Posted by conigs25

to put you and DH first?

what i mean is, i still have a hard time not thinking about my parents as #1 and making it about me and DH.

Do you nkow what i mean?

It is not hard at all for me. I just do what I need to do and I do not feel bad about it. I have a life to live - sounds harsh but I am entitled to enjoy my life with my husband as a newlywed. Believe me, there are major family responsibilities but you only get to be a newlywed once.

welll said

BKtoLI Posted: Nov 30, 2006 11:55 PM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

I've been with DH for almost 3 years now so we're used to putting each other first, but we are there for our families whenever they need us.

We both have been independent for 10+ years, so it wasn't that much of an adjustment for us.

july06bride Posted: Dec 01, 2006 09:58 AM

Re: Was/Is it hard for you...

we are together almost 7 years and have lived together and have had house for awhile now-this all played a part in becoming 'our own' family... we are both very close to our parents, but I have not found it difficult to put him first since I have been for awhile now...