We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Original post by Shorty McBride
We don't usually spend holidays 100% together, but now, since we're engaged, we figured its time to start. We thought we were starting small with Thanksgiving - I am NOT looking forward to Christmas splitting.
Rich ate with his family, I was at my Grandmother's, 30 minutes away.
The plan was that Rich would leave his house after they ate, come pick me up, stay for a few minutes, and we'd head back to his house for dessert.
When he got to my Grandmother's, he told me that we had to hurry back because his family was leaving shortly (they're much older than my family, we don't see them enough)...
So we left my Grandmother's and went back to his house for pumpkin pie (blech.)
Bottom line: I didn't eat dinner. My family was running late, his was running ahead of schedule, and all the running made me miss Thanksgiving.
So now I'm in my bed crying because I feel like I had the worst Thanksgiving...I was only with my family a short time, I didn't eat ANYTHING, and I feel like Rich couldn't compromise to let me stay a few minutes so I could eat something with my family.
I don't know why this is such a big deal, but I really feel like I've had my worst Thanksgiving ever.
Shorty McBride
Posted:
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
After last night, I've decided that we're going to tell our families that we need to coordinate things.
FMIL puts the turkey on the table and sits down at exactly 4:30, regardless of who's there. They eat fast (they don't talk while they eat), and they're done in 30 minutes.
Dinner is a huge deal for my family. It usually takes about 2 hours.
Soooooo after last night, I've decided that we're splitting dinner and dessert for all holidays.
My family gets the EVEN years for dinner (dessert at ILs) and his family gets the ODD years for dinner (dessert at my house).
(Except for Christmas eve. His family has heros and salad, mine does they traditional italian fish feast - soooo his family will always get dessert on Christmas eve.)
I know we're going to hate it at first - my mom is such a good cook and his...eh...- but whatever. we need to deal, i guess.
I hated not being together.
ChrissynRicky
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
It's really overwhelming b/c you're trying to see everyone, and trying to make yourselves happy.
We went to my aunt's in Long Island for 'dinner' at 2, left at 5, went to my other aunt's house on Staten Island, and then went to Ricky's parents house at 9!
We were exhausted when we got home, and felt so unfulfilled...we decided going forward, we only go to TWO houses on Thanksgiving or other Holidays, one for dinner and the other for dessert...
kris15198
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Posted by Marly
Maybe after you and FH are married you can start having some of the holidays at your home.
We've decided to try that next year. It's been hard for us also cause we have 3 houses to go to every year. You will get through it
SeptBride70
Posted:
Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Posted by ChrissynRicky
It's really overwhelming b/c you're trying to see everyone, and trying to make yourselves happy.
We went to my aunt's in Long Island for 'dinner' at 2, left at 5, went to my other aunt's house on Staten Island, and then went to Ricky's parents house at 9!
We were exhausted when we got home, and felt so unfulfilled...we decided going forward, we only go to TWO houses on Thanksgiving or other Holidays, one for dinner and the other for dessert...
Just reading it and I'm tired
SeptBride70
Posted:
Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Posted by Shorty McBride
After last night, I've decided that we're going to tell our families that we need to coordinate things.
FMIL puts the turkey on the table and sits down at exactly 4:30, regardless of who's there. They eat fast (they don't talk while they eat), and they're done in 30 minutes.
Dinner is a huge deal for my family. It usually takes about 2 hours.
Soooooo after last night, I've decided that we're splitting dinner and dessert for all holidays.
My family gets the EVEN years for dinner (dessert at ILs) and his family gets the ODD years for dinner (dessert at my house).
(Except for Christmas eve. His family has heros and salad, mine does they traditional italian fish feast - soooo his family will always get dessert on Christmas eve.)
I know we're going to hate it at first - my mom is such a good cook and his...eh...- but whatever. we need to deal, i guess.
I hated not being together.
This sounds good- and FAIR! And I think once you get used to it you guys will be happy and it's less running around and at least you are together...
weddingbunny
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
We also did the dinner/dessert thing - dinner at my house, dessert with his family.
It was fine, but I really hate the idea of going to his house for dinner and mine for dessert... I'm starting to think that the only way to really be fair about this is to just have everybody over together at one dinner!
It especially annoys me since in a month we'll be at his house for Christmas (AND for Christmas Eve!), as well as for Easter in the spring, but my family won't have anything again until Passover in the spring... so it seems to me that each family should just get two holidays a year - mine get Thanksgiving and Passover, and his gets Christmas and Easter... but no, apparently we can't do it that way.
Ug. Honestly, there are always going to be yucky parts of every happy thing, and I think that this is one of those yucky parts of getting married... the whole family-splitting thing. Sigh.
kahlua716
Posted:
Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Awww sorry you missed your thanksgiving. All the girls had some good ideas. Good luck figuring this one out!
i kinda monopolize the holidays with my family, but we always make sure to stop in to see his for a few hours.
Good luck and here's some hugs
Ser29
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Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
this year splitting is easy because we have no money to travel so its either his aunts or my grandparents... most of the time though we have those two places, plus florida his parents and upstate his sister and brother ...you want to talk about stress then... its so hard i wish we could all just be in one place ... oh well maybe when we have our own house they can all come to us
AlBaBride
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
This was a big issue with me too. Thanksgiving wasn't so bad because my parents go to my aunt's house, and his parents would have been home alone. It was obvious that we would spend Thanksgiving with FH's parents,and mine didn't argue or fuss at all...Christmas is going to be entirely different...I'm not looking forward to the conversation about where we'll be....FH and I live 45 min away from each other, which makes splitting the holiday much harder...
Glamorousbride
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Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Peter and I always had the same problem. His family is in Staten Island and mine is in Deer Park LI.
The ONLY solution is to split it up one year one year. Christmas we also alternate. Last yr christmas day we were with my fh family and mine xmas day..this year we will reverse it.
For us, even when I lived in Brooklyn, it is the only solution.
I'm so sorry your thanksgiving was so bad. I hope you figure something out so you never go through that again.
Captsarkasm
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Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
I can completely relate..... I have to split three ways because my parents are divorced....FH's parents are 'Homebodies' and always have just the four of us for dinner...(even though his extended family is H-U-G-E...they just like keeping it just them and just us...) I'm used to the holidays being 30 people all trying to talk over eachother....fighting over who's going to control the remote and making fun of the first person who shows signs that they drank too much.... it drives me nuts going to his parents house because it's like 'any other dinner'.... We always end up fighting around the holidays because he feels his family gets cheated (In actuality, they do get cheated a little bit...but we seem them probably 10x more during the year than we do my family!!
** FMIL called last week to 'shotgun that we have dinner at her house for xmas....it wasn't even thanksgiving yet!!! ***
trish71407
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
We havent mastered it either. We split up for Thanksgiving! It was fine! Next year ought to be fun trying to figure out where to go!
kris01
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Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
Thanksgiving is the one holiday where we usually spilt up. His family does Christmas Eve - traditional Italian dinner and my family doesn't do anything big so I spend Christmas Eve with FH's family & Christmas day with mine. This year we split for dinner and then FH came over for dessert. I don't know what I am doing to do when we are married. I don't know if I could ever leave my family on Thanksgiving...it is usually just me my mom and my step father. I am way to close to my mom to leave her on any holiday!! Next year when we are married should be fun deciding on this!!!
ncd623
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Member since
Re: We haven't mastered splitting the holidays fairly.
We alternate every holiday each year. If we do Thanksgiving with my family this year then its his family next year. And everyone knows so nobody is upset.
