WE MADE UP!!!

Quarters in a jar as incentive not to say hurtful things?? I would like to think that my fiances reactions to something I said that hurt her would be punishment enough that I wouldn't need to go and throw a quarter into a jar for saying it.

JMO

I hope I dont get flamed for this..but its JMO

I think people say some things when they are angry that they dont mean, but I think some things that are said in anger are things that they really feel. Nobody says 'I will divorce you after a month' out of pure anger and doesnt really feel that inside, even if its only a little bit. Even if it was out of pure anger and he really didnt mean it, why would you want to put up with this verbal abuse? I would seriously be reconsidering marrying anyone who told me that they were going to divorce me after the wedding was over with or wouldnt marry me if I continued to smoke. Ex-FH used to tell me that he wouldnt marry me if I continued to smoke, ect, and when we broke up I told him that if he wanted to marry me he should do it whether or not I smoked because you accept the person for who they are. It wasnt until after we broke up that he said he would have married me anyway. No, I didnt break up my engagement over smoking, but I promise you, he will say what you want to hear now, but it WILL be a problem later. You and your daughter dont deserve to be put through this. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

I've been reading your posts and I have to offer my opinion too and I hope you don't get upset.....My ex-husband was a verbal abuser and he would get angry and say things that were absolutely awful, he did it before we got married, but he ALWAYS apologized and offered the excuse that 'IT WAS OUT OF ANGER', he also did it a lot in front of my son who was only a year old at the time. I finally hit my breaking point one day when after a disagreement he got upset and starting screaming at me and calling me names and said that he should've never married me, my son started hysterically crying - I told him to move out! I realized that my son was more important than my being stubborn, Your daughter shouldn't never see that it is OK for a man to talk to you that way, she won't learn respect that way either, and you certainly don't deserve it. If someone loves you they couldn't think awful things let alone say them out loud to you. I always told myself that he loved me, maybe he did in a twisted way, but everyone deserves to be in a HEALTHY relationship. If I hadn't left him, I wouldn't be marrying the man of my dreams that I am now, but being in that situation makes me appreciate this relationship soooo much more. I know it's not easy, but you only live once and you should make it the best you can. I wish you luck and I hope you make the right decision.

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Posted by JENNCHRIS

I've been reading your posts and I have to offer my opinion too and I hope you don't get upset.....My ex-husband was a verbal abuser and he would get angry and say things that were absolutely awful, he did it before we got married, but he ALWAYS apologized and offered the excuse that 'IT WAS OUT OF ANGER', he also did it a lot in front of my son who was only a year old at the time. I finally hit my breaking point one day when after a disagreement he got upset and starting screaming at me and calling me names and said that he should've never married me, my son started hysterically crying - I told him to move out! I realized that my son was more important than my being stubborn, Your daughter shouldn't never see that it is OK for a man to talk to you that way, she won't learn respect that way either, and you certainly don't deserve it. If someone loves you they couldn't think awful things let alone say them out loud to you. I always told myself that he loved me, maybe he did in a twisted way, but everyone deserves to be in a HEALTHY relationship. If I hadn't left him, I wouldn't be marrying the man of my dreams that I am now, but being in that situation makes me appreciate this relationship soooo much more. I know it's not easy, but you only live once and you should make it the best you can. I wish you luck and I hope you make the right decision.

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CAN THE CHURCH SAY AMEN

Putting money in a jar is not going to help if these are deep rooted problems, maybe he needs to seek anger management. I also agree that children live what they learn and if your daughter sees you accepting being treated badly she will also grow up to accept it from men. I wish you all the best. First words what's next. PS this is JMHO. You have to live with him so you should know what you are dealing with.

AMEN AMEN AMEN
I agree with Mrs. Shamma. JMO how about if u put the wedding on hold. I agree that people say EXACTLY what they mean when they are angry. Also a quarter isn't going to cut it even if he is a cheapskate. Think of your daughter first then yourself. I have a daughter and her father used to make these comments to me about diff sexual things and I didn't agree, the one that put the nail in his coffin was ' How else was I going to keep a man?' All I could think about was that I didn't want my daughter to think that that was acceptable. And now I am marrying a gentleman. I will all work out in the end, do what is best for you.

As a psychologist in training, we learn that marriages can never be on a contingent basis. For example, you should not say, 'I'll divorce you if you don't lose weight.' While smoking is terrible for your health, ultimatums are not acceptable.

Research demonstrates that 80-90% of all problems in a relationship are unresolvable because they stem from the person's temperment/personality. I also read once, 'that when we pick a spouse, we pick a set of problems.'

Just be sure that you can live with the problems you have picked because in all probably he won't change and the problem won't be solved (maybe slightly better).