Wedding Bills Blues...

It's a sore subject with my FH and I. My parents are footing the majority of the bills for the wedding. I've offered to pay for photographer, linens and limo.
My parents are paying for the RH, Florist, Invitations, the band etc. Which is SO generous of them. I'm very thankful.

FH's mother offered to pay for Rehearsal Dinner. Fh's father doesnt' have alot of $$
yet, their guest list keeps booming ie: cousins they haven't seen in years etc. It's really stressing me out and everytime I question something like 'who is that?' FH snaps at me and says 'you're inviting alot of cousins too!!!'

Mind you, my cousins and I are SO close. We see them all the time. In the 3 years that I've dated FH, I've never met any of his extended family because he does not keep in touch with them. Literally, I've only met one cousin. Also, we've invited a ton of FH's stepfather's family....(whom I've never met)

My question is: should I ask FH if his mother can contribute any $$ to the reception? Or should I just not say anything?

Help please!!

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Posted by skinny237

That's a really tough one. Would FH be able to bring it up to her----maybenot about her contributing, but about the # of guests she's inviting?

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I guess he could but he backs her up on the guest list.....Like 'oh, that's a really important person in our family.'

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Posted by Songstress

What the hell. It really pisses me off when people talk about In laws doing this. They refuse to help yet they want to invite the world. Your FH needs to understand where youre coming from. My father is unable to help with the wedding at all so unfortunately, my fathers side of the family has to sacrifice. And they should understand that. Your FH may think he has a point when he says youre inviting your cousins but your parents are also footing the bills. Sorry youre dealing with this stress. I got stressed out just reading it.

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Thanks girl. I'm sitting here stressed out. I wrote FH a nice email to see if we could talk about it and he hasnt' written back... I'm leaving for a work trip tomorrow to Atlanta and it's just really bothering me..

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Songstress

What the hell. It really pisses me off when people talk about In laws doing this. They refuse to help yet they want to invite the world. Your FH needs to understand where youre coming from. My father is unable to help with the wedding at all so unfortunately, my fathers side of the family has to sacrifice. And they should understand that. Your FH may think he has a point when he says youre inviting your cousins but your parents are also footing the bills. Sorry youre dealing with this stress. I got stressed out just reading it.

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Thanks girl. I'm sitting here stressed out. I wrote FH a nice email to see if we could talk about it and he hasnt' written back... I'm leaving for a work trip tomorrow to Atlanta and it's just really bothering me..

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No problem. I really hope it gets better. I know how stressful that must be. Its just not fair in my eyes.

we KINDA had the same problem...

FH's mom has destroyed the relationships with her side of the family....so since she KNEW they'd say no - she wanted to invite a group of her friends.

My parents are inviting their friends - so she wanted to do the same. When we told her - if we run into trouble and can't pay for everyone, my parents are willing to PAY for their friends, his mom said, 'oh, no, that won't happen, just put us down & no one else.'....

The way we ultimately did it - if anyone wanted to invite family, they had to be blood...and if i never met them (dave & i have been together 5.5 years) - then they don't count. We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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Posted by davenjess

we KINDA had the same problem...

FH's mom has destroyed the relationships with her side of the family....so since she KNEW they'd say no - she wanted to invite a group of her friends.

My parents are inviting their friends - so she wanted to do the same. When we told her - if we run into trouble and can't pay for everyone, my parents are willing to PAY for their friends, his mom said, 'oh, no, that won't happen, just put us down & no one else.'....

The way we ultimately did it - if anyone wanted to invite family, they had to be blood...and if i never met them (dave & i have been together 5.5 years) - then they don't count. We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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I come from a huge family and when my sister in law got married to my brother, my sister in law's parents told my parents 'we can only afford 75 people.' My parents were like 'totally cool and we'll pay for anything over that #.' I think it's only fair. I wish I had given my FH's family a number before this whole thing started.

You did a good job at making a point across. Now I feel like it's too late....

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Posted by davenjess

We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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AMENNNNNNN TO THATTTT!!!!! I say that everyday. Just yesterday I said to FH, ' I AM NOT SAYING THE WORDS, 'Nice to meet you' at MY OWN WEDDING! Weve been together 7 years, if I havent met you in those 7 years youre not too important.

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by davenjess

We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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AMENNNNNNN TO THATTTT!!!!! I say that everyday. Just yesterday I said to FH, ' I AM NOT SAYING THE WORDS, 'Nice to meet you' at MY OWN WEDDING! Weve been together 7 years, if I havent met you in those 7 years youre not too important.

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Right! I am going to be saying that to 85% of FH's invited guests...'Hiiii, nice to meet you'

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by davenjess

we KINDA had the same problem...

FH's mom has destroyed the relationships with her side of the family....so since she KNEW they'd say no - she wanted to invite a group of her friends.

My parents are inviting their friends - so she wanted to do the same. When we told her - if we run into trouble and can't pay for everyone, my parents are willing to PAY for their friends, his mom said, 'oh, no, that won't happen, just put us down & no one else.'....

The way we ultimately did it - if anyone wanted to invite family, they had to be blood...and if i never met them (dave & i have been together 5.5 years) - then they don't count. We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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I come from a huge family and when my sister in law got married to my brother, my sister in law's parents told my parents 'we can only afford 75 people.' My parents were like 'totally cool and we'll pay for anything over that #.' I think it's only fair. I wish I had given my FH's family a number before this whole thing started.

You did a good job at making a point across. Now I feel like it's too late....

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Your parents sound like caring and courteous people. Thats what FH's parents should be doing. How are your parents dealing with it? Are they stressed too?

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by davenjess

we KINDA had the same problem...

FH's mom has destroyed the relationships with her side of the family....so since she KNEW they'd say no - she wanted to invite a group of her friends.

My parents are inviting their friends - so she wanted to do the same. When we told her - if we run into trouble and can't pay for everyone, my parents are willing to PAY for their friends, his mom said, 'oh, no, that won't happen, just put us down & no one else.'....

The way we ultimately did it - if anyone wanted to invite family, they had to be blood...and if i never met them (dave & i have been together 5.5 years) - then they don't count. We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

---

I come from a huge family and when my sister in law got married to my brother, my sister in law's parents told my parents 'we can only afford 75 people.' My parents were like 'totally cool and we'll pay for anything over that #.' I think it's only fair. I wish I had given my FH's family a number before this whole thing started.

You did a good job at making a point across. Now I feel like it's too late....

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Your parents sound like caring and courteous people. Thats what FH's parents should be doing. How are your parents dealing with it? Are they stressed too?

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Yes, but they are super proud. They are like 'don't bring it up to them unless they offer. We only want them to contribute if it comes from the heart. Not if it comes forced to them....' My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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Posted by davenjess

We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding.

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WOW! That alone would infuriate me. Your mom is sacrificing so much and they cant compromise. Ugh. Its so selfish of them. Does your FH know this?

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Posted by skinny237

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Posted by davenjess

We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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Can you picture that?

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Posted by B2B1801

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Posted by skinny237

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Posted by davenjess

We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

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Can you picture that?

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Picturing that pisses me OFF!!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by davenjess

we KINDA had the same problem...

FH's mom has destroyed the relationships with her side of the family....so since she KNEW they'd say no - she wanted to invite a group of her friends.

My parents are inviting their friends - so she wanted to do the same. When we told her - if we run into trouble and can't pay for everyone, my parents are willing to PAY for their friends, his mom said, 'oh, no, that won't happen, just put us down & no one else.'....

The way we ultimately did it - if anyone wanted to invite family, they had to be blood...and if i never met them (dave & i have been together 5.5 years) - then they don't count. We REFUSE to be introducing ourselves to people at our own wedding...

---

I come from a huge family and when my sister in law got married to my brother, my sister in law's parents told my parents 'we can only afford 75 people.' My parents were like 'totally cool and we'll pay for anything over that #.' I think it's only fair. I wish I had given my FH's family a number before this whole thing started.

You did a good job at making a point across. Now I feel like it's too late....

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Personally, I don't feel like it's too late for you...but it's all in what your gut & FH have to say...

You can sit down him & then his family and explain that you have done the math six ways to sunday and you cannot afford their portion of the guest list to be what it is...

Your parents sound like AMAZING people - that your mom gave up most of her pension brings a tear to my eye - it's incredible...

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding.

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WOW! That alone would infuriate me. Your mom is sacrificing so much and they cant compromise. Ugh. Its so selfish of them. Does your FH know this?

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FH called me. We're going to talk about it tonight.... sigh...

Thanks for all your support girls. I appreciate it.

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?