Wedding Bills Blues...

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?

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Posted by davenjess

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?

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Yes - it makes sense, but not once you tell his family that YOUR family is willing to pay for any extras that you are struggling with... Just explain that you want it to be 'fair' and you don't want to feel any bitterness towards his family...that's not a way to start a relationship...

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Posted by davenjess

i hope it helps in some way....



fm if you need anything!!!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?

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TELL your fh to say something to FIL's, maybe not come out and say it but that with how much the guest list is growing its starting to go past your budget and see if they'll offer

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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Posted by Future Mulligan

since we are paying for everything we told our parents to both make a list (which they have yet to do)

after we see how many people we can invite we will make cuts.....if either my family or FH's family wants to keep or add people then they can pay the extra $ per plate for them.....

maybe you can do something similair.....it seems like you already got a guest list from them though.....but if you said to FIL's that they can only invite say 75 people.....and if they go over and insist on having more guests than they can agree to pay for them.....

that is how we are handling it

good luck!

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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my dad did that in '99 when two of my sisters got married in the same year - he took out of his 401k and then ended up paying all these taxes the next year... and my dad was 64 then, draining his retirement money. I swore to myself that he would not be doing ANYTHING like that for my wedding - I'd rather elope. Me and fh are financially able to pay for it ourselves though so we are lucky and it's a non-issue, but i definitely don't think it's fair that they are inviting all those people and expecting your mom to pay for it. Definitely puts it in perspective; i'm sure once you discuss it with him he'll see that it's not right.

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Future Mulligan

since we are paying for everything we told our parents to both make a list (which they have yet to do)

after we see how many people we can invite we will make cuts.....if either my family or FH's family wants to keep or add people then they can pay the extra $ per plate for them.....

maybe you can do something similair.....it seems like you already got a guest list from them though.....but if you said to FIL's that they can only invite say 75 people.....and if they go over and insist on having more guests than they can agree to pay for them.....

that is how we are handling it

good luck!

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I wish I had thought of that in the beginning!!! I think that's the best way to handle it.

Thanks for wishing me good luck!!!

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by Espo22

maybe just talk to them about the fact that you cant go past your limit at the RH and if you can fit more ppl you'll let her know.

Wedding planning can be frustrating...i calculated exactly how much I PERSONALLY have to save, and i stuck to it...i sacrificed, i was conscious of every dollar i spent, i made sure not to go below a certain amount in the bank and kept to it. For the first year i paid most of the wedding myself...theres very few things others OFFERED!!!! to pay for and then time came and nobody did, so what happened was i had to take out of my own money now to cover that which put me behind and its driving me crazy to be a little behind...i even was able to finally splurge a little on myself knowing that some things were being finally taken care of, if i would've known then i wouldn't have done that and i would still be able to cover them and not be backed up

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I'm right there with you Denise!!! I've been saving and bringing in lunch, haven't splurged on anything for myself. FH's parents feel that if my parents invited 100, they should be allowed to invite 100 does that make sense?

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TELL your fh to say something to FIL's, maybe not come out and say it but that with how much the guest list is growing its starting to go past your budget and see if they'll offer

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I just got off the phone with him and we're going to discuss it tonight. I brought up the 'i feel like it's weird that I'm introducing myself to people at our own wedding.' And he agreed 'yes, that is weird.'
PS Denise, I think it's awesome how you've saved for your wedding.... Kudos to you....

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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my dad did that in '99 when two of my sisters got married in the same year - he took out of his 401k and then ended up paying all these taxes the next year... and my dad was 64 then, draining his retirement money. I swore to myself that he would not be doing ANYTHING like that for my wedding - I'd rather elope. Me and fh are financially able to pay for it ourselves though so we are lucky and it's a non-issue, but i definitely don't think it's fair that they are inviting all those people and expecting your mom to pay for it. Definitely puts it in perspective; i'm sure once you discuss it with him he'll see that it's not right.

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Your father sounds like a saint. Honestly, I wish I could elope OR having a really great dinner in the city with the closest friends and family. However, I'm the only daughter in a huge filipino family. My mom just told me this weekend about her pension etc and I was

She is a saint and your Dad sounds like one too!!!

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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my dad did that in '99 when two of my sisters got married in the same year - he took out of his 401k and then ended up paying all these taxes the next year... and my dad was 64 then, draining his retirement money. I swore to myself that he would not be doing ANYTHING like that for my wedding - I'd rather elope. Me and fh are financially able to pay for it ourselves though so we are lucky and it's a non-issue, but i definitely don't think it's fair that they are inviting all those people and expecting your mom to pay for it. Definitely puts it in perspective; i'm sure once you discuss it with him he'll see that it's not right.

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Your father sounds like a saint. Honestly, I wish I could elope OR having a really great dinner in the city with the closest friends and family. However, I'm the only daughter in a huge filipino family. My mom just told me this weekend about her pension etc and I was

She is a saint and your Dad sounds like one too!!!

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totally - and my parents didn't even pay for the actual wedding, they bought furniture, paid for showers and e-parties and honeymoons etc.

a woman i work with took out of her profit sharing for her daughters wedding last year. she is in her 50s. I told her she shouldn't b/c it's just longer than she has to work (JMO - I'm very opinionated b/c of what my dad did ) and she just smiled at me and said nothing made her happier than being able to give her daughter a beautiful wedding where all the family could be together.

so, even though you might be upset that your mom is doing that I'm sure it's something she really wants to do and the good thing about a 401k/pension type loan (assuming it's like that) is that they pay themselves back. so don't worry, i think it makes her happy to do this for you but put it that way to your fh and he'll come around with inviting all the extra family you don't see.

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

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Posted by snwb08

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Posted by NapaValleyGirl

My parents are soo good, my mom, unbeknownst to me, has taken most of the money from her pension and her savings to pay for this wedding. When I hear of these things, I feel like crying. We're having the wedding at a place that's not overly extravagant it's less than most of the places we saw in Nassau County. I am far from having a 'platinum wedding.'

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my dad did that in '99 when two of my sisters got married in the same year - he took out of his 401k and then ended up paying all these taxes the next year... and my dad was 64 then, draining his retirement money. I swore to myself that he would not be doing ANYTHING like that for my wedding - I'd rather elope. Me and fh are financially able to pay for it ourselves though so we are lucky and it's a non-issue, but i definitely don't think it's fair that they are inviting all those people and expecting your mom to pay for it. Definitely puts it in perspective; i'm sure once you discuss it with him he'll see that it's not right.

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Your father sounds like a saint. Honestly, I wish I could elope OR having a really great dinner in the city with the closest friends and family. However, I'm the only daughter in a huge filipino family. My mom just told me this weekend about her pension etc and I was

She is a saint and your Dad sounds like one too!!!

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totally - and my parents didn't even pay for the actual wedding, they bought furniture, paid for showers and e-parties and honeymoons etc.

a woman i work with took out of her profit sharing for her daughters wedding last year. she is in her 50s. I told her she shouldn't b/c it's just longer than she has to work (JMO - I'm very opinionated b/c of what my dad did ) and she just smiled at me and said nothing made her happier than being able to give her daughter a beautiful wedding where all the family could be together.

so, even though you might be upset that your mom is doing that I'm sure it's something she really wants to do and the good thing about a 401k/pension type loan (assuming it's like that) is that they pay themselves back. so don't worry, i think it makes her happy to do this for you but put it that way to your fh and he'll come around with inviting all the extra family you don't see.

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I love that explanation because that's exactly how my mother feels. She just is so excited to have her family together (her sisters are coming from overseas and cousins are traveling from all over the country) to share in the occassion.

Thank you.

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Posted by skinny237

That's a really tough one. Would FH be able to bring it up to her----maybenot about her contributing, but about the # of guests she's inviting?

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Posted by MeaganAndJoeC

I was in a similar situcation and all we did was tell the person how many people they were allowed to invite an dthem them decide who to cut.. My fh also threw in durring this convo ' if i dont know them and you arent paying for my wedding don't invite them.' good luck you wil feel better once you take care of it.. it hasn't been mentioned since

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