Awww so sorry to hear that. Maybe she is just afraid of losing her control on your life. Are you the baby?
yea I'm the baby, but she acts the same way with my sister.
She is afraid of losing control though. That is one thing that she has ALWAYS had. She is the matriarch of the family. Both her parents and my father's parents died before I was born. When her mother died she basically took control over her younger sister and brother and that control is something which has spread throughout the rest of the entire family with the greatest grip of control around me, my sister and my father.
If she doesn't get her way, watch out.
Yea it sounds like a control issue. Try not to let it get to you or at least try not to show her that it bothers you if thats what the issue is. Maybe if you manipulate the situation a little bit she will stop. Reverse Psychology usually works like a charm.
I really have come a long way and have developed a pretty tough skin. Most of the things she says I just let roll and don't pay attention to. It's just getting over her uninterest in the wedding that I have yet to conquer
I know and you will. She probably is interested but feels like is is not in control because its your wedding and you are making the decisions.
megzzie
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
Posted by Espo22
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by chrispar
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by chrispar
Awww so sorry to hear that. Maybe she is just afraid of losing her control on your life. Are you the baby?
yea I'm the baby, but she acts the same way with my sister.
She is afraid of losing control though. That is one thing that she has ALWAYS had. She is the matriarch of the family. Both her parents and my father's parents died before I was born. When her mother died she basically took control over her younger sister and brother and that control is something which has spread throughout the rest of the entire family with the greatest grip of control around me, my sister and my father.
If she doesn't get her way, watch out.
Yea it sounds like a control issue. Try not to let it get to you or at least try not to show her that it bothers you if thats what the issue is. Maybe if you manipulate the situation a little bit she will stop. Reverse Psychology usually works like a charm.
I really have come a long way and have developed a pretty tough skin. Most of the things she says I just let roll and don't pay attention to. It's just getting over her uninterest in the wedding that I have yet to conquer
What if you dont talk about the wedding with her at all, never bring it up around her or anything...see alot of tough people put on an act but deep down inside they do care...I think once you leave her out of it she will care and feel hurt. SOme people just like having a negative answer about everything and have a hard time expressing themselves, do something to try and bring that out. Who knows it might work
That's a good idea and very true
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by Espo22
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by megzzie
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by Espo22
Posted by irishsweetheart
i've had more heart to hearts then I can count on my fingers and toes in the past 24 years of my life with this woman.
It's just the way she is and it s u c k s.
how is your dad about all this? maybe if he talks to her she might understand, maybe?
lol my dad doesn't have a bone in his body to fight her. nothing against him - I love him to death - but she has so much control over him, anytime he says something to stick up for me or my sister she makes his life miserable.
Is there anyone else that she's close to that could possibly talk to her? Does she have a sister or brother that she's close with and someone that you can confide in?
She has a sister and a brother and they both know what is going on. Her sister (my aunt) lives upstairs. She hears the things that are said and I've confided in her a lot over the years but even she knows and has told me 'Lori don't let it get to you. That's just the way she is and you can't let it get to you all the time'
see my dad is like that, it always has to be his way. Im trying to think how i handle him but honestly we just end up yelling at eachother so dont think that is too helpful.
lol I'm laughing because that's how things end up with my mother. She'll say something and then I'll answer and then she'll disagree and then we'll just start yelling. Least I'm not entirely alone. lol
oh trust me i know, my dad and i get into HUGE screaming matches. He doesn't listen seriously does not, ill say something and he'll continue just saying his point and continue to go on and on about what he has to say, then i have to yell just so he can hear what i am trying to say lol
cherish83
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
I know how you feel.. My mom is sooo difficult about the wedding. I dont feel like I can talk to her about any of it because she rolls her eyes and says I have plenty of time. When she went away on vacation she wanted a book to read, so i bought her a book and i also bought her a mother of the bride book (i thought it was a cute idea) and she questioned why she needed it.
The only thing she did do was bring me back earring to wear on my wedding. The reason she did though, she says, is because i say she doesnt care about the wedding..
Today we got into a fight, because i told her she repeats the same things over again when she complains about people. her response was that i repeat myself too.. i questioned about what, and she said the wedding.. which is bull because i havent mentioned the wedding to her in weeks because i dont feel like i can talk to her about it at all, which is pretty sad. I would think our moms would be all into the wedding with us... at least we have eachother.. so i feel ya girlie and here's a
irishsweetheart
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
Posted by Espo22
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by chrispar
Posted by irishsweetheart
Posted by chrispar
Awww so sorry to hear that. Maybe she is just afraid of losing her control on your life. Are you the baby?
yea I'm the baby, but she acts the same way with my sister.
She is afraid of losing control though. That is one thing that she has ALWAYS had. She is the matriarch of the family. Both her parents and my father's parents died before I was born. When her mother died she basically took control over her younger sister and brother and that control is something which has spread throughout the rest of the entire family with the greatest grip of control around me, my sister and my father.
If she doesn't get her way, watch out.
Yea it sounds like a control issue. Try not to let it get to you or at least try not to show her that it bothers you if thats what the issue is. Maybe if you manipulate the situation a little bit she will stop. Reverse Psychology usually works like a charm.
I really have come a long way and have developed a pretty tough skin. Most of the things she says I just let roll and don't pay attention to. It's just getting over her uninterest in the wedding that I have yet to conquer
What if you dont talk about the wedding with her at all, never bring it up around her or anything...see alot of tough people put on an act but deep down inside they do care...I think once you leave her out of it she will care and feel hurt. SOme people just like having a negative answer about everything and have a hard time expressing themselves, do something to try and bring that out. Who knows it might work
I've tried that, and it has worked a few times, just when she realizes what's going on and then wants to be involved I need to tip toe around her, as to not aggravate the situation again. It's like a freakin time bomb I swear.
But you are right that is actually one of the strategies that I've tried that has worked - not an easy one might I add as I honestly am wedding crazy when I'm not at home
irishsweetheart
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
Posted by cherish83
I know how you feel.. My mom is sooo difficult about the wedding. I dont feel like I can talk to her about any of it because she rolls her eyes and says I have plenty of time. When she went away on vacation she wanted a book to read, so i bought her a book and i also bought her a mother of the bride book (i thought it was a cute idea) and she questioned why she needed it.
The only thing she did do was bring me back earring to wear on my wedding. The reason she did though, she says, is because i say she doesnt care about the wedding..
Today we got into a fight, because i told her she repeats the same things over again when she complains about people. her response was that i repeat myself too.. i questioned about what, and she said the wedding.. which is bull because i havent mentioned the wedding to her in weeks because i dont feel like i can talk to her about it at all, which is pretty sad. I would think our moms would be all into the wedding with us... at least we have eachother.. so i feel ya girlie and here's a
you made me cry! but it's a good cry! You are 100% right, at least we have each other!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
Posted by irishsweetheart
What if you dont talk about the wedding with her at all, never bring it up around her or anything...see alot of tough people put on an act but deep down inside they do care...I think once you leave her out of it she will care and feel hurt. SOme people just like having a negative answer about everything and have a hard time expressing themselves, do something to try and bring that out. Who knows it might work
I've tried that, and it has worked a few times, just when she realizes what's going on and then wants to be involved I need to tip toe around her, as to not aggravate the situation again. It's like a freakin time bomb I swear.
But you are right that is actually one of the strategies that I've tried that has worked - not an easy one might I add as I honestly am wedding crazy when I'm not at home
yeah thats hard but maybe when she starts showing interest and hopefully nothing happens to aggrevate her, after time it will become the norm and you two will fall into that routine...it might help and make your relationship stronger in the end.
Its funny bc my dad and i always fought but we've been getting along better than ever bc of the wedding...we did have our screaming matches but then i involved him in stuff and it changed.
MAYBE just finally let it out and say MOM you need to realize i am getting married and gonna leave the house in the near future, i dont want to leave with these memories, im asking you to please just be my mom and share this with me.
there has to be something that will effect her
Mrs. V 2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: wedding blues...
I'm really sorry! you need to definately talk to her
