Wedding Blues Please advice...**UPDATE**

Originally I was planning my wedding on a very tight budget, I was going to do like Ariana Waterfalls or something. Mine and fh's family didn't like the idea and they made it seem like they would help us.

they kept telling us to go for the big vendors and so on....now no one is helping us at all..they have the attitude 'if they're mature enough 2 get married, they can pay for it too'

I am so in debt over this wedding.......I am still in school, and FH took a huge pay decrease when he went into local 3...he had 8 years experience and had to say he only had 1......so we're drowing and still people want to have a big head on our shoulders!

I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown...how can I be happy about my wedding if it is putting me in debt, my credit cards are all maxed out and I can't even pay them off.

What do I do girls?

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OK SO HERE'S HOW MY NIGHT WENT: I TALKED TO FH ABOUT IT, AND IT ESCALADED INTO A HUGE ARGUMENT.

I SPOKE TO MY MOTHER AND SHE SAID 'IF I WOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE THIS ATTITUDE AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF S**T, THEN I WOULDN'T HAVE PAID FOR COLLEGE FOR YOU, AND I WOULD HAVE PAID FOR YOUR WEDDING AND I WOULD COME OUT LOOKING GOOD INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE TRASH'

NO MATTER HOW WRONG SHE IS, ALL OF YOU CAN IMAGINE YOUR MOTHER SAYING THAT AND HOW BAD IT WOULD MAKE YOU FEEL...SO I'M BUMMED OUT.

I UNDERSTAND SHE DID EVERYTHING SHE COULD AND SHE CAN'T AFFORD ANYMORE, BUT SHE HAS TO UNDERSTAND THAT I SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD IT AND DON'T WANT TO PAY OFF A LOAN - THAT'S NOT HOW I WANT TO START OUT MY MARRIAGE

NOW I'M EVEN MORE DEPRESSED.......EVERYONE IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I'M CRAZY MEANWHILE I SEE THINGS SO CLEARLY RIGHT NOW.

We all definitely feel that way from time to time.
It makes me kind of at your families to push you to go for expensive stuff and then not help!!
Maybe for the things left to decide you can plan them on a tighter budget and if anyone complains, tell them that since they are not paying for it they really don't have any right to comment.

It will all work out, it really will.

You may not like this advice, but I don't think anyone should have a wedding they can't afford. Don't let your families push you into a big wedding when they're not even contributing!

I think you should roll it way back, or even cancel it if this isn't just a momentary 'OMG, I can't afford this wedding!!' If it's really going to put you in debt and ruin your credit, you should scale it back. From what I understand, you can cancel your RH more than six months in advance and get back all but $500. Yes, that's a lot of money, but it's less than the thousands it will cost in the end. And talk to any other vendors you've booked. They might be more reasonable than you think. None of them want to have to chase after a client who can't pay. They'd probably appreciate the honesty in admitting you need to scale down your booking to whatever you can actually afford, or even to be able to rebook the date.

Hey, you can always elope! My parents did.

Good luck.

Hi date twin.....sorry to hear that your fam is not being supportive....
What my FH & I have learned from planning our wedding is do what makes you and FH happy! If you don't want a big vendor or spend alot on flowers for example then don't. This is your day and noone elses.

I know that in the end it will all work out-- we are both working so hard......We can't push the wedding back because my fmil is very sick..even november may be pushing it but only God knows that.

What's done is done with the vendors I booked, but from this point on I will not add another thing to this wedding. I am not having centerpieces..this is driving my mother nuts, but if she wants them, she can buy them lol.


My hair/makeup/nails~~ I am going to put $10 to the side a week out of my 'week' money.

my invitations and flowers------deff going to be cheap!

I don't have any great advice, but hang in there, you'll work it out!

Do not let anyone force you into having a wedding that you cannot afford. It is not fair to you and your FH to clearly state your financial situation and have everyone make you feel guilty into booking bigger, expensive vendors.

Take a step back from your situation and see where you can scale down and go from there. I'm sure you'll be able to get your money back since there is still plenty of time. If the family has something to say about it, remind them that you and your FH are paying for it all and that you are on a tight budget. If they have a preference for something, then they should help you guys out.

I do understand about getting married bc your fmil is sick. This may sound crazy but maybe you can take out a loan. Do you belong to a credit union? If FH is in local 3 then he does. My FH is in local 3 also. This way you have money, less stress, and you can also pay off most of the loan with wedding money.

The number one way to cut back on wedding costs is to cut the guest list down. See if you can give anybody the ax before you start to panic. Your wedding is still 9 months away, so you do have some breathing room.

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Posted by Snickers76

The number one way to cut back on wedding costs is to cut the guest list down. See if you can give anybody the ax before you start to panic. Your wedding is still 9 months away, so you do have some breathing room.

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A very good point. The reception is usually where all the $$$ goes..so try and cut people down.(if you can)..I am really sorry that you are dealing with this. I am sorta in the same boat with FH's family. They've become very tight with money, and have agreed to pay about $3000 towards the wedding when we first started planning..but now I dont know if its going to follow through. Good luck..and relax a little bit..I know it can be a major pain in the butt

hopefully you will make your money back and ++ at the wedding.

shame on your families

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Posted by Snickers76

The number one way to cut back on wedding costs is to cut the guest list down. See if you can give anybody the ax before you start to panic. Your wedding is still 9 months away, so you do have some breathing room.

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thats a great idea. by scaling down the guest list, u scale down the number favors, the number of invites and of course the cost of the RH.

I feel so bad for you because it seems like the $$$ aspect is going to ruin your entire wedding. It's really not fair so I just wanted to say that there was some great advice above.

Cut the number of guests your respective families can invite- unless they contribute more for the reception. END OF STORY!

Take the loan from Local 3's credit union like JIFFY said - pay down your cards to about 40% (at least) of whatever you have on your cards now and pay for the rest of the wedding with the loan or in cash only.

I hope your families realize the expense and help out as much as possible so that you can enjoy this process!

my advice for saving money would be to cut back the guest list, forgo favors (or do donations as you can donate within your budget), and avoid anything unnecessary.

also, if you're mom's having so much trouble over there not being centerpieces, you can also have the bm's bouquets double as centerpieces (place them in a vase on the table at the beginning of the ceremony) but that also depends on the # of tables/bms. other things can also double as centerpieces (dessert, etc.).

Hey Date Twin!

I'm so sorry to hear the situation you are in. Your families really weren't fair to you & FH.

I agree with the above ladies, I think they had some excellent suggestions for you.

Doesn't CLM have more than 1 room? If you aren't already in the smaller room, maybe they can move you if it isn't already booked ... so you'll have a lower minimum # of ppl. And definitely CUT that guest list down.

At this point, I tried my best to satisfy everyone but now I'm done. I don't care if my mother feels bad because she's made me feel bad enough.

If I am paying for my wedding, why should I not address myself as such?

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Posted by Glamorousbride

I AM IN THE SMALLER ROOM, I GUARANTEED 100 PEOPLE, I'LL END UP WITH ABOUT 125 AND THAT'S IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND FRIENDS. CAN'T CUT ANYONE ELSE OFF.

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Hmmmm .... ok, here's another suggestion ...

Maybe you can call the vendors you are already booked with and explain the situation .... maybe they have a smaller package you can go with, so you wouldn't loose your deposit by cancelling?

If I can find a full time job for the summer, I think we'll be okay. What is making this so hard is the fact I am still in school. I just couldn't stand the thought of waiting another year. We don't live together, have not slept together, and it's so hard. I want to be his wife, the wedding isn't as important to me as the marriage. Sorry if it's too much info lol.

Thanks girls for letting me vent I know I probably sound like a lunatic tonight- like you guys i am so overwhelmed.

getting a job in the summer is a good idea..also do alot of DIY projects....you could prob. save alot of $$ doing your own invites,programs etc.

You said it best that what is most important to you is the marriage not the wedding......Do what makes you and FH happy!!!!