Wedding day Father problem (kinda long-sorry)

ok, so I have a bunch of questions about this, but here is the background.

I live with my mom and dad. They live together, but hate each other. He does a lot of stupid stuff that I won't get into here. But I know what he does because i hear them fighting through the house and my mom tells me some other things. Most of the time, it is because he was drinking too much. And honestly, he has pretty much sucked as a father through my whole life.

We have sat down and talked about it, and he refuses to admit that there has ever been a problem or that our relationship is barely existing.

Now that I pretty much hate him and he is doing nothing to address my feelings or change, I don't want to go through the motions at the wedding with him. I don't want him walking me down the isle, father daughter dance or anything like that. But I don't want my mom to be left out. And I want to do a dance with her, and FH wants to dance with his mom. But I just don't know how to go about any of this, or if it is even possible.

I don't even know what i'm really asking, but i know if anyone is going to help me out with theis, its you guys

First off, Im very sorry you have to go through this..
My friend doesn't have a father figure in her life and she is having a very close male family member (her uncle) walk her down the eisle. What if you did something similiar, pick someone in the family your very close to..or definately your mother..I don't see anything wrong with that..

The problem is that my dad still thinks there is no problem with him, that he is this great and wonderful father/husband (so far from it, it must be the alcohol talking) and I don't want to cause even more problems than there already is between him and my mom

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Posted by LT708

The problem is that my dad still thinks there is no problem with him, that he is this great and wonderful father/husband (so far from it, it must be the alcohol talking) and I don't want to cause even more problems than there already is between him and my mom

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I would definately have a talk with him. tell him how your feeling, and if you can't work things out..tell him you want someone else walk you down the eisle..

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Posted by perfectpair

It;s your wedding, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with, not b/c it's tradition.... I'm walking myself down the asile (b/c I am no one's possession to give away JMHO) and since OUR wedding is about us, we're doing our first dance then going right in to Hora..... At this point we still have a year and a half to go, alot can change

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O i like that idea. walk myself down. I would skip the dances, but FH really wants to dance with his. Thanks!

You should do what you want!! I am dancing with both my parents and I may have both of them walk me down the aisle..they both raised me and I feel like my mom shouldn't take a backseat, does that make sense? Well, I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, but again the bottom line is it's your wedding!! Do what makes you happy!

so sorry to hear that ...and yes like the others said, there have been many brides who had their mom walk them down the aisle and do a mother/daughter dance. If that is what you truly want then you should do it. The only problem i see is that it will probably cause problems with your dad since he thinks he has never done anything wrong, and probably thinks everything is fine. Talk to your mom first and ask her how you should go about this, also bring it up to your dad, maybe in a subtle way the first time and see what his reaction is.

Good luck

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Posted by LT708

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Posted by perfectpair

It;s your wedding, I think you should do what you feel comfortable with, not b/c it's tradition.... I'm walking myself down the asile (b/c I am no one's possession to give away JMHO) and since OUR wedding is about us, we're doing our first dance then going right in to Hora..... At this point we still have a year and a half to go, alot can change

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O i like that idea. walk myself down. I would skip the dances, but FH really wants to dance with his. Thanks!

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oh, it's all at this point who knows if FMIL wants to dance w/ FH they will

Hey Lisa... You have FM

that is a really, really hard situation and i am very sorry that you are going through this
as we have established here on 08 is that we want honesty so i am going to be as honest as possible

the weddings ive gone to that had not dad walking down isle of dance were dads that were not in picture at all or passed away

i think it would be a little awkward to have him there, with your mom and not really be a 'part' of the wedding - unless everyone else (family) knows the situation

however, it is YOUR day, and shouldnt really matter what anyone thinks or says if you dont want him walking you - have you told him that??

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Posted by beeinsilly

that is a really, really hard situation and i am very sorry that you are going through this
as we have established here on 08 is that we want honesty so i am going to be as honest as possible

the weddings ive gone to that had not dad walking down isle of dance were dads that were not in picture at all or passed away

i think it would be a little awkward to have him there, with your mom and not really be a 'part' of the wedding - unless everyone else (family) knows the situation

however, it is YOUR day, and shouldnt really matter what anyone thinks or says if you dont want him walking you - have you told him that??

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Hmmm I do have to agree with that. Alot of people will sit there and wonder why didn't he walk you down the aisle, why are you not dancing with him.

Thanks everybody! Laura, you're right because I do want the honest 08er opinions, so thanks.

I just have to figure things out with my parents. I guess this is really something i have to sit down and talk about with him/them.

You girls are the best!

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Posted by LT708

Thanks everybody! Laura, you're right because I do want the honest 08er opinions, so thanks.

I just have to figure things out with my parents. I guess this is really something i have to sit down and talk about with him/them.

You girls are the best!

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good luck

I'm so sorry you are going through this

As others have said, if the father is not included it's usually because he is not involved at all or has passed away. Even though he has not been there for you emotionally he is still your father.

IMO I think you should sit down and discuss your feelings with your father before you make any decisions. This will be an intense conversation I'm sure so maybe having a third party there to help would be a good idea. Unfortunately your mother would not be a good choice since I'm sure she has her own strong opinions about him. If you have a relative you trust that would be good but maybe formal counseling would be best.

I think it's important to really make sure he understands your feelings and if you decide not to have him walk you down the aisle, he's going to find out sooner or later. The sooner, the more time you have to work out problems between the two of you.

My dad passed away 4 yrs ago, I am walking myself down and dancing with my mom. There are other ways to honor your mother besides having her walk you down the aisle.

If you want to curb the hurt feelings bit with your dad (being his is a drinker, there may be a scene possibly at your wedding?) - skip the parents dances all together.

I plan on preparing a short speech and presenting my bouquet to my mother during dinner. I'll honor my mother and all we've been through in that way... Maybe you could do the same or something similar?

Everything will be OK!

To be honest,

My dad was killed when I was 4..

My mom is walking my down the isle with my brothers, and then I am having a Mother/Daughter dance...

It's your wedding, you do what you want, and what will make you happy.

HTH.

Ok I think you should ask your momma to walk u down the aisle! She can hold your hand or better yet (just had a vision). Your mother can meet you half way down the aisle and hold your hand to your FH! I think that will be beautiful!


And as for the dance you two can have a mother dance. Both of you can pick a song to dedicate to your mothers and then you to can switch. He can dance with your mom and then you can dance with his mom. And call it a night! There ya go! I hope it helps.