Wedding Etiquette PLEASE HELP!!

Its hard for me to say ... and perhaps I am the exception but for me I couldnt imagine my wedding day without my family members in it. That includes 3 flower girls and 1 ring bearer under the age of 5?!?! We chose our brother/sister spouses to even be in our wedding party - we didnt see it any other way. They of course had the option to not participate if they chose, but for us in the end no matter what had transpired in years past or reactions that werent exactly what we were wanting we know our family would be there for us. As long as you both can comfortably make the decision to not have her participate then I would not have her do so. I guess the thought then is to not expect having a closer relationship with her in the future as she may truly be hurt.

Have you considered asking her if she wants to be or not?

See.. this is where it gets tricky. I think family is family.. and they should be included. Or at least given the opportunity to d ecide on their own. Maybe she doesnt even want to be. I would have your FH say to her that you guys are giving her the choice, but she has to understand that you are going to be part of the family now, and she has to respect you.

I have a friend, who is awful to her brothers wife, they werent going to ask her to be in the wedding, and she was very hurt. Eventually they said they werent going to have her in the wedding, because of the way she treats his wife. She changed her tune a bit, and was in the wedding and was happy about it. It also made her mom very happy. Just bc shes a bridesmaid doesnt mean you have to be best friends, but its hard to not include family. It pushes away more than just hte sister. Im sure the parents are hurt too.