Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

My cousin is getting married at the end of the month, but I'm not able to attend because it's in the middle of school finals. I immediately tried to look up her registry to send her a gift (if I don't do it right away, I forget), but discovered that she's not registered anywhere. I had my mom ask her about, and she said she was going to because everyone was asking her, but so far she doesn't appear to have done it. I don't want to just send her something random, because I really don't know her well enough to know what she needs or likes.

I'm fine with sending a cash gift, but I don't really know how much to send. I've only given cash gifts when I actually attended, and then I try to give approximately the price per head. Should I still send this much (probably about $200)? It kind of feels like a lot when I'm not actually attending (esp. since I'm in school and planning/paying for my own wedding). Would $75-$100 seem ok?

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I personally would send the same amount that I would give if I attended the wedding. If you give less, that is prob the amount that she will give you when your wedding comes around...

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

hm..someone sent us a check for $100 when we invited them to our wedding and they couldnt attend. That seems about right :)

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I actually send more when I'm not attending a wedding because I don't have to pay for a dress/shoes/possibly hotel and travel expense.

It would cost more overall with all the other things if I had to attend a wedding.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I hadn't thought of the money I wouldn't be spending by not going, that's a good point.

I wasn't sure if there was a different rule of thumb for the gift amount when not attending. If it I was buying a gift, I wouldn't think about the amount as much as just getting something nice, but when you send a check I feel like there is a different kind of pressure to come up with the 'right' amount.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I think if you would have given 200 hundred and attended, I would still give the 200.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

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Posted by Marty

My cousin is getting married at the end of the month, but I'm not able to attend because it's in the middle of school finals. I immediately tried to look up her registry to send her a gift (if I don't do it right away, I forget), but discovered that she's not registered anywhere. I had my mom ask her about, and she said she was going to because everyone was asking her, but so far she doesn't appear to have done it. I don't want to just send her something random, because I really don't know her well enough to know what she needs or likes.

I'm fine with sending a cash gift, but I don't really know how much to send. I've only given cash gifts when I actually attended, and then I try to give approximately the price per head. Should I still send this much (probably about $200)? It kind of feels like a lot when I'm not actually attending (esp. since I'm in school and planning/paying for my own wedding). Would $75-$100 seem ok?

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I think that's fair.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I think sending $100 is perfectly fair. If you are in school, your cousin probably doesn't even expect you to send a gift if you aren't going, so any gift will probably be much appreciated.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

This is a difficult decision. I think anything you give is nice and she probably won't expect it? Especially because you aren't going, in school, and planning/paying for your own wedding. Thats only my opinion though.

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

I'd take into consideration the closeness to her? shes family #1... I think $200 sounds about right even if youre not attending..

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

We couldn't attend a wedding of a friend last summer (not really a close friend of FH) but we sent $150. I think $100 to $200 is fine if you are not attending. From what I've heard from people who are married most people don't send any gift when they don't attend

Re: Wedding Gifts When Not Attending

Thanks for all the responses. Sounds like there is no clear answer, but it's best to err on the side of generosity (and hopefully the good karma will be returned ).