WEDDING MAY BE OFF...FIRST UPDATE!!! SECOND UPDATE WITH RESOLUTION!!!

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Posted by MissMaster13

OK, I spoke to my mom and she said it was fine, that she and my father weren't mad at all about the names thing. I have been thinking about this all day and I think it really does boil down to the fact that he hasn't helped me plan this at all. It IS his day too, and I wanted his help for the last 10 months we've been engaged. He is 'just not into it'. I guess this whole 'My parents name' BS just put me over the edge. Then with him yelling at me and stuff, I just lost my mind. It's not about age, or money, it's about family. I felt like I wasn't disrespecting his family, I just felt that why should they be a part of it. If he wants his parents names on there then FINE, but I want it the way others have had it (son of blah blah) I just wish he was more involved with everything the whole time and not seconds before I order things. This isn't the first time he's pulled this (centerpieces, dj, first dance...) he says 'I don't care, whatever' and then out of no where it's his way or no way. UGH! I should know how he is by now, we've been together for 6 years! He always uses 'Then I won't marry you...' as a comeback...he needs to lay off that because if I was to ever say 'Ok fine, wedding's off' he'd be crying like a baby. :::BREATH BREATH::: OK, I'll say fine...but I get to order the matchbooks and napkins I wanted I wanna thank everyone for your advice. Just reading these posts all day really helped me to get my head in check! 07 girls rule!

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I don't think he should be threatening to call the wedding off -- you should have a talk with him about that...do you want to hear him say 'i'll divorce you then' you entire married life! That's blackmail and a nasty threat - it needs to stop

One more little bit of advice, then--make sure he stops that. I haven't been married very long, but one thing I know about marriage is you never, ever, never say 'I'm going to leave' or 'I'm going to get a divorce' unless you really mean it. I know lots of people who do it, and their marriages suck. Just having the 'D' word out there...even though you know it was said in anger, it eats at you. So if he's saying 'I'm wont marry you' now, it's not going to stop after the wedding, he'll just change it. Don't fight, just tell him that he doesn't know how upsetting and wrong it is (even if he does) and that he has to stop. OK?

Congrats on working it out.

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Posted by MissMaster13He always uses 'Then I won't marry you...' as a comeback...he needs to lay off that because if I was to ever say 'Ok fine, wedding's off' he'd be crying like a baby. :::!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by kokopelia

I think that planning a wedding is seriously for woman only. If a guy is too much into it, I think that would be very weird.

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i just noticed this in your response---um....wedding planning is NOT just ONLY for a woman....the man gets married too. yes it might be geared towards more 'girly' things, but the wedding is the PARTY that happens after a CEREMONY, so both a man and a woman should be involved.

my DH must be pretty weird and over involvd cause he insisted on being in on EVERY aspect of wedding planning.

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Vinny is all about the wedding planning and he is PROUD of it. He comes with me to every single vendor appointment and he WANTS to be there-- if I say I'm going and that I can handle it on my own he actually asks 'but can I come just to come?' He goes to Bridal Showcases like they are going out of STYLE! All of our vendors know and love him and refer to him as the 'most involved groom' and he, honestly, wants this wedding more than I do sometimes.

I think that's a huge generalization... It's funny, a girl asked Vinny what types of flowers we were having in our CPs and before he could answer she goes 'oh I'm sorry- you probably have no idea' and he said 'actually, I do...' and started naming the NAMES of the roses like sahara and black magic-- and orchids and hydrangeas and hanging amaranthus... The girl was STUNNED!

I always say if he wasn't all over me all the time I would wonder about him

OK, had to say my piece- I feel better now!

OK.. Why can't your invite say something like, 'Together with their Families'...

DH's parents did NOTHING for us while my mom and dad went out of their way to help us..

and even thought I was pissed about it, I thought I should at least show respect for BOTH families without naming anyone in particular on the invites and saying Together with their Families...

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Posted by sugarkube4

OK.. Why can't your invite say something like, 'Together with their Families'...

DH's parents did NOTHING for us while my mom and dad went out of their way to help us..

and even thought I was pissed about it, I thought I should at least show respect for BOTH families without naming anyone in particular on the invites and saying Together with their Families...

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Agree..thats what we did also...both parent wants to be on the top of the list, so to avoid conflict, we put 'Together with their Parents'

The only name you will in my invite is our name...why make things complicate?

So sorry about this!!
I'm sure it's frustrating.. but like the other girls have said.. definetly choose your battles.

True wedding invitation etiquette isn't about who pays for what, but the family joining...

My parents payed for the hall, and his dad gave us money for most of our vendors.
We put my parents names on the invite and both his parents (they are divorced).. it's about them giving their son away also.

Just another way to look at it
I hope you don't call it off over this.. the invitation ends up getting thrown out anyways!!

Hang in there

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Posted by MrsDaniRella

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by kokopelia

I think that planning a wedding is seriously for woman only. If a guy is too much into it, I think that would be very weird.

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i just noticed this in your response---um....wedding planning is NOT just ONLY for a woman....the man gets married too. yes it might be geared towards more 'girly' things, but the wedding is the PARTY that happens after a CEREMONY, so both a man and a woman should be involved.

my DH must be pretty weird and over involvd cause he insisted on being in on EVERY aspect of wedding planning.

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Vinny is all about the wedding planning and he is PROUD of it. He comes with me to every single vendor appointment and he WANTS to be there-- if I say I'm going and that I can handle it on my own he actually asks 'but can I come just to come?' He goes to Bridal Showcases like they are going out of STYLE! All of our vendors know and love him and refer to him as the 'most involved groom' and he, honestly, wants this wedding more than I do sometimes.

I think that's a huge generalization... It's funny, a girl asked Vinny what types of flowers we were having in our CPs and before he could answer she goes 'oh I'm sorry- you probably have no idea' and he said 'actually, I do...' and started naming the NAMES of the roses like sahara and black magic-- and orchids and hydrangeas and hanging amaranthus... The girl was STUNNED!

I always say if he wasn't all over me all the time I would wonder about him

OK, had to say my piece- I feel better now!

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glad u got that out, however your dh also models with your pocketbooks. Glad he is all over you. Wasn't my point in the first place... thanks for clarifying yourself and making the post about YOU....

I think both sets of parents should have their names on the invite. I never really looked at an innvite and said 'oh good mr and mrs Smith are paying for the wedding they're loaded we will def have shrimp cocktail' I just look at in a traditional way of these parents are so happy for their children. I think it's tacky when people go over board to show who paid for what. I'm your guest I could care less who paid for the flowers, dj, limo, even my dinner. I go to share in the new couples happiness and help make their day one they will remember forever.
PS I don't even like shrimp cocktail

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Posted by kokopelia

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Posted by MrsDaniRella

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by kokopelia

I think that planning a wedding is seriously for woman only. If a guy is too much into it, I think that would be very weird.

---

i just noticed this in your response---um....wedding planning is NOT just ONLY for a woman....the man gets married too. yes it might be geared towards more 'girly' things, but the wedding is the PARTY that happens after a CEREMONY, so both a man and a woman should be involved.

my DH must be pretty weird and over involvd cause he insisted on being in on EVERY aspect of wedding planning.

---

Vinny is all about the wedding planning and he is PROUD of it. He comes with me to every single vendor appointment and he WANTS to be there-- if I say I'm going and that I can handle it on my own he actually asks 'but can I come just to come?' He goes to Bridal Showcases like they are going out of STYLE! All of our vendors know and love him and refer to him as the 'most involved groom' and he, honestly, wants this wedding more than I do sometimes.

I think that's a huge generalization... It's funny, a girl asked Vinny what types of flowers we were having in our CPs and before he could answer she goes 'oh I'm sorry- you probably have no idea' and he said 'actually, I do...' and started naming the NAMES of the roses like sahara and black magic-- and orchids and hydrangeas and hanging amaranthus... The girl was STUNNED!

I always say if he wasn't all over me all the time I would wonder about him

OK, had to say my piece- I feel better now!

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glad u got that out, however your dh also models with your pocketbooks. Glad he is all over you. Wasn't my point in the first place... thanks for clarifying yourself and making the post about YOU....

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Ok wow-YES it was a generalization-and great that your FH/DH are into wedding planning-but 99% of grooms dont want anything to do with wedding planning. I think the point was 'if this is the only thing he has asked for why not do it...since MOST LIKELY he doesnt want anything to do with the rest of the planning'

Sooooo in essense-yes generalization-BUT A TRUE ONE! Everyday a bride comes on here and says that he FH hasnt helped her with anything-is this wrong nope-its everyday.

do you guys call each other and tell each other to post to these threads? I mean really

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Posted by PegaLega

do you guys call each other and tell each other to post to these threads? I mean really

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meooooow....damn put the claws away with the snide comments.

and no we don't 'call each other' over comments....LIW posts aren't that serious to me

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Posted by kokopelia

glad u got that out, however your dh also models with your pocketbooks. Glad he is all over you. Wasn't my point in the first place... thanks for clarifying yourself and making the post about YOU....

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If you want to talk about me, that's fine and I can handle it no problem, but making a comment about Vinny, thats crossing the line. There's no need for your nastiness so, stick with me because Vinny is way out of your league.

OK, so we talked, ALL NIGHT and everything is ok. He said he just wants to make sure everything is the way I want, but that even though there really isnt much more to do, he will help. Thank you soooo much for everything! We decided to use'
Mr. & Mrs. Bride's Parent's
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Melissa Margaret
to
Michael Paul
son of Mr. & Mrs. Groom's Parents
Blah blah
It looks good and he is happy, and if he is happy I am happy =)

awwww i am sooo HAPPY that you talked it out and everything is fine ~ communication is key and sometimes we have to step back, breathe and rethink the situation...

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Posted by MissMaster13

OK, so we talked, ALL NIGHT and everything is ok. He said he just wants to make sure everything is the way I want, but that even though there really isnt much more to do, he will help. Thank you soooo much for everything! We decided to use'
Mr. & Mrs. Bride's Parent's
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Melissa Margaret
to
Michael Paul
son of Mr. & Mrs. Groom's Parents
Blah blah
It looks good and he is happy, and if he is happy I am happy =)

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That's aweseom! I'm glad you guys were able to talk it out! Enjoy the rest of your planning!

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Posted by MissMaster13

OK, I spoke to my mom and she said it was fine, that she and my father weren't mad at all about the names thing. I have been thinking about this all day and I think it really does boil down to the fact that he hasn't helped me plan this at all. It IS his day too, and I wanted his help for the last 10 months we've been engaged. He is 'just not into it'. I guess this whole 'My parents name' BS just put me over the edge. Then with him yelling at me and stuff, I just lost my mind. It's not about age, or money, it's about family. I felt like I wasn't disrespecting his family, I just felt that why should they be a part of it. If he wants his parents names on there then FINE, but I want it the way others have had it (son of blah blah) I just wish he was more involved with everything the whole time and not seconds before I order things. This isn't the first time he's pulled this (centerpieces, dj, first dance...) he says 'I don't care, whatever' and then out of no where it's his way or no way. UGH! I should know how he is by now, we've been together for 6 years! He always uses 'Then I won't marry you...' as a comeback...he needs to lay off that because if I was to ever say 'Ok fine, wedding's off' he'd be crying like a baby. :::BREATH BREATH::: OK, I'll say fine...but I get to order the matchbooks and napkins I wanted I wanna thank everyone for your advice. Just reading these posts all day really helped me to get my head in check! 07 girls rule!

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My FH has a habit of leaving the house and not telling where he is going (going to the bank be right back, is all I ask for) and his reply during many fight was 'You're lucky I don't go out all the time. I got tired of that response so one day I told him 'No you're lucky because if you didn't I wouln't be here.' He hasn't said it again since.

Glad that there's more understanding on both sides about the name issue.

However, I agree with the pp about the following:

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One more little bit of advice, then--make sure he stops that. I haven't been married very long, but one thing I know about marriage is you never, ever, never say 'I'm going to leave' or 'I'm going to get a divorce' unless you really mean it. I know lots of people who do it, and their marriages suck. Just having the 'D' word out there...even though you know it was said in anger, it eats at you. So if he's saying 'I'm wont marry you' now, it's not going to stop after the wedding, he'll just change it. Don't fight, just tell him that he doesn't know how upsetting and wrong it is (even if he does) and that he has to stop. OK?

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The fact that he pulls the 'I'm not going to marry you' card on a regular basis is worrisome. It's crucial that couples learn how to fight fairly or else it can be detrimental to the relationship down the line. This would be a good topic to discuss in pre-marital counseling. GL.

ETA--clarification.

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Posted by MrsDaniRella

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Posted by kokopelia

glad u got that out, however your dh also models with your pocketbooks. Glad he is all over you. Wasn't my point in the first place... thanks for clarifying yourself and making the post about YOU....

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If you want to talk about me, that's fine and I can handle it no problem, but making a comment about Vinny, thats crossing the line. There's no need for your nastiness so, stick with me because Vinny is way out of your league.

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