WEDDING MAY BE OFF...FIRST UPDATE!!! SECOND UPDATE WITH RESOLUTION!!!

I went through the same exact things with my FH's parent. He wanted his parents acknowledeged even though they have not given or done shyt for the wedding!! Because it was an issue I changed the wording to 'Together with their parents' just b/c I didn't want to hear the noise. I know what my parents and family have done for us and so does everyone else...Don't let this be the end of your future.....HTH

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Posted by MissMaster13

I think it is HIM and NOT HIS PARENTS that's doing this. He never said THEY wanted to be on the invite he said 'I want MY PARENTS on the invite.' not 'My Parents want THEIR names on the invite.' It's him pulling this crap, not them. I like them. And you're right, it's not an age thing...it's just a jerk thing

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Well if it is HIM wanting it, then their names should be on there. He is a part of this wedding right? After the day is over, you'll all be one family. Is it really that big a deal that you don't want to marry him over this?

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Posted by carlsbride

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Posted by MissMaster13

I think it is HIM and NOT HIS PARENTS that's doing this. He never said THEY wanted to be on the invite he said 'I want MY PARENTS on the invite.' not 'My Parents want THEIR names on the invite.' It's him pulling this crap, not them. I like them. And you're right, it's not an age thing...it's just a jerk thing

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Well if it is HIM wanting it, then their names should be on there. He is a part of this wedding right? After the day is over, you'll all be one family. Is it really that big a deal that you don't want to marry him over this?

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I completely agree, it is HIS wedding too, you may want to consider your future husband's feelings on the matter.

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Posted by Nina_m74

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Posted by carlsbride

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Posted by MissMaster13

I think it is HIM and NOT HIS PARENTS that's doing this. He never said THEY wanted to be on the invite he said 'I want MY PARENTS on the invite.' not 'My Parents want THEIR names on the invite.' It's him pulling this crap, not them. I like them. And you're right, it's not an age thing...it's just a jerk thing

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Well if it is HIM wanting it, then their names should be on there. He is a part of this wedding right? After the day is over, you'll all be one family. Is it really that big a deal that you don't want to marry him over this?

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I completely agree, it is HIS wedding too, you may want to consider your future husband's feelings on the matter.

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I agree too.

I feel that, in general, the focus of weddings is on the woman and that the men don't really get a lot of acknowledgement. This might be his small way of making him feel like he's important too. He is part of the wedding and you may want to consider what he wants as well.

I would seriously just give in......this wedding is for both of you, and if he's so adamant about it, he probably just wants to respect his parents. there are ways to word it where it's more obvious that the brides parents are technically hosting (even though I don't even read into that, b/c the brides parents paying isn't really common anymore anyway). and age definitely shouldn't be a factor.....if my father was alive today he'd be turning 104 in August (no I'm not kidding), he passed almost 10 years ago.....my mom & dad were 40 years apart in age when they were married (and no he wasn't rich!! lol).....so I think this is more about respect than what's old fashioned or what's modern. good luck!! please don't let this become a tug of war between you & FH!

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Posted by kokopelia

I think that planning a wedding is seriously for woman only. If a guy is too much into it, I think that would be very weird.

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i just noticed this in your response---um....wedding planning is NOT just ONLY for a woman....the man gets married too. yes it might be geared towards more 'girly' things, but the wedding is the PARTY that happens after a CEREMONY, so both a man and a woman should be involved.

my DH must be pretty weird and over involvd cause he insisted on being in on EVERY aspect of wedding planning.

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Posted by MissMaster13

I think it is HIM and NOT HIS PARENTS that's doing this. He never said THEY wanted to be on the invite he said 'I want MY PARENTS on the invite.' not 'My Parents want THEIR names on the invite.' It's him pulling this crap, not them. I like them. And you're right, it's not an age thing...it's just a jerk thing

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honestly--i really feel like there is so much more going on between you and FH....are you perhaps just plain angry at him cause you have been doing this all and he hasn't helped? the whole not wanting to let him put the parents on the invite thing, seems so passive agressive. like since HE is asking for it, and you are mad that he's not helping, you want to not give it to him.

i'm sure there have been things that he hasn't wanted with the wedding, that he just says okay and has to shell out the $$$$, so why not just let him have this one thing? i know it was wrong of him to say 'i won't marry you' but i'm sure the fight got very heated.

in the end, this is just one of those 'small stuff' things that you shouldn't be going nuts about!

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Posted by Queensbebe

I sympathize bc my FH's parents haven't even given us a card or shed a dime for this wedding. My FMIL actually asked me if she has to 'buy a new dress, I already have a couple in my closet I could wear'!!! However, when it came time to order the invites, my FH said he didn't care what I did, and I was SO tempted to be spiteful and not put their names on it, but I didn't. I did the traditional way with the son of mr & mrs. I didn't want to embarass them to their entire family and make it known they didn't help, and I didn't want to start out on a bad foot and have bad vibes around the wedding. I know how you feel, but I would add their names and call a truce.

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that is soo funny you mentioned this about your fmil with a new dress... my fmil asked me if she could wear the dress she wore to fh brothers wedding 3 years ago... i was like shocked she would have asked such a questions... i said if you want to be in the same dress for our wedding by all means (if this makes you happy) she is the one that will look so silly & especially in the pictures...

my invitations read
The honor of your presence is requested
at the marriage of
brides name
daughter of
xxxxxx
and
grooms name
son of
xxxxxxx
on xxxxxx, the xxxxx day of xxx

I think this way everyone's name is there. I don't think it is about top billing it is just recognition, he is their son.

I hope this helps....

If it's him and not his parents, what's the problem? Isn't this HIS wedding too? Does he get no say at all? Or do you feel as if he's disrespecting your parents by wanting his parents on there too? No matter who pays for the wedding, it's as much his wedding as it is yours.

You need to learn to compromise, because that's what marriage is about.

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Posted by MissMaster13
I think it is HIM and NOT HIS PARENTS that's doing this. He never said THEY wanted to be on the invite he said 'I want MY PARENTS on the invite.' not 'My Parents want THEIR names on the invite.' It's him pulling this crap, not them. I like them. And you're right, it's not an age thing...it's just a jerk thing

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Yes, I'm sure everyone will laugh themselves sick over that one, a woman in a dress that she's worn already!!

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Posted by Mooshyboo
that is soo funny you mentioned this about your fmil with a new dress... my fmil asked me if she could wear the dress she wore to fh brothers wedding 3 years ago... i was like shocked she would have asked such a questions... i said if you want to be in the same dress for our wedding by all means (if this makes you happy) she is the one that will look so silly & especially in the pictures...

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I understand you're upset, but you need to ask yourself if this battle is really worth your relationship with your FH.

My invitations have both my parents' and my FH's parents' names on it -- but they are worded so that my parents are hosting. They are the ones with the honor in the invitations.

They read:

Mr. and Mrs. James George LAST NAME
request the honour of your presence
att he marriage of their daugher
Kara Patrice
to
Todd Charles
son of
Mr. and Mrs. Todd Kenneth LAST NAME

This wording would clearly give your parents the honor position and still have his parents on the invite.

And not for nothing, just b/c his parents are old and have older friends doesn't mean they are any less important to your FH.

I'd not make this a fight and put their names on the invite. JMHO. Don't sweat the small stuff. In the end it's not worth it.

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Kara, I couldn't have said it better. This way your parents are still the first ones whose names will stand out. Don't lose a good man over something foolish.

OK, I spoke to my mom and she said it was fine, that she and my father weren't mad at all about the names thing. I have been thinking about this all day and I think it really does boil down to the fact that he hasn't helped me plan this at all. It IS his day too, and I wanted his help for the last 10 months we've been engaged. He is 'just not into it'. I guess this whole 'My parents name' BS just put me over the edge. Then with him yelling at me and stuff, I just lost my mind. It's not about age, or money, it's about family. I felt like I wasn't disrespecting his family, I just felt that why should they be a part of it. If he wants his parents names on there then FINE, but I want it the way others have had it (son of blah blah) I just wish he was more involved with everything the whole time and not seconds before I order things. This isn't the first time he's pulled this (centerpieces, dj, first dance...) he says 'I don't care, whatever' and then out of no where it's his way or no way. UGH! I should know how he is by now, we've been together for 6 years! He always uses 'Then I won't marry you...' as a comeback...he needs to lay off that because if I was to ever say 'Ok fine, wedding's off' he'd be crying like a baby. :::BREATH BREATH::: OK, I'll say fine...but I get to order the matchbooks and napkins I wanted I wanna thank everyone for your advice. Just reading these posts all day really helped me to get my head in check! 07 girls rule!

I'm sorry but I have to agree with the other girls and say that you are over reacting to this. Yes, in many ways it seems to be more of the woman's day. However, you would not be standing up on that alter with him if he hadn't asked you to marry him. It takes 2 to get married regardless of the other person's (or parents) level of planning involvement. The men get blurred out of weddings all too often and I think it's sad. He is asking you (OK - maybe he yelled it b/c he was mad) to put his parents name on the invites. You are marrying this man because (hopefully) you respect him (amongst many other things). Then respect him in this instance and honor this ONE request he is making. It has nothing to do with age, money or anything else. The simplicity of all of it is that he would like his parents name on them so therefore they should be on. I think you need to pick your battles more carefully. And if not .... if an invite can call off your wedding then what are you really doing marrying him in the first place? What will happen when a FAR MORE serious fight ..... more serious than just wording on a piece of paper ..... happens? JMO

ETA: Just saw your post after I posted mine. I'm glad it worked out and I am sorry that this is a pattern for him. I didn't realize that when I wrote my post. I'm sure it is frustrating. Hope all works out!

Im glad that it has worked out.

P.s. I havent met a groom yet that it as into wedding planning, as we are!!!!

I try, and try again, but in the end, I end up making most of the decisions. (hence why I am on here so much!)

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Posted by August12

Im glad that it has worked out.

P.s. I havent met a groom yet that it as into wedding planning, as we are!!!!

I try, and try again, but in the end, I end up making most of the decisions. (hence why I am on here so much!)

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Well at least we know the weddings will be nice if we are planning it all ourselves!

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Posted by MissMaster13

. It's not about age, or money, it's about family.

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I'm so happy to hear you say that, family is the core of marriage. Planning the wedding can be so stressful, little things just keep building up until that one thing makes you blow up. With us it was finding the location - we could not agree at all - when we did find one it was a huge weight being taken off my shoulders.

I'm glad you are happy with your decision. ...and I agree, you certainly have to talk to FH about his 'then I won't marry you' stuff that's not a fair responce on his end because it just ends the conversation instead of resolving it.

I hope the rest of your planning goes smoothly

I am glad you've come to a resolution on this subject. Whether you feel like you're marrying the family along with the man or not, the fact is that these people will be a part of your life from her on out. And, because they are important to your FH, raised him, played a part in making him the man you love, etc., they will be important to you too.

I know that this is a stressful time, but perhaps when the 2 of you are calm, it would be helpful for setting some 'ground rules' for disagreements. Hurling around words like 'I won't marry you' is not something that should be commonplace in a relationship, as they can very easily turn into 'Fine, let's get a divorce' after the
big day/party is over. Those words devalue the security and sanctity of a relationship.

I think it is important to plan your marriage and your life, not just the details of one day as you move forward. Best of luck to you.