Wedding money

From what I found when calling paces for myself was that they will give general info on the phone, but you dont know what the people added on.

They could have added every option available and the $70 the BM tell you can really be $200 after add ons.

I have heard of people writing their checks for the card AT the wedding..LOL not at the tables, but they either go outside or in the bathroom..LOL

Can you immagine- haha

We've got a guest list of 280,
and, I'm not banking on it. When we started the planning, I wanted to pay cash for everything...but, then FH lost his mom, went through a lot, and wasn't working...for a long time. So, I'm anticipating putting a lot on credit...I feel like as long as I can pay off the credit cards afterwards, I'll be happy...(I started planning my wedding when I was 13...so, downsizing, was really not an option!) but, as for the total cost of the wedding, I don't expect gifts to come anywhere near that...
(a great deal of the wedding is being paid for with 'gifts' from my parents, grandpa, and FFIL) Our cost will probably be around $12k...

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Posted by Kris109

I also have big issues with the whole 'Cover your plate' theory. with as expensive as weddings have gotten, I don't think it's fair to expect people to be able to give a gift of well over $200 because you chose to have an expensive wedding...As far as what's 'appropriate' I think what's appropriate is whatever is comfortable for the guest to give, and they shouldn't have to choose between attending a wedding, and paying the rent...whether that's $300, or $30...JMO...

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of course everyone should give what they're comfortable with. I like to at least cover my plate bc its my own preference to do so. Weddings are expensive but most places won't be over $200 a plate, a few but majority we will attend won't be, so i feel im safe if i do $200 each

I know what you mean, but I feel like, escecially on Long Island, people make you feel like some sort of pariah for not giving really substantial monetary gift. I guess it's just a sore spot with me. I'm very generous by nature...and would love to give $200 for each of us, but there's no way that my finances could take a hit of $400 to just give away...and that's if there's only one wedding in a month, I've had months where we went to three in one month! If there's even just one wedding, and we just give a gift of $200, that means no grocery shopping that month...what I've started doing, is buying a gift card, either from where the couple is registered, or home depot, if they have a house...and that way I can put it on a credit card, and still afford to pay my rent...
but, again, I live, quite literally paycheck to paycheck...generosity is a luxury I can't really afford...

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Posted by Kris109

I know what you mean, but I feel like, escecially on Long Island, people make you feel like some sort of pariah for not giving really substantial monetary gift. I guess it's just a sore spot with me. I'm very generous by nature...and would love to give $200 for each of us, but there's no way that my finances could take a hit of $400 to just give away...and that's if there's only one wedding in a month, I've had months where we went to three in one month! If there's even just one wedding, and we just give a gift of $200, that means no grocery shopping that month...what I've started doing, is buying a gift card, either from where the couple is registered, or home depot, if they have a house...and that way I can put it on a credit card, and still afford to pay my rent...
but, again, I live, quite literally paycheck to paycheck...generosity is a luxury I can't really afford...

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ive never had 3 weddings in one month, that is crazy. ALso it depends on the wedding we go to and how close we are to them. If at the time of the wedding i just can't do it then its different bc no matter you give what you're comfortable with. People understand trust me.

I looked at people situations before our e-party and was hoping they would just come without worrying bc i knew their situation.

Also Fh and I save for the wedding together but other than that our money is separate, so its just $200 for each of us, not $400 coming from our expenses together. But wel also do this now bc we know ppl will have expenses coming up for our weddings so we feel bad

thanks Espo!
yeah, the year we had three weddings in the same month...we had a total of 15 weddings! in the 7 years we've been together...we've been to 27 weddings! and we've got number 28 on Saturday!!!

and like you said, if we had separate money, it would be a TOTALLY different story...We've been living together for 4 and half years, so we really don't have 'his' and 'mine' it's all 'ours.' I yearn for the day when there's actually money in the bank!!!!!

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Posted by Soon2BMrsD
this is a huge fight between FH and i... he wants the big extravagant thing and i like small and simple.. but anyway.. he insists that we will make back EVERYTHING... i say.. CR@P!!! my family does not give large gifts nor do that follow the 'pay for your plate' theory so i knwo we will not make it back from my family and im ok with that.. but we shall see.. if we get anything im happy!!

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We had the same argument. He thinks people will give us more because his family is generous. My family is soooo cheap (except for my parents who are paying for most of this shindig-the rest we are paying).

Our wedding is on the smaller side (by LI standards) we guaranteed 100 but it will probably be closer to 125.

We didn't have an engagement party (because of $$$) but some people have sent us gifts anyway. We recieved a few from people in FH's family and from my family, ONE of my aunts and thats it! I love them all nonetheless since I know how they are.

It's not about money but we're planning on using what we get for a downpayment on a house also.

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Posted by Kris109

thanks Espo!
yeah, the year we had three weddings in the same month...we had a total of 15 weddings! in the 7 years we've been together...we've been to 27 weddings! and we've got number 28 on Saturday!!!

and like you said, if we had separate money, it would be a TOTALLY different story...We've been living together for 4 and half years, so we really don't have 'his' and 'mine' it's all 'ours.' I yearn for the day when there's actually money in the bank!!!!!

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yeah see i would be COMPLETELY different if we had that many weddings to go to, honestly i wouldn't go to all of them if it were me. Those i am close to of course i would. This year we've only had 3 weddings so far, and only 2 more later this year, at least that i know of.