Ok, so FH thought he was gonna have like 9 people on his side originally. After convincing him that he was nuts, I got him down to 6--his brother, my brother and 4 friends. But, I still have a problem b/c I want our sides to be even, but to put 6 people on my side would mean putting people there who really don't belong in my bridal party. It's not that I don't want to give people that honor or that they don't 'deserve' it. It's just that I have fewer close friends and it feels funny to ask people that know they don't belong in my bridal party to be in it. So far, I'm set on 3 friends (including MOH) and FH's cousin--that's 4 to his 6. I wanted to put in my cousin's cousin who I'm extraordinarily closer to that our mutual cousin, but there's a lot of family strife with that side of the family and my mom told me that it's gonna be enough trouble that I'm inviting my cousin's cousin to the wedding at all (a lot of the family thinks we don't speak to her--they will be surprised). She said, at the very least, if I put her in I have to put in our mutual cousin. We were close when we were very little, but once all this family stuff got riled up, she kinda slipped out of my life. I NEVER see her or talk to her. She doesn't even go to family things, so I don't see her there! I don't know what to do. On paper, it makes sense to stick them both in and make it to 6, but it feels so odd to put her in when we're so far from close. Any advice?
Sweetd
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
What my sister did was she had two ushers with one bridesmaid. It looks totally fine and it is a common thing, I have seen a few people do that.
D&C
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Only have the people you have close to your heart. Who cares about a number? It doesnt matter if the numbers match up, thats old school logic. You have the people who mean something to you.
Then you work it all out. Like girls can walk alone. or they can walk with 2 guys, whatever....the point is to have people who love and support you, no matter if thats 1 person or 15
RedRoses
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Thanks. I'll have to see if FH and FILs can deal with me being 'untraditional' yet again. Because it's going to be a Jewish wedding and they are not Jewish, they have an issue with every decision I make because it's so 'untraditional' to them -- even if it's not to me. This one has nothing to do with religion, but just wait--it will come to that!
ladybug78
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Hi...I don't believe that you have to have the same amount on both sides of the bridal party...I have 6 girls and my fiance has 8 guys...He has his 2 brothers, my 2 brothers and 4 friends who he is extremely close with...I have my 2 cousins, my aunt, fiance's cousin and 2 friends who I am close with... at first I thought I should even it out but why put people in your wedding who you really wouldn't have put in otherwise?? I have seen weddings where people were put in the bridal party to equal things out and the bride and groom barely spoke to these people before the wedding and do not speak anymore after the wedding...A wedding is about sharing your special day with the people you care about and who care about you...Do what you feel is right in your heart!!
leighdvm
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
My FH has 5 and I have 4. And I don't care one bit
Have who you want, and don't worry about being even.
nferrandi
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The party does not have to be even. don't even think of adding anyone you don't want and please don't ask your FH to cut down people he wants to be there for him. The families will just have to get over it.
RedRoses
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Posted by nferrandi
The party does not have to be even. don't even think of adding anyone you don't want and please don't ask your FH to cut down people he wants to be there for him. The families will just have to get over it.
Don't worry--the only reason why I thought 9 was a crazy number was because he was kind of arbitrary in his reasoning for why he was putting people in. But, in the end, he came up with the 6 on his own.
LMFitz
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I second the notiion of keeping to those who matter to you. I'm in the exact same situation with my FI (I have 4 including MOH, and he has 8 + 2 juniors) - and he's tried to convince me to include more people. I'm just not close to them in that way! And I don't want to 'cheapen' the expeirence for my 4 girls, who really mean the world to me!
Stick to you guns, and just get creative on how they all walk in - double up where necessary and stuff like that!
RedRoses
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I'm sitting at my desk (supposed to be typing a report) and I totally just devised a plan of how I can have 4 girls and he can have 6 guys and how they can walk in. I'm very excited, but my spirits are dropping as I'm thinking about FH/FMIL (hard to separate) reactions to my plan :( I'm expecting to hear 'YOU CAN'T DO THAT...THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT'S DONE...IT'S NOT 'RIGHT!'
Blu-ize
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Please...they should only know how much you take their ideas into consideration. Just reading what you type, I can tell that you make yourself crazy over what they say. Your FH and you need to be united in whatever you do. Get him on your side first and the rest will follow.
alibali
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i'm having 4 girls and my FH is having 6 ushers.. i dont see anything wrong with it.
RedRoses
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Posted by Blu-ize
Please...they should only know how much you take their ideas into consideration. Just reading what you type, I can tell that you make yourself crazy over what they say. Your FH and you need to be united in whatever you do. Get him on your side first and the rest will follow.
Wow. I had no idea I was that readable! But, thanks--it is nice to know at least someone recognizes what I'm trying to do.
RedRoses
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Just thought I'd update the LIW community on this little drama. Yes, I do realize that it is a miniscule drama in the scheme of things! I just spoke to FH (1:30am) and in a stream of telling him about why I had such a bad day today, mentioned my thoughts on the bridal party. Before I could even get my thought out, he said 'it HAS to be the same number of people.' I got upset and he said, 'then YOU explain it to everyone,' which just got me more upset and then we fought about the way he says things, who this is really for, the purpose of the bridal party (pictures vs meaning), etc. I WAS tired, but now I can't fall asleep :( I hate that planning a stupid wedding should be the cause of such crap.
Jax430
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Re: Wedding Party Dilemma
Maybe you should point out to him that if it's so important to HIM to have equal wedding parties, HE should take out some of his guys and make it equal like he wants it. I know he's not going to do that, but maybe it will help him see your point better.
Also, maybe some ladies on here can post pics of unequal wedding parties so that you can show him that it doesn't look bad at all. You shouldn't have to add women who aren't important to you.
