Wedding Party 'situation', already?

I'm probably being selfish, but I'm sure some of you can relate.



FH and I always agreed that we want a SMALL bridal party.

My sis= MOH
His sis, and my best friend= bridesmaids

His best friend= BM
My bro, his other friend= Groomsmen

Now here's the problem. In 2001, FH's sister married a LOSER. He drinks too much, is a pothead, is covered in tattoos, and has medical issues but won't have the corrective surgery, because he's overweight (closer to obese), and he's 'scared.'

FH didn't talk to him for about a year after a party (Summer 2003), where he almost cheated on his wife with her good friend/co-worker IN A PORT-A-POTTY, then ripped her purse off her shoulder, bruising her.

Of course, I was the only sober one and had to drive FH and his sister (who's older, by the way) home. As I pulled away, this 'man' was screaming profanities directed at me, while banging and kicking my car, while waving his middle finger.

Bottom line, Fh and I DON'T like this guy. I have absolutely no respect for someone that comes home from work at 4pm, and sits on his a$$ playing xBox with his pothead friends, while his wife is out working 2 jobs. Oh, AND she HAS to cook dinner as soon as she walks in the door at 7:30pm, 'cause 'helpless' can't do $hit.

He's a liar, he's trashy, and we just DON'T like him. FH's parents can't stand him either, but FH is already under pressure from his Mother that 'LOSER' absolutely HAS to be a GM, 'cause 'he's his sister's husband'.

Here's another issue - if loser is added, I have to add a BM, which i do NOT want to do. I have 6 female cousins that would love to be in my party, but I can't do something that large. I can't take one and not the others!

I know that if FH caves to please his Mother, I will probably be SO ANGRY every time I look at my wedding pictures. Hey, at the rate that marriage is going, they might even separate somewhere down the line...and then, not only will I have an ugly guy that I HATE in my pics, he's be FSILs EX-HUSBAND, and I won't be able to display the pics without making her cry.

I don't know what to do - we're afraid that if FH doesn't ask 'loser', we'll start a huge feud and his sister will hate us forever. If we DO ask him, neither one of us (but especially me) will be happy.

We were planning to formally ask the members of our BP at our e-party on July 3rd, but I doubt that's going to happen now. I just don't know what to do.

I'm adding a poll....what would you do?

TIA and thanks for listening to me WHINE.

for those of you saying, 'aw, he can't be THAT bad' ---- OMG, if you only knew.

.....Maybe I'm even more p'd off that FH is considering listening to his mother over me?

Explain to the mom your situation how you can't have another GM because then it you will have to invite all your cousins to be BP members and hence FH would also have to find people. Tell FH to tell his mom that ya'll want to be surrounded by close family and friends. Furthermore, you can tell her increasing the size of your BP will end up costing ya'll more money (limo size, bridal party gifts, flower arrangements, etc) and that is not something you can afford (maybe it is, but who cares). Finally,maybe you can make it look like ya'll are willing to compromise by doing a sweetheart table so FH sister and husband can sit together.

I would not allow him to be a GM. No matter what. Stick to what you want. Tell your FH that you are very serious about this.

Marc-Rai:
Thats what we were planning to do - I hope it works!

Sweetheart table will be a must for us...

and thank you for 'taking my side' here - I didn't know if I was completely off base, or if my feelings were normal.

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Posted by Shorty McBride

Marc-Rai:
Thats what we were planning to do - I hope it works!

Sweetheart table will be a must for us...

and thank you for 'taking my side' here - I didn't know if I was completely off base, or if my feelings were normal.

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No problem, your feelings are justified. I mean this is your day and how dare she asks for this slacker to be in your wedding. If he is even half of what he said, then really it sounds as if that wedding may be over before yours even takes place. Honestly, I think your closest friends and family should be your GM and BM, people have enough drame coordinating with their 'friends' in their BP and you don't need the stress of this slacker. I mean, I would be more sympathetic to your FH's mother request if the husband was a friend of you and DH but he's not. In that case, I would say make him a reader or something. But, this guy no.

I think the big thing is to make it seem as if you are giving up something too. My mom was shocked about the whole sweetheart table concept, however FH and I wanted to do the head table dias so it wasn't a conflict.

Oh, if you ABSOLUTELY have to have him do something, I would have him escort your FH's mom down the aisle. Okay I was playing. Maybe he can be an usher? not a GM, but an usher to show the guests to their seats?

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Posted by marc_rai
Maybe he can be an usher? not a GM, but an usher to show the guests to their seats?

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lol... would that involve touching my family?!



I don't know what I can have him do that won't get people talking.

I am with you 100%! Just say that you just want a small party and explain your plans. You should not have to feel pressured by anyone to ask someone to be in the BP. That is an honorable position that is reserved for those special people who deserve it.

Thanks Candace, but FMIL and FFIL will walk down together --- lol---- maybe I can have him walk between them?!?!

IMO you absolutely do not have this person in your wedding. You will be pissed for years every time you look at your wedding pictures!
Its going to be tough, but you've got to explain it to your FMIL and maybe appeal to the fact that she doesn't like him either. If you explain that to be asked to be in the wedding party is an honor and not to fulfill an obligation, maybe she'll understand.
Good luck!

NO! you do NOT have to include him. FH didnt include his two brother in laws. NO WAY..and you are right...at thisr ate who knows where they will be down the line. This is YOUR weddings and you inclde YOUR close friends/family. you do NOT have to do ANYTHING that YOU dont want!!

for putting up with this drama

If your FMIL is pressuring you to have him involved, why dont you have him walk HER down the aisle. I have seen in many a weddings, the mother being escorted by someone and the husband walks behind them.....that way, she gets what she wants, in what a wonderful way

Good luck (and i def would not put him in my wedding party)

Seriously Nic. . he is not a blood relative, so who cares?
I was very selective with my BP. I didn't even have my brother in it. DH had his 2 cousins & I had my 2.
DH & my bother aren't close & doesnt' really liek beign on siplay & stuff, so I had him escort grandma & mom.
I had my little cousin hand ot programs, but Ihave one more male cousin & I didn't give him a task. & my cousin/MOH's husband didn't have a task either.


Oooh, ooh, I know what he can do! Have him come
to your house & get any flowers for DH's family ( mom's coursage, DH's bout) & got to their house or the church drop them off.

Or maybe if he really is useless, he doesn't want to be bothered with anything anyway.

Do NOT do NOT do NOT have this man in your bridal party.

If you would like to see what happens when you add a 'questionable' person to your BP, just let me know and I'll send you the pictures where my DH's cousin has her middle finger up- while the whole bridal party is posed in front of our church.

Or, just do a search for 'bridesmaid from hell' and you can read my entire review of what this person did on my wedding day.

Do NOT do NOT do NOT add questionable people to your bridal party. I promise, if you do, you will regret it.

There is NO WAY on God's GREEN EARTH that I would let this man in my BP! Nicole, stick to your guns on this one....I can't believe given the history you related to us that FH's parents would even ASK this.

I say ANY flack that comes from this is worth it in the end if he stays as far away from the BP as possible!