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Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Original post by Shorty McBride

I'm probably being selfish, but I'm sure some of you can relate.



FH and I always agreed that we want a SMALL bridal party.

My sis= MOH
His sis, and my best friend= bridesmaids

His best friend= BM
My bro, his other friend= Groomsmen

Now here's the problem. In 2001, FH's sister married a LOSER. He drinks too much, is a pothead, is covered in tattoos, and has medical issues but won't have the corrective surgery, because he's overweight (closer to obese), and he's 'scared.'

FH didn't talk to him for about a year after a party (Summer 2003), where he almost cheated on his wife with her good friend/co-worker IN A PORT-A-POTTY, then ripped her purse off her shoulder, bruising her.

Of course, I was the only sober one and had to drive FH and his sister (who's older, by the way) home. As I pulled away, this 'man' was screaming profanities directed at me, while banging and kicking my car, while waving his middle finger.

Bottom line, Fh and I DON'T like this guy. I have absolutely no respect for someone that comes home from work at 4pm, and sits on his a$$ playing xBox with his pothead friends, while his wife is out working 2 jobs. Oh, AND she HAS to cook dinner as soon as she walks in the door at 7:30pm, 'cause 'helpless' can't do $hit.

He's a liar, he's trashy, and we just DON'T like him. FH's parents can't stand him either, but FH is already under pressure from his Mother that 'LOSER' absolutely HAS to be a GM, 'cause 'he's his sister's husband'.

Here's another issue - if loser is added, I have to add a BM, which i do NOT want to do. I have 6 female cousins that would love to be in my party, but I can't do something that large. I can't take one and not the others!

I know that if FH caves to please his Mother, I will probably be SO ANGRY every time I look at my wedding pictures. Hey, at the rate that marriage is going, they might even separate somewhere down the line...and then, not only will I have an ugly guy that I HATE in my pics, he's be FSILs EX-HUSBAND, and I won't be able to display the pics without making her cry.

I don't know what to do - we're afraid that if FH doesn't ask 'loser', we'll start a huge feud and his sister will hate us forever. If we DO ask him, neither one of us (but especially me) will be happy.

We were planning to formally ask the members of our BP at our e-party on July 3rd, but I doubt that's going to happen now. I just don't know what to do.

I'm adding a poll....what would you do?

TIA and thanks for listening to me WHINE.

for those of you saying, 'aw, he can't be THAT bad' ---- OMG, if you only knew.

.....Maybe I'm even more p'd off that FH is considering listening to his mother over me?
TEDNJENN Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Your Day!!! Your Way!!!!

That's all I have to say!!
SomethingBlu Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

OMG why would you want that in your BP? I am so sorry that you even have to deal with this stress. I was also 'strongly urged' to include my sibling's spouses who, while very nice, are not my friends...so I left them out. It bruised some egos but I really don't care...in the end I had mre than I could handle with my small BP. Please don't cave...you only get to do this once with your FH!
hmpena Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Nic,

Your day your way! Do not cave... especially since you know you will not be happy.
Thumballina Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Sorry but this is where you have to put your foot down...its your wedding...you are not here to appease anyone...if you DO NOT want him in your wedding party - case closed.

I know it will not please everyone but they've all had their days. I make sure that everyone knows that when they suddenly feel like telling me what 'we should' do...let anyone think I'm a Beotch...I'll wear the tilte proudly...and imo I think friends and family members that have the time to worry about what you should and should not be doing for your wedding need to get another hobby...

sorry if this sounds rude but I HATE to read posts like this...wedding planning is suppose to be fun but leave it to certain individuals to throw the rock in the spinning wheel...
Stacey04 Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by hmpena

Nic,

Your day your way! Do not cave... especially since you know you will not be happy.


I completely agree.
Shorty McBride Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by Thumballina

sorry if this sounds rude but I HATE to read posts like this...wedding planning is suppose to be fun but leave it to certain individuals to throw the rock in the spinning wheel...


not rude at all!!

We're just worried that we're going to start something HUGE with his sister. She most definitely will be offended if he's not in the wedding - even if we do have a sweetheart table.

I don't like anything about this guy - he makes me so uncomfortable. I just have to make sure FMIL understands that - I guess it's time to sit down and have a talk with her, without FH around.

Thanks everyone
blueyes678 Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by FutureMrsH

I am with you 100%! Just say that you just want a small party and explain your plans. You should not have to feel pressured by anyone to ask someone to be in the BP. That is an honorable position that is reserved for those special people who deserve it.



I agree 100%!!
dpli Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Shorty, I have a few comments:
I had all 3 of their siblings and none of their spouses in my BP. My brothers gave me away and then acted as ushers, but other than them we just had a MOH (my sis) and a BM. No one's spouse was offended and didn't expect to be in the party.

Do NOT make this guy an usher. On the day of my wedding, my niece was not my flower girl, but she was getting ready with us and was going to give out the bubbles after the ceremony. For some reason this confused the photographer and she ended up in a LOT of the photos because I think he thought she was supposed to be. It didn't really bother me, but this could happen to you if loser is an usher - he may end up getting put in a lot of photos. It will be MUCH more difficult on the day of the wedding to ask him to step out of the photos than to take care of it ahead of time by not including him.

Finally, a friend of mine actually had a similar situation with her wedding, but it was her brother that she didn't want in the BP. Her mom gave her a lot of grief, including threatening to not come to the wedding if she didn't include the brother. She stuck to her guns and had him do a reading instead. She was glad she did b/c the brother got embarrassingly drunk at the wedding and caused a big drama afterwards with one of the other GMs.

Stick to your guns. You are keeping the BP small and can't ask anyone else. Period. Just leave it at that, IMO.
Shorty McBride Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

thanks again ladies - this is no fun.

kaklesmay Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Do not have this person in your BP. You are asking for trouble!

sarahthegreat Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

there are no laws that say family members by marriage have to be in your bp. my sisters fh( they are getting married in aug 05) is not in our bp. i like him just fine, but when you start adding spouses a small-ish bp (mine) turns into 15 people before you know it.

i say, no don't have him and to hell with anyone who tells you different!
GsCM4EVA Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

I want to note that i WANT my FH's sisters and their boyfriends/husband in my bp...with the exception of one. I really don't want him in it..ughh....but I don't think he'll want to be, so good :)

ckgmwedding Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

I think in this case you DO NOT have to allow him in your wedding party. Just say that you are only having immediate family and one best friend each. Do what you want and don't worry about the possible fueding. I think the only person who would be mad would be his sister and oh, well. You can't please everyone. My own brother isn't in the wedding party since we only wanted a MOH and BM. He was a little hurt at first but now understands his role as a usher.


Time to bring out the bridezilla gloves and calmly say, 'I am very sorry but we have our bridal party decided already. I do hope you understand.'

Edited to say: You do NOT have to give an excuse because that just weakens your position and opens the door to negotiation. Simply say this is the way its going to be- end of story.
Sweet_Face Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

If I were in your shoes, having him do anything at my wedding would not even be an option. Hey, you'll be paying for him to eat, that's an honor!!!

soontobemrsd325 Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

I agree, put your foot down. If you dont want him then he is not included!!

nferrandi Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

You have to stand your ground. Do not let this man be in your BP. You will regret it down the road. If you have a decent relationship with your FMIL I suggest talking to her yourself insteda of letting FH get into a position where he may cave to her. Just let her know that you want to keep the BP small and simple and that it's just impossible to add to it.
If she gives you a hard time, just put it off by telling her you'll think about it, but just don't bring it up again. Your wedding is still a ways off and you never know what can happen between now and then.
Your FSIL doesn't happen to have any children does she? Because you could always use the excuse that he would need to watch the kids.
Shorty McBride Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by nferrandi

You have to stand your ground. Do not let this man be in your BP. You will regret it down the road. If you have a decent relationship with your FMIL I suggest talking to her yourself insteda of letting FH get into a position where he may cave to her. Just let her know that you want to keep the BP small and simple and that it's just impossible to add to it.
If she gives you a hard time, just put it off by telling her you'll think about it, but just don't bring it up again. Your wedding is still a ways off and you never know what can happen between now and then.
Your FSIL doesn't happen to have any children does she? Because you could always use the excuse that he would need to watch the kids.


Thank you... yes, I think I will talk to FMIL myself. I can stand up to her much better than FH can (he's such a momma's boy.)

I don't think FMIL and FSIL will give us a hard time by fighting back, I just think that this is enough to make his sister back off of everything for our wedding. She thinks her husband is the GREATEST, and couldn't possibly understand why he won't be included. She will be angry, but moreso, hurt.

And no, they have no kids, thank GOD. Some people don't 'PRO-create' - and he's one of 'em.

The 2 people that voted him into the BP - may I ask why? Just to avoid the tension with FSIL? Or because 'it's the right thing to do?' Please explain - I'm curious!

Thanks again everyone
CandiceM Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by pinkstar025

Posted by CandiceM

Posted by marc_rai

Posted by Shorty McBride


Oh, if you ABSOLUTELY have to have him do something, I would have him escort your FH's mom down the aisle. Okay I was playing. Maybe he can be an usher? not a GM, but an usher to show the guests to their seats?


Hey, if it means so much to your FMIL that he is involved in the wedding, have him walk her down the aisle. Otherwise, I wouldnt care what she thought. This is your day. Don't set yourself up to have regrets already. You will never be able to please everyone. I was not included in my SIL's wedding (although she was in mine) and I was totally fine with that. Not being included in family photos was a slap in the face but I digress


THEY DIDNT INCLUDE YOU IN FAMILY PHOTOS?!?!?!?! and you were already MARRIED?!?! thats not nice...


Not only that BUT they took my daughter and included her!!! I hate my in-laws and I am so glad they live far, far away!
CandiceM Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by Shorty McBride

Thanks Candace, but FMIL and FFIL will walk down together --- lol---- maybe I can have him walk between them?!?!


I'm not joking though... Maybe b/c my wedding was an Episcopal service but my MIL walked down with an usher (of her choice) and my FIL walked behind them. This was they way it was done for the grandparents also.
Bumsie Posted:

Re: Wedding Party 'situation', already?

Posted by ckgmwedding

oh, well. You can't please everyone.

calmly say, 'I am very sorry but we have our bridal party decided already. I do hope you understand.'

Edited to say: You do NOT have to give an excuse because that just weakens your position and opens the door to negotiation. Simply say this is the way its going to be- end of story.


I COULD NOT AGREE WITH THIS MORE.
Especially the last paragraph.

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