Wedding Planning Misery....Thanks MOM!

My Mother is making my wedding planning HELL!!! I am the first of three daughters and was expecting her to be a little more enthusiastic about things...However...
The first time I went to try on dresses, she called to tell me she 'might not be able to make the appt, because it's a really nice day and me and your father would like to go golfing'. They ended up making it, but we were an hour and a half late - they went golfing anyway.
We went to order my bridesmaid dresses on Saturday, and I ended up feeling soo guilty about everything I had chosen. The dresses were only $160.00 - and very pretty and forgiving for everyone - but Mom hated them and didn't understand why I couldn't go with the dresses she liked.
I have spoken to her about this, yelled to her about this and cried to her about this - Nothing will get through to her!!! She doesn't think she's doing anything wrong and she is ruining ALL of this for me. It ***** to have her just not care...
It would be nice to have SOMEONE be excited about things with me, but - I guess this is just wedding planning...

ADVICE ANYONE?!?

My advice is that it is YOUR wedding and up to you to make it everything that you want it to be. Your mom may be trying to be supportive in the only way she knows how. Don't take offense to it. My mom still hasn't seen my dress either but they always come around eventually.

If you like the BM dresses then go for it. Everyone hates mine too. But it's my wedding and my day and they can all BITE ME. haha.

SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm excited for you! We all are. And while it's not the same as having someone around you be all happy and excited, you know that we're all here eagerly awaiting news about your dresses, favors, invites, shoes, lipstick color, napkins... you name it, we're happy for you!

Sometimes people just don't get it.
I'm sorry your mom isn't more into the planning, but it doesnt have to mean she's not excited or happy for you.

My FMIL was evil when we first started planning and totally removed from the situation... she has since warmed up and has told us how happy she is for us, but she's nervous about being the center of attention and the stress of the wedding planning.

I hope your mom comes around like my fmil did.

in the mean time... tell us all about your plans!!

Your mom probably is very excited,....which is why shes getting bent out of shape that you arent picking things she likes....

my advice is to just tolerate her...which i know is tough...but you really are going to have to grit your teeth and smile and just say ok mom, ok mom, and go about your planning and plan what YOU WANT.

My reltaionship with my mom has suffered through this whole thing...she keeps going back to her wedding and dooes not have the kind of taste I have...she has bought things behind my back that i specifically said I dont like...we have fought....screaming and yelling...to the point where we havent spoken for 2 days...I always felt hurt...this is my wedding, why doesnt she care about what I like...doesnt she understand? Shes stressingl..why doesnt she care, etc.

In this situation, its best on how YOU react to her behavior....in the end itll make it easier on you, but i think that if you continue to talk to her, you might not get anywhere and it is going to stress yu out and frustrate you further and then you are no better off...and its difficult to do, but itll be a more peaceful experience for you in the end...mom isnt ging to change probably...but you can change ur reaction...you know?

I had to go for professional advice bc I just couldnt take my mom anymore...it got so bad...

FM me if you need to talk.

Thank You!!! LOL - I should just make that my new motto - 'BITE ME' - I'll use that!

Good Luck to You too!!

Awe I'm sorry to hear this!!! My mom is just kinda dragging her *** about getting a dress. She's thinking about having it made by someone she knows and I told her she has to get cracking but she's not really doing anything about it. My sister also just went through a hard couple of months and so my mom's been really wrapped up with that. I kinda feel like she's kinda not caring because I haven't really asked her for help (I've always been the independent one haha). I don't know it's just really stressful I want her to be involved but she stresses me out so much in general. I'm sorry that your mom isn't that interested. It's really frustrating! I think she'll come around soon! Until then, come on and talk to us!!!

I know this is hard, I have had similar problems with my mom. Unfortunately, I have just distanced myself with her a little during the planning. We are still talking and I ran the seating arrangements by her, etc. but I just can't include her in things because it makes me upset. Either she doesn't want to participate and I get upset or she offers too many opinions.

I know its hard, but for me, avoiding the drama she creates has made it easier for me to handle. I haven't had too much involvement with her other than dress shopping and that is just the way it is. Coworkers, friends, other family is really excited and I involve them in the planning.

HTH

my Mom is in Florida.....my parents aren't helping financially and since they aren't here they really arent involved with the wedding....I was a little upset about my Mom not being around to help me find my dress but otherwise its not bad at all - I think it would be worse if she was over involved.....FH and I really don't include anyone in our planning - we don't want to burden them, or bore them - and their input doesn't really matter to us I am sure your Mom is exited - she just doesn't show it they way you expect or want her too - dont let her stress you out! some people dont even have their Mom's around - so be lucky that yours is still here to share the day -thats how I try and look at it....even though my Mom is far away, im lucky she is still around, and will be there for my wedding day!

You have to make yourself happy because no one else is going to. Its weird as great as planning a wedding can be sometimes it makes me feel like I'm all alone doing everything even though I know I'm not. Pick the dresses you like and dont worry about what she wants. If I listened to FMIL (my mother is a whole other story) my BM's would be wearing long sleeve tutleneck dresses and there would be a chuppah at my church.....it goes on and on...