Wedding Shower question

I can't believe I am asking this for my mom. Am I the only one who has relatives and friends who can't keep a secret about my shower?

Since I feel like I am in on the planning (not my choice!), who gets invited to the shower? Is it ALL the females? Is it only close friends/close relatives?

I have some relatives who are being invited to the wedding just to keep family peace who I don't want to see at my shower no less my wedding.

So my question is who gets invited? Thanks again for the info!

Re: Wedding Shower question

The definite rule of thumb is don't invite people to the shower if they are not invited to the wedding. As for those invited to the wedding, don't feel obligated to invite everyone, but if you do that, I would do it with a strategy...like only women who are immediate family or close friends or something like that. Because if those couple of people get word that they were not invited to the shower and everyone else was...it could cause you much uneccesary stress!

Re: Wedding Shower question

I've been to both. they have very different atmosphere's. I personally don't like the traditional 'shower'.
It really depends on what you are looking for. The best ever was a 'shower' at a bar, with guys and gals. Everyone was asked to bring their gift wrapped in clear plastic wrap (not saran ), or not at all. The invitations requested it that way so the couple could enjoy the company of their friends. The organiser had cards to attach to the gifts with peoples names. it was more like a party than a shower.

Re: Wedding Shower question

My shower is tomorrow!!! I was involved in a lot of the planning. It is hard to cut people off the list. We invited 74 people (and I didn't even want a shower) I kept my list to my very good friends. The moms had a harder time. They invited family and my mom had several of her close friends. A lot of the family that got invited consisted of aunts and cousins. Since we couldn't exclude one cousin and invite others they all got invited.

What I noticed the cousins who are not as close with my FI (and I have never met) are not coming.
Everyone on my moms list said yes and most of my friends will be coming. All in all we had about 20 no's.

Hope that helps. Just a bit of advice. Once the list is finalized. Stay out of the responses. I found that was frustrating and that I shouldn't have felt like I had to help 'chase' people who didn't respond on time!

Re: Wedding Shower question

Jenhos did you feel funny planning your own shower? I do. I don't really like surprises but I also don't like the feeling like I am having a shower and therefore asking for gifts. I always thought it was supposed to be a surprise. I am glad to hear that you are also involved so maybe I should just relax and enjoy it.

So if I don't want to invite a distant relative who I never see I don't have to? I don't want to invite some of the women relatives who are being invited 'just because' they are somehow related. I want friends and close people there. Does it seem ok to leave the others out? They really don't care about me or my best interest so I would rather leave their bad vibes out!

Thanks for letting me vent and ask my questions!

Re: Wedding Shower question

I did feel a little funny but my mom needed the help and I guess my wedding party isn't that involved.

Don't invite people just because. I find that a lot of people don't really want to be invited and even if they say no they are obligated to send a gift. So invite people you know want to be there. Everyone else can wish you well at the wedding.

Re: Wedding Shower question

I won't be involved in my planning, but the BP wants a list from me of names, phone #s and addresses. I'm only giving them a list of close friends, close cousins, and FH's mom.
Plus, I'm trying to be considerate of the costs. The more I invite, the more they have to spend on me.

Re: Wedding Shower question

lizlen2003
My BP is doing the same - they just want names of 'closest relatives and fiends'. TG my FMIL kept her list short.

Re: Wedding Shower question

That is sweet of you to let her have a list.
I am not allowing her to bring anyone. Well, maybe just one guest. Is that mean? I don't want people I don't know at my shower.
Brides, please tell me if this is unreasonable before I set it in stone.

Re: Wedding Shower question

My shower is an ongoing joke between my mother and I because she wants it to be a secret, but of course I know I am having one. As far as who she's inviting, I can tell you it will only be close (female) family and friends (on my mother's side). I have alot of cousins who I am inviting to the wedding but will not be invited to the shower because they are on my father's side and we don't really talk.

Re: Wedding Shower question

Liz- I think you should let her invite people. Technically it is a shower for you but in reality it is a shower for both of you. The gifts you get are for both of you. Your FI close ralitives and his moms friends should have the chance to wish you well.

That is just my opinion but I know my FMIL and my FI aunts, godmom and cousins would have been hurt if they were not invited

Re: Wedding Shower question

I understand Jenhos, but let me ask, so even though I don't know them???
FH is not super close to any of them, so I may have them once or twice in 5 years, and can't even remember names.
I just feel like if FMIL invites all these people I'll have so many strangers at my shower.
And it's not a Jack& Jill either, I think I will feel funny. I'll have to see what FH thinks about it.

Re: Wedding Shower question

What about the wives of some of my FH's friends? I have met them a few times at different things and they are invited to the wedding of course with their husbands. Do they get invited?

Re: Wedding Shower question

I will know some but there are people who I will not know. Which I agree is a little strange. But think of it this way there will be strangers at your wedding as well.

My FMIL thought these people were important to be on the list. Since my parents are paying for the entire shower she kept her list to the minimum.
I would talk to your FI and FMIL and express your concerns and if she really wants to have people there tell her to invite ones that are close with her and your FI family.

Re: Wedding Shower question

We invited FH's friends wives. They also invited me to theirs before they were married.

Re: Wedding Shower question

Thanks Jen for clarifying that for me. I will talk to him about it. Most of my BP is from out of town, and the expense will be big, so if he explains that to her, and she keeps it at a minimum, then I won't mind too much.

I am inviting FH's friends' wives/girlfriends b/c I know them all, we always hang out together as couples.