weddings bring out the worst....

i came home monday to this letter from MY MOM'S FRIEND. I was trying to 'let it go' but am still fuming about it. as background, my mom is a devote catholic and i'm agnostic (fi is atheist). her and i had several heated discussions about me not getting married in a church, but, as far as i know, she's now ok with it (or dealing with it!). anyhow, prior to the below letter, my mom's friend sent me a mass card saying she was praying for my soul and another time she sent me rosary beads. i have no problem with her beliefs - to each his own, i say - but i do have a problem with her pushing them on me...especially since i never talk to her, she knows i don't agree with her/my mother's beliefts, and the topic of religion has never come up in any shape or form with her. i have no idea how to handle this situation... i don't know if i should let it go like i did with the other two letters or if i need to do something about it so that i don't continue to receive these mailings from her. any suggestions would be welcome.

'There’s no doubt about it. You have everything. He gave you everything from the first moment when He breathed a soul into that fertilized egg in your mother’s womb and added all the other characteristics of a healthy body, potential for physical beauty, sharp mental aptitude, outgoingness and zest for living. His other great gift of free will was given to you then. You have it all.
He also gave you the grace to be born into a family where the holy sacrament of baptism would be given to you. That sacrament brought you into the Church and you became a “Child of God.” No light matter, that! Once in, you’re in forever – faithful or unfaithful, loving it or hating it – you are a daughter of the Church and a Child of God. And why did He call you, of all people in the world? Why did He give you all those abilities and good looks and attractive nature? I don’t have to tell you. You probably already know it – because He loves you, He’s crazy about you and nothing you do or say will ever change that.
You know, we all go through periods in our lives when we turn our backs on Him and on His Church. We say, “Hey, nobody is telling me what to do!” Sooner or later (maybe 10, 20, 50 years) He picks us up, brushes us off, kisses us again and again, rejuvenates our soles and leads us back to Himself. What does He want for us? Heaven –happiness with Him for all eternity. Why did He give us His Church? Simply to show us the way to Him.
That’s why I’m begging you, with tears and supplications, to come back to the Heart of Jesus. He loves you so much. Don’t turn your back on Him by marrying outside the Church. All the blessings and joy He wants to give you, if only you will let Him.
Sincerely and with affection,
XXXX'

WOW!!! My family is very Catholic too but that is over the top! She has a lot of nerve sending you something like that. If she feels you are doing such an evil thing, maybe she shouldn't be attending your wedding. I would definitely respond to her by saying, 'I appreciate your concern for me but, like you clearly said, I have my own free will. This is what my decision is and I ask that you respect that. Please stop sending me cards, etc.'.

What did your mom say about that letter? That is just bizarre!

That's so heinous, I am so sorry for you having to deal with that.



People who prostelytise think they're helping and they have no idea how disrespectful they are, just remember that. It makes it a little less hurtful.

fi made executive decision that she's off the invite list.

i haven't told my mom yet. i needed to calm down a bit first. i'm seeing her tonite and will mention it then. do you think it makes sense for me to tell her she needs to tell this woman to back off, in addition to me sending her a note on my own?

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Posted by PrincessRose

People who prostelytise think they're helping and they have no idea how disrespectful they are, just remember that. It makes it a little less hurtful.

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yeah, i'm trying my best to remember that. it's hard though!

That's CRAZY! I'm agnostic too and that kinda letter would make me wonder what kinda woman this person is.

I mean it's ok to have your beliefs but dno't try to force it on others! Dont they know that's what's happening in the bible belt countries? Religion is a major cause of war and strife between different religious groups!

What's the purpose of religion anyway? Does it make you a better person? Is she trying to say you're 'bad' cus you dont accept the lord? Who is she to judge?

I say just ignore her, or better yet, save the letters in a black box to have as proof of what a looney she is.

wow....i mean...um....WOW

honestly, you really had to laugh at this. i mean she truly believes that by reading that letter you are gonna run to a church, make confession and pray for forgiveness. HAHAHA!!

i too was raised roman catholic--but now i'm agnostic. one of my devout cousins called me and told me that i wouldn't receive God's blessing, cause we're marrying at the hall by a non-denominational minister. i told her politely that the blessing of my friends and family is enough.

i think you should respond to this woman and simply say 'While I appreciate your concern over me, please understand that I am fine in my decisions, and have no plans in changing anything. I ask that you please keep this prayers and notions to yourself in the future, as I do not feel they are appropriate to address to me. Please respect my personal choices, as I respect yours. If you absolutely feel you can not, then I do not feel comfortable involving you in my life or wedding.'

OH!!! i forgot the best of it!!! my sister got married in May...in a church. When she came home from her honeymoon she discovered the woman had gotten her and her husband a subscription to some pro-life magazine!!! my sister was like, 'whoa, i got married in a church...how presumputuous are you?'

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Posted by eden

I say just ignore her, or better yet, save the letters in a black box to have as proof of what a looney she is.

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Posted by metmymatch

fi made executive decision that she's off the invite list.

i haven't told my mom yet. i needed to calm down a bit first. i'm seeing her tonite and will mention it then. do you think it makes sense for me to tell her she needs to tell this woman to back off, in addition to me sending her a note on my own?

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Yeah, tell your mom the reason for not inviting her, how flat out offended and insulted you and FH are and that she needs to say something to her friend about her inappropriateness. I would also let my mother know (if this was me) that I will be sending her a note to share my feelings on the topic with her just to give a heads up to mom.

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Posted by metmymatch

OH!!! i forgot the best of it!!! my sister got married in May...in a church. When she came home from her honeymoon she discovered the woman had gotten her and her husband a subscription to some pro-life magazine!!! my sister was like, 'whoa, i got married in a church...how presumputuous are you?'

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just curious--is this woman single? lol i feel like she's got a looooot of time on her hands. forget feeling Jesus...she needs to get laid

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Posted by MJDoc12

i think you should respond to this woman and simply say 'While I appreciate your concern over me, please understand that I am fine in my decisions, and have no plans in changing anything. I ask that you please keep this prayers and notions to yourself in the future, as I do not feel they are appropriate to address to me. Please respect my personal choices, as I respect yours. If you absolutely feel you can not, then I do not feel comfortable involving you in my life or wedding.'

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ooo, that's good. this is what i just threw together:

'with all do respect, please stop contacting me about your beliefs, my beliefs and information on your religion. I find these communications offensive and harassing. They are unwaranted as I have not asked for your opinion or engaged in communications with you about these topics.'

but maybe that's too harsh?

Now THAT takes [email protected] people

, how dare she say anything like that to you...so much for 'judge not....'

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by metmymatch

OH!!! i forgot the best of it!!! my sister got married in May...in a church. When she came home from her honeymoon she discovered the woman had gotten her and her husband a subscription to some pro-life magazine!!! my sister was like, 'whoa, i got married in a church...how presumputuous are you?'

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just curious--is this woman single? lol i feel like she's got a looooot of time on her hands. forget feeling Jesus...she needs to get laid

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perfect !!!

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Posted by MJDoc12

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Posted by metmymatch

OH!!! i forgot the best of it!!! my sister got married in May...in a church. When she came home from her honeymoon she discovered the woman had gotten her and her husband a subscription to some pro-life magazine!!! my sister was like, 'whoa, i got married in a church...how presumputuous are you?'

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just curious--is this woman single? lol i feel like she's got a looooot of time on her hands. forget feeling Jesus...she needs to get laid

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she's married. but she's older - i think in her late 60's or early 70's and doesn't work. ironically, her daughter ran off to the middle of nowhere with her husband and kids because they felt society had a negative influence on their religious/spiritual upbringing. so, yeah, this woman has tooo much time on her hands!

I'd tread carefully with Mom, make sure she knows that you and your FH are insulted and don't want to include someone in your wedding day who is already dissapointed in your decisions.

Then I'd send her letter back to her with a short, to-the-point note telling her that God is not forcing Himself upon you, so she shouldn't either. And that any other letters you receive will be unopened and returned to sender.

I dealt with this too, as we did not marry in a church and chose not to make that a central theme to our commitment to each other. But at least our parents accepted that. Or kept their mouths shut about it.

My family is very religious. I am one of seven children (all girls) and am not getting married in a church. My mother (who runs the church feast and RCIA as well as teaching CCD) had to speak with her best friend who participates in all the same activities as well as being the administrator for the catholic school I attended.

I thought my mom would be very upset with me about not getting married in a church but instead she got mad at the church. Being married in a church is a diocese decision not one that the Pope states.

So anyway, my mother's friend told her that we wouldn't be saved..... and my mom asked her to show her where in the bible it states that one must be married in a church. Additionally she asked her to show where Jesus said that all non Church deamed weddings and bad?

It shut up the guest very quickly. I am very Proud of my mom and love her for loving us enough to accept our choice.

My suggestion would be to send a note to this woman stating very clearly that her views of your lifestyle are not very Christian. I would also say if God could accept the world he created as a place of free will and love then why is she trying so hard to work against his teachings of acceptance.