What do I do?

I just mentioned to my FH about memory candles, asking him how we should spell his dad's name on the candle, and he got all upset. He doesn't want to do this. I was planning on doing one for my grandmother and one for his dad. I really wanted to do it for my grandmother, but he really hasn't dealt with his father's death, which was 10 years ago. He doesn't open up to anyone about it - and doesn't want to light a candle the day of.

how on earth can I now light a candle for my grandmother, and ignore his dad? At the same time, I do not want my FH to be upset on our wedding day... he really does have issues with his dad's death that we all wish he would go speak to someone about.

i feel like even lighting a candle 'In Memory of those we have lost' will be too much. Obviously, the candle thing has to go out the window... I just really wanted to do it for my grandmother.

But what about the Prayer of the Faithful? We have to mention his dad then...

i would respect his wishes - as someone who has lost a parent , i really dont want to do a memory candle or mention it during the prayer of the faithful - it will be too sad. I think im just going to write it into the programs.

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Posted by Meaghan729

i would respect his wishes - as someone who has lost a parent , i really dont want to do a memory candle or mention it during the prayer of the faithful - it will be too sad. I think im just going to write it into the programs.

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so would we just say during the Prayer of the Faithful,

'In Memory of those close to us who we have lost throughout the years'?

I just feel so guilty that I'm not mentioning my Grandmother, who was my Godmother!

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Posted by Meaghan729

i would respect his wishes - as someone who has lost a parent , i really dont want to do a memory candle or mention it during the prayer of the faithful - it will be too sad. I think im just going to write it into the programs.

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we're listing those we have lost in the program too, we didn't want to upset anyone

It's a tough one bc I lost my grandma and I would want to honor her too. I've been trying to find a way to say this without it comming off mean bc it's not meant to be that way- I don't understand why you have to not honor your Grandma bc he can't deal with his issues? His dad was someone he loved dearly and your Grandma is someone who you loved dearly. There needs to be some sort of compromise. Don't get me wrong- i'm understanding his position as are you but it seems that his grief is not letting him understand your position.

Here is something you can do Sarah- have a table setting made in honor of your grandmother and put a rose across the plate.

It's a tough one but I think that everyone has been tiptoeing around you FH's feelings for the past 10 years and he dosen't want to deal with them at all so why should you have to suffer for it? Like I said- not being mean - it's just hard to put something like that into words. Good Luck with this issue.