What do you think?

iso sorry you feel this way......forst off your FH parents have to realize NY is ALOT different then everywhere else as far as weddings. I have done all the planning myself as well FH is hardly involved....i think its like that with most couples. Talk to him about it maybe it will help
!
Good luck

well if you wish sometimes you two can contribute to the wedding, why dont you? And i am sorry you are going through this, but dont get mad at his parents for not contributing, it'd be nice but nobody is obligated to do so. Honestly, be GLAD that your parents are paying for your whole wedding. Its not cheap and its not easy paying for alot of it yourself. So you dont realize what a huge weight you have lifted off your shoulders. Although the problem is when someone else pays they do get involved so this causes problems too.

seems like its cold feet, i dont see a big problem between you two. But if you are not ready then talk to him and talk about the relationship. Just bc youve been together 4 years doesnt mean you have to get married. Maybe get away from everything for a weekend just the two of you and remember again why you two wanted to marry eachother in the first place...Sometimes theres so much drama going around that you lose sight of that

i can't offer any advice .. i have the jitters and things i say might not come out right ... i am here supporting you tho ... stay tough ...

I think first you should speak to FH & see how he feels.... If you want to contribute $$ (you & FH) than do so! Even if it's just paying for the HM, rings, etc. FH & I are paying for EVERYTHING and my FH is VERY involved... You are right it's b/c we're making all of the decisions... Also, you both are young and if you don't feel 100% like this is 'the one' .... I would hold off & think long & hard. Better to do so now- than a few years down the road end in divorce (that's how I feel). I know when I was 23/ I was in a totally different position than I am now- and 5 years later to be with someone I know I can't live without and feel so blessed to have met- makes the future so exciting & so reassuring.....

Good Luck & I hope everything works out for you!!!

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Posted by Espo22

well if you wish sometimes you two can contribute to the wedding, why dont you? And i am sorry you are going through this, but dont get mad at his parents for not contributing, it'd be nice but nobody is obligated to do so. Honestly, be GLAD that your parents are paying for your whole wedding. Its not cheap and its not easy paying for alot of it yourself. So you dont realize what a huge weight you have lifted off your shoulders. Although the problem is when someone else pays they do get involved so this causes problems too.

seems like its cold feet, i dont see a big problem between you two. But if you are not ready then talk to him and talk about the relationship. Just bc youve been together 4 years doesnt mean you have to get married. Maybe get away from everything for a weekend just the two of you and remember again why you two wanted to marry eachother in the first place...Sometimes theres so much drama going around that you lose sight of that

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Thank you Esp,

We are paying for some smaller parts like rings, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, but we would have waited another year if we were going to pay for a large chunk of it ourselves, and we wouldn't have invited nearly as many people. My parents added a lot of people to the guest list because they are paying (my mom is a teacher and has a lot of co-workers, and a lot of my dad's work buddies + lots of extended family I don't really know) so we can't really afford to pay for this many people. We're saving for a house and don't really make that much money. I wish we could afford to pay for the entire thing ourselves

I've often had similar thoughts: 'I'm only 24 and I'm getting married. What am I thinking?'

Then I remember the person that sleeps next to me every night and I know why. I don't think there is another person in the world who could get me like he does. It's nice to daydream about 'the grass being greener . . .' It's not.

I don't like to mention this often, mainly because it makes me look like a jerk and a whore, but I've cheated on every single boyfriend I've ever had . . . except my fiance. I've had no desire to. Ever. I'm very happy. He doesn't bore me. He doesn't cheat on me either (all of mine did). He respects me.

I also understand how you feel about your parents paying. The only thing I'm paying for with my fiance is our rings and our honeymoon. My parents are footing the bill for everything else. My FMIL has done NOTHING to help us. It was like pulling teeth to even get her to go see the place. I booked my own Rehearsal Dinner and I think my FH and I are going to pay for that because she probably can't afford it.

I understand that she does not have much money. She can barely pay the 2nd mortgage on her house (which is actually in my FH name because her credit is sh i t). I get angry with her all the time and my FH because he puts up with her. Yet, in the end, I still love who he is.

Onto the more personal issue . . . go see your OBGYN and discuss the issues. It might be something with your own body. There are some women who have a low drive in the 1st place. It might be the pill. You have until September to try something new. I use the Nuva Ring and I love it. I have a lot of issues with the chemical make-up of many pills (they interfere with my anxiety medication, so I cannot take them). Plus, more importantly, you should talk to your FH about it. Try different positions. Try toys. Try role playing. Try anything that sparks your fancy. You need to be open with him, especially if he is THE ONE.

Damn . . . I write too much.

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Posted by Espo22

well if you wish sometimes you two can contribute to the wedding, why dont you? And i am sorry you are going through this, but dont get mad at his parents for not contributing, it'd be nice but nobody is obligated to do so. Honestly, be GLAD that your parents are paying for your whole wedding. Its not cheap and its not easy paying for alot of it yourself. So you dont realize what a huge weight you have lifted off your shoulders. Although the problem is when someone else pays they do get involved so this causes problems too.

seems like its cold feet, i dont see a big problem between you two. But if you are not ready then talk to him and talk about the relationship. Just bc youve been together 4 years doesnt mean you have to get married. Maybe get away from everything for a weekend just the two of you and remember again why you two wanted to marry eachother in the first place...Sometimes theres so much drama going around that you lose sight of that

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I agree. FHs parents are giving us a HM, and thats it. I am so greatful that my parents are helping.

I wouldnt worry about FH's involment wth the planning and not seeming too eager....MY FH puts his imput in at somethings, but some stuff he just doesnt care...alot of guys are like that. But, I did havet o tell thim that I need help putting things together, shopping and making phonecall and she stepped up, bc i was super stressed....but i dont expect him to be a 50/50 planner with me or be so excited about the plannig process. He always tells me hes excited and looking forward to the day, but the only important thing is that I am going to be his wife...and it can be in a dirt field dressed in potato sacks....it doesnt matter bc i am the love of his life..

Remember too, he asked you to marry him! He could be nervous, or scared or have the jitters. FH confided in me that he was scared to death for almost the first full year of our engagement! I personally thought i was the only one having all these emotional issues planning a wedding, and i was dead wrong...he was going thru things too. We needed to communicate better and when we did alot of the bs went away. Things got a ton better!

Ok first off I am 22 and will be 23 by the time I am married. So don't let anyone tell you that you are too young. It has nothing to do with age (love). And I completely understand. At first I was nervous thinking OMG I will only be 23 when I get married. I love knowing that I am younger when I get married I always wanted it to be that way. But I also was very nervous at first.

My FH and I are paying for our wedding ourselves so we don't have any problems with parents thinking they can choose something or what have you. But I think maybe could you and your Fh contribute a little if finances allow to maybe let yourselves feel better about planning and more involved in it! It is Both of your wedding!!!!

Also....if you feel your FH is the one there is no reason to go out and have sex with other men to know that. I feel that is a cop out! It is immature people who say things like that!! So dont let anyone influence your feelings like that.

Now onto the pill-- I was on the patch and loved it but there were health issues related to it. So i went on the pill. At first I felt I had a low libido as well But realized it was just because I never have sex haha (FH is in the Marines and not stationed in NY). Plus I think the pill effected me a little. But I am comfotable on it. So I say maybe talk to you doctor and see if they can recommend another pill you still have time till your wedding if you try a new one now. I heard Loestrin FE is awesome. I am on YAZ and I love it now. Had to get used to it but only took 3 months. And about getting an O. Well not every girl gets one. I had a college roommate who never had one. But I think there are ways to work at it because I know she is with her soulmate now and has had several now. But she went to her doctor and talked to her about it. Maybe that is what you can do!!! Good Luck!!!!

i agree with the others. sometimes I'll be like OMG i'm getting married, then I'll stop and think of my life without him and I freak out and get totally anxious and sad. If you have serious doubts, that's one thing, but at the end of the day all that matters is that you know he's the right one.

and as far as being invested, my fh and i are paying for EVERYTHING and it still doesn't make him interested in planning and it's still pulling teeth to get him to go somewhere with me. the only thing we did together was book the RH. I've done everything else without him (talking to him about it first, of course). I can't expect him to be super excited about wedding planning since i'm not either - girls that have guys that do everything with them are very lucky, but most guys don't want to plan a wedding.

definitely talk to your doc. I second nuvaring - pills gave me stomach issues.

I can definitely see where you are coming from but I think it is due more to wedding jitters then to an actual problem. Unfortunately the closer you get to the wedding the more the tension increases (at least for myself).
Speak to FH, go out to dinner and just get everything out in the open, your fears, exitement, hopes etc. Try to sacrifice and maybe you guys and pay for 1/4 of the total wedding costs in which it will make him feel more involved and also more of 'its our wedding' versus 'her wedding'.
Take a deep breath and relax and look at the bigger picture, if besides planning the wedding you can see yourself waking up to him the rest of your life you have nothing to worry about.

I wrote a long reply and it logged me out.

In short -- I love Mike very much and cant imagine my life without him. He just keeps telling me 'whatever I want' with the wedding planning but maybe it's just not his thing. he was only interested in picking our music and the food tasting.

As for the O, we were each eachothers firsts and arent very experienced. Loestrin was the pill i siwtched to but it gave me headaches so maybe i should try yaz. I'm scared of the ring.

I'm trying not to be resentful of his parents. At least they are supportive of us.

thank you everyone

you are not too young..im 22 and will be 22 when i get married ( 3 more weeks )

i turn 23 in april..FH is 25 and will turn 26 in july and weve gotten that whole thing before too

you just know..i would talk to Fh before you go any further

a lot of people do think its 'tradition' for brides family to pay...but its 2008..nothing really follows tradition anymore

and hes a boy..hes not supposed to be that into wedding planning..

I am in the same situation as you with my FH's parents. I was very hurt and upset at first, but I will never be able to change the way they think. They finally started talking about a Rehearsal dinner. I'm sorry you feel so alone, and your FH needs to understand where you are coming from! My FSIL told me to think of it like this, your parents are giving you the BEST day of your life! So thank your parents! Your FH's parents never gave you the best day of your life. That has helped me get through this. FH and I are paying for a lot of our wedding, but my single mother is paying for over half of it, after she helped us get our Co-op, when FH's parents refused to help with that.

As far as your other issue is concerned, you NEED to talk to your FH. You need to let him know your concern, maybe see a sex therapist, or Dr. on how you can get more into it. I work for Penthouse Magazine, if you need some porn, let me know. lol

I hope you feel better soon. Its a huge commitment and you really want to be sure! Just so you know, there are a lot of women out there in the same boat, in both of your issues. Good luck!

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Posted by Espo22

well if you wish sometimes you two can contribute to the wedding, why dont you? And i am sorry you are going through this, but dont get mad at his parents for not contributing, it'd be nice but nobody is obligated to do so. Honestly, be GLAD that your parents are paying for your whole wedding. Its not cheap and its not easy paying for alot of it yourself. So you dont realize what a huge weight you have lifted off your shoulders. Although the problem is when someone else pays they do get involved so this causes problems too.

seems like its cold feet, i dont see a big problem between you two. But if you are not ready then talk to him and talk about the relationship. Just bc youve been together 4 years doesnt mean you have to get married. Maybe get away from everything for a weekend just the two of you and remember again why you two wanted to marry eachother in the first place...Sometimes theres so much drama going around that you lose sight of that

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I agree denise! I mean it's 2008 alot of traditions changed!! My FH jokes around saying oh why isn't your parents paying for our wedding- well he knows there are 6 kids in my family and 3 of them are girls plus he helped pay for my undergrad degree which i am sooo grateful for!!! They did pay for my wedding dress but I never once expected them to pay for my wedding it is our day not theirs why should they have to if they dont have the money . but you seem very grateful that your parents are paying for your wedding!!! but dont let it get to you that his parents aren't paying. like denise said yuo cant expect people to pay for things that you want! so just be thankful that they are supportive, that will go a long way!! believe me i am just thankful FH's parents are supportive and enjoy hearing about the wedding well sometimes haha

i would suggest counseling - i know that sounds clichy but it can be the best place to sort out what your feeling.

You might want to go alone at first to talk about all the things your feeling -- and then add in your FH. Honestly i dont think anything bad has ever come of counseling - you dont have to be having 'major problems' to go to counseling.

Obviously im a big advocate of it. I wish i would have done it when i was 23 and getting married the first time. I think i was scared that deep down i would realize that i shouldnt marry that person.

Good luck no matter what you do!

I think the age thing really depends on the person. I personally am in my late 30s and am getting married for the first time. I'm glad I waited, because it was right for me. However, my sister got married at 23 and has been happily married for 13 years. So there really is no 'right' age, just whatever age you feel you are ready.

Def. talk to your doctor, maybe you need a different birth control. I know that can have an effect. Plus I understand that a lot of women cant have the big 'O', so its not necessarily anything that is wrong with you. And I must say, nothing against you twentysomething ladies, but after 30 it becomes SO MUCH better!

Paying for a wedding is tough, but realize that the wedding is only ONE DAY, and in the long run it really is irrelevant who pays for the wedding. If you are having 'cold feet' its something you need to figure out for yourself....but who is paying for the wedding should't be the deciding factor on what you decide.

Good luck.