What do you think?

do you ad Fh talk about sex? do you guide each other in anyway? You may not be having an O because you are not telling him what he needs to do to give you one. Many woman have a hard time having an O missionary... and they take it into their own hands and how do i say.. go on top and get the job done that way. But if you dont communicate about sex and what you like/dislike then you both are going to keep doing it how you are and no one is enjoying it.

in regards to everything else.. you and Fh should sit down and talk about it... if you cant then honesly maybe you shouldnt be together. you are getting married.. you need to be able to go to him and discuss how you are feeling and how to reslove it

' I work for Penthouse Magazine, if you need some porn, let me know. ' - Leslie, that is one cool offer !!!

I'm sorry you are going through this. At first read it sounds like cold feet, but to be honest only you can know if it's more serious then that. Sometimes we have to listen to our inner selves instead of quieting it.
My FH is the only guy i've 'been with' also. I have never felt that I needed to be with anyone else. It's one thing to look at other people, b ut if you have a desire to be with another man tha tis also something you should consider. Marraige doesn't change anything in that respect.
I think everyone has cold feet at some point. It's a huge decision, but don't go into something you are unsure of. It's better to realize it now. I had a friend who called off her wedding right before the invites went out. She said she couldnt' stand to put them in the mail. She knew it was a sign and luckily she took notice and called it off. She said she is happier for it. I'm not saying that is you at all. Just think things through...

In answer to your actual post - I think what you have is a case of cold feet. Everybody gets them. If you feel like your FH isnt participating in the planning, tell him you want him to be more proactive. Many guys think that they need to just sit back, shut up and show up. Alot of men do not understand that we want them to be involved and want their imput (how and if we use it is an entirely different story).

In regard to your bedroom problem, I think you should tell your gynocologist about your low drive. And then I would definetly tell your FH. Hon, no girl should go without the O.

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Posted by jgl

do you ad Fh talk about sex? do you guide each other in anyway? You may not be having an O because you are not telling him what he needs to do to give you one. Many woman have a hard time having an O missionary... and they take it into their own hands and how do i say.. go on top and get the job done that way. But if you dont communicate about sex and what you like/dislike then you both are going to keep doing it how you are and no one is enjoying it.

in regards to everything else.. you and Fh should sit down and talk about it... if you cant then honesly maybe you shouldnt be together. you are getting married.. you need to be able to go to him and discuss how you are feeling and how to reslove it

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i agree. you need to talk about sex with him and show him what feels good and what you like -thats what i do - whenever FH does something that i like i make sure i tell him that i like whatever it is that he is doing - we actually have this joke that i am bossy but in all seriousness you have to feel comfortable talking about it and expressing how you feel. FH and I both tell eachother what feels good, what doesnt, what we like, dont like, etc. These days I don't have to tell him what to do - because now he knows what I like - but for now you might have to guide him until he learns what pleases you....not to be weird, but maybe if you do it yourself you can have an O - you might have to learn what you like and then it will be easier for you to guide your FH.....

Wow, can I just say that you and me sound almost exactly the same? lol.... I've known my FH for almost 4 years, FH and I are both 23, my parents are paying for the entire wedding as well, and I hate it that FH doesn't care much to be involved... though I attribute it to the fact that guys just don't like wedding planning, and try to think of it as a blessing that I can do everything my way, lol.

As far as the libido thing, I've had problems with that when I'm also anxious and worried about things. I notice it gets worse when I'm more anxious. Like if I'm panicked about school or wedding stuff or something else I just can't do it. Maybe it's because you feel you're getting cold feet and you can't enjoy sex as much? Even so, if you think it is the pill... there are so many options as far as different pills available, so definately talk to your doctor! There's even other options besides the pill if you still want contraception and the side effects are too much for you.

And I can also say that FH and I are soooo extremely stressed out lately that we've been fighting alot more than usual. There are times that I question whether or not we will even last long and if all this wedding trouble is worth it... I don't know if that's really cold feet, but it's somewhat similar to your situation. But you really have to sit back and think about your future. Can you see it without your FH? That's what always makes me realize it's right. My FH is my best friend, my one true love. Yeah there's times we can't stand each other, but I can't possibly see my life without him, and wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else.

I hope this helps you, let me know if need to talk, and we are all here for you!

don't throw away everything you have together without first finding the cause of your sadness. Emotions are very powerful.

Write down how you are feeling, talk to someone you trust and who knows you very well. It would be best if the person is non judgemental.

You have enough time to find out if this is right.
becareful what you say to parents and FH, no need to sound the alarm just yet, and do some soul searching.

You have found love very young and you are very blessed. Know that things change, and people change but when you love someone you make allowances for that!

good luck and keep us posted!

Awww. Im sorry you feel this way.. I used to have similar problems on the pill and sometimes still do .. I think girls in general have low sex drive and often are too sidetracked and since you are doing all the planning ofcouse ther is no time to do anything else.. i am in the same boat,. FH doesn't want to do any of the planning excvept for the DJ and HM.. Yeah the fun stuff for him but not the borng time consuming things I do. i am a full tiem teacher and full time grad student in a very intense Speech Pathology program.. and planning the wedding. therefor I have no time od anything after I am done doing papers( I just finished one liek 2 seconds ago).... But what I am basically saying, I think in order to have a sex drive you need to first notice that you don't. which you already did.. defiently try some toys to help you get the O.. FM me if you want more info LOL I know it sound sfunny but it's true.. As for feeling guilty about your parents paying for everyhting.. well

My FH and I are basically paying for everyhing ourselves and it is really stressfull. so What I would suggest would be to give your parents some money if any that you can afford to contribute to your wedding.. and ask FH to do so as well.. after all it is you two who decided to get engaged and the burden of having to pay for that big event on your own is hefty.. beleive me! Every one of my pay checks goes to the wedding and I am having trouble paying for the regular bills.. so just consider possibly helping them in any way that you can! Hope that helps and Fm me if you want more details! Kim

I can understand where you are comng from. My DH and I met when we were 18 years old and dated for 7 years before we got married. We were each others 'Firsts' and I have neer been with anyone else. I was on the pill for a long time, before I was even sexually active, and I never thought I had a sex drive. I decided to come off of it for various reasons, including the lack of libido and we use other methods.

I never had 'doubts' about marrying him as a person but I always wondered what it would be like to be with someone else and if I was missing out. I figure I'm lucky to have me the person I want to marry at such an early age and didn't have to search for him for a while. Most people go thorugh multiple relationships before finding their partner. So I feel blessed that I have only been with one man and I can call him my husband.

As for the money part of wedding planning. I realized that planning a wedding, while it is suppose to be a joyous occasion, is actually cruel and difficult. You learn a lot of hard lessons about life, people, families and yourself in the process. While at the end you learn many valuable lessons and learn who your true friends are and the true colors of family and loved ones and this will make you stronger, it is a difficult process to go through. I called it the hazing period for a woman to go through to transition from a girl, teenager, chick or whatever you call it to womanhood.

I can understand your frustrations and while I can't give you an answer that will make everythign better I can tell you to take as much out of this experience as you can. Their will be days when you are happy, elated, overjoyed and days when you are sad, deppressed and angered! Take what you can from the experience and let it help you learn to deal with tough life situations. Let your 'heart' be your guide and if something doesn't feel right step back clear your mind and think about it; weigh the pros and cons and try to make a decision that feels good.

I hope that you can find joy in planning your wedding and that you don't find many days filled with despair or frustration but when you do that you grasp it and become stronger from it!


Maria

Hey ,
I am sorry that you are having these thought and I think that it is a good thing that you are posting it and not pretending to be okay.

I had a cousin who once pretended things were okay and before she knew it it was to late.

As for the financial aspect... i would hope that his family along with FH are thankful for your parents. HOw do your parents feel about paying for everything ? If they are okay with it, I would just talk with fh about the way you feel.

I can totally agree with you with the low labido when it comes to stressful situations... so i think talking to your doctor would be the best decision there. Good Luck with everything

I think if you have cold feet you need to figure out why you have them and not just let them go bc sometimes it can be over silly things and others really bc you feel something isn't right