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What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Audreygirl Posted:

What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I don't really know what to make of this or even if I should make anything at all out of it.

One of my bridesmaids did not give me a gift or even a card for the wedding. On the day of the wedding she said that her brother, who was her guest, forgot to bring the card and check on that day and that she would send it to me. It's been almost a month and I haven't gotten anything. I've spoken to her a few times since and she hasn't mentioned anything and neither have I.

I know she is not in a financially tight situation or anything and I'm not sure about bringing it up, money is such a sensitive subject. But she is the kind who likes to whine all the time about nothing at all.

Any ideas/ experiences? It's not about the money, but she did mention she intended to give us something. And if so, she hasn't even sent a card yet.
hmv12 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I think that a CARD at the least would have been nice.. I have girls in my party that are financially in trouble, I don't expect hundreds, I do expect a card.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

our best man didn't give us a card or gift either. DH was upset (and still is) but what can you do?

Just forget about it. If she gives you a card at some point, great, and if not then oh well. Its not worth dwelling over.
MandG072909 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Hmmm.. yeah I would think if she said she had a card she meant it or else why bother to say it? Actually of all my BMs only one gave us our card at the actual wedding...everyone else sent it later...maybe she forgot....you can send her a TY card saying thanks for being there and maybe it will jog her memory and if you still don't get anything then you have your answer...

Audreygirl Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

great - thanks for the replies. i'll see if sending the ty card will jog her memory, like you mentioned.

Kerrycec Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I wouldn't bring it up but can another one of your mutal friends bring it up? That's what I would do

Smiles111 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

it hasn't been that long since your wedding. she may still send it. Unless you think she is the type to just feed you a line?

otherwise, she probably just hasn't gotten to it yet.
Audreygirl Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Posted by Smiles111

it hasn't been that long since your wedding. she may still send it. Unless you think she is the type to just feed you a line?



yes - i would think this is more likely - she is the type to just feed me a line.
Julybride08 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

My FH bestman didn't give us anything for our engagment party. And he was 2 hrs late too. His parents and mine are really upset about it all. But I said oh well. I hope he's not late to our wedding...lol

kflan75 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

there is some random etiquette rule of ' you have a year to send your gift'... personally-- I think it stinks-- and is a cop out... I am so surprised by the lack of effort and respect somepeople have had ( after our wedding) but i truly believe Karma is a biotch and it'll come back to bite her *** in the future... To be quite hionest I think a TY is a waste of time- however it is appropriate. If you really want to say something-- say it. At this point if you are already harboring negative feelings toward her for not giving a gift-- you owe it to yourself to find out why.

NovemberBride06 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I think if you can let it go, you should. I had 2 BMs not give me a card or say anything about it. I was a little annoyed at first but realized that the important thing is that they were there for me on my wedding day. If it still bothers you over time and you feel it will affect your friendship with them, then you should say something.

MellyAngel Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Very difficult call...I was a BM and in a financial bind..I spoke to the bride about it at the time and told her that I could not give her a gift...but since my boyfriend came to the wedding as well, we gave her a gift on his behalf that both of our names were on...she wasn't thrilled, but I didn't NOT give her anything. If she is a good friend, just let it go....

Mooshyboo Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I probably wouldnt bring it up & to me it wouldnt be so much the $ or a gift (I am not a huge gift receiver) ~ I am a huge card person and probably would be upset if I didnt receive a card (with a gift or no gift)
angnick Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

if she is a bm- u are supposed to be comfortable with her, cant you just say- hey girl, did u give me a card at the wedding and i just didnt get it??

that is what i would do, i have a very open relationship with my girflriends..
kateretak2 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Ditto what was just said. She was your BM, someone closest to you, so just say something like, 'you had mentioned you were mailing a card but I never received it'. Also if the girl is not from NY she may have a different idea in regards to gift etiquette.

Bridex100 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I was only a BM once. I gave a card and cash gift at the wedding but I wanted to cover my plate. I did feel that I had already spent a lot of money up to that point. (bm dress, shower costs, bachelorette party costs, bridal shower gift, etc.)

if she gave you something at the bridal shower, maybe she thinks it's not necessary to give you a wedding present?

that doesn't excuse her telling you that her brother 'forgot' the card though.

i would just let it go.
JennJay Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I would just ask her about it again, since she is the one who brought it up to you the first time. 2 of my bm forgot to bring theres and they havent mailed it yet either, but I know they have a card for us.

stoebe07 Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

I know that you are upset, but you have to remember one thing... She was in your wedding party, and the wedding is really about spending the day with you and your DH to celebrate your love. Even though she should have given you a card, don't let it bother you.

oOMarshmallowOo Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

It's funny that you mentioned this because I was in similiar situation for my brother's wedding. My brother told me that I could invite some close friends of mine to the wedding, since some of these friends of my were pretty close with my brother as well (since my brother and I were very close growing up). One of my friend came to my brother, Rob's wedding with a guest (which was fine, because we always invite a friend with a guest). Keep in mind that during the whole night of the wedding, I never said a single word to him about either card, gift or money. Toward the end of the night, my friend came up to me and said 'Oh, my friend, Angela, and I have a card for your brother and we totally forgot that it's taboo to give 'white enveloped' gift to Chinese family (which he's right for very traditional family, since only at funerals you give white envelops)'. He continued to tell me that he'll mail us the check at a later date. I said to him, 'you guys are too thoughtful, and we are not traditional like that since we live in US now....and practically 90% of the card envelop we received were white..so it's okay!' I also said....'do whatever makes you more comfortable'.
Sooooo....weeks went by, months went by and it's been 2 years since my brother has been married...still nothing!! I was hesitant to call and ask for the check because I wasn't sure if he really mailed it out and sent to the wrong address or he just bluffed me!!! It wasn't really the money I'm after but more of 'what happened to the card?'
I guess, just let it go!! It is a tough situation though. There's no friendly way of bringing this up with her.
I guess it's pretty common for people to pull this off!!!!!
Audreygirl Posted:

Re: What do you think? BM gave me no card for wedding.

Posted by oOMarshmallowOo

It's funny that you mentioned this because I was in similiar situation for my brother's wedding. My brother told me that I could invite some close friends of mine to the wedding, since some of these friends of my were pretty close with my brother as well (since my brother and I were very close growing up). One of my friend came to my brother, Rob's wedding with a guest (which was fine, because we always invite a friend with a guest). Keep in mind that during the whole night of the wedding, I never said a single word to him about either card, gift or money. Toward the end of the night, my friend came up to me and said 'Oh, my friend, Angela, and I have a card for your brother and we totally forgot that it's taboo to give 'white enveloped' gift to Chinese family (which he's right for very traditional family, since only at funerals you give white envelops)'. He continued to tell me that he'll mail us the check at a later date. I said to him, 'you guys are too thoughtful, and we are not traditional like that since we live in US now....and practically 90% of the card envelop we received were white..so it's okay!' I also said....'do whatever makes you more comfortable'.
Sooooo....weeks went by, months went by and it's been 2 years since my brother has been married...still nothing!! I was hesitant to call and ask for the check because I wasn't sure if he really mailed it out and sent to the wrong address or he just bluffed me!!! It wasn't really the money I'm after but more of 'what happened to the card?'
I guess, just let it go!! It is a tough situation though. There's no friendly way of bringing this up with her.
I guess it's pretty common for people to pull this off!!!!!


that stinks. i'm still not sure what to do. i was having some reservations about her during the wedding planning anyway (she is a 'woe is me' person). BUT she mentioned the envelope and a check, not me, meaning that she knows it's appropriate to give a gift for the wedding, a card at the VERY least, and acknowledged that she did not have one for the wedding. i guess i'll see what to do. money is such a sensitive issue and it usually has to be dealt with in such a manner, also considering the personality of the person who you will be bringing it up with. hmmmmm.

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