What do you think - When you get married... (The second half of the question)

Are you marrying the family too? Or are you just marrying the man?

Depending on who I talk to I hear it both ways - My cousin says 'be careful, you're marrying his family too you know' My best friend says 'you're marrying HIM, not his family'

What do you think?

Needless to say, I'm not a fan of FI's family at all - and they're nothing like him! FI's mom left him as a little boy and moved here with his sister, he was tossed around between other relatives families (his father died when he was a baby) until he moved here and they moved him into a basement apt. by himself at the age of 14! He hasn't lived with his mom since he was 7. But he adores his family - even though they're not great to him (to say the least). His mom actually even made other plans that didn't include him on mothers day! At the last minute they fell through so he got a phone call at 11pm the night before saying what are you doing for me? UGH! So after spending Sunday with them I don't think I can take it! (This is not a first) When I get like this I wonder who am I marrying - cause I want to marry FI - definitely DO NOT want to marry the family!

PART TWO:

So then, since everyone says you are marrying the family, my next question is:

If you COULD NOT STAND your FI's family, would you still marry him???

I'm curious. Would your love for FI outweigh REALLY TERRIBLE, I mean no way you couldn't HATE them, inlaws?

P.S. - No, I don't feel this way about my FI's family. I'm just being dramatic because I'm curious to know if any of you would say bye to your FI if things were that bad.

we're both marrying the family..

Well, his family is moving to Florida after the wedding. I'm hoping this will help a bit. I wouldn't care so much but they treat him so badly! He always comes home depressed and it takes me forever to cheer him up again! He's always trying to please them and he's always getting kicked down! It makes me so mad!

Yes, you are.

They are apart of him and you have to accept them, you do not have to love them, but tolerate them.

...I know... SIGH ... FI and I talk about moving to some tropical island far away where no one will visit us and the phone bills are too expensive to call!

P.S. - FI LOVES my family! He invited them to come to our island!

You are marrying the man but the family is a big part of it.

You're marrying your FH, but his family is a big part of him....you'll be cheering him up for a long time, but look at it as a chance to do something nice for him Fortunately, they're going to be in FL, now just make sure he never wants to move there!

You are marrying him. There is no doubt about that. However, his family is a part of him. They are a part of him whether good, bad... That will not change.

This is just my opinion. You can't change them, but you can change how you react to them. You can also help your FH deal with how he reacts to them.

I am not saying that this is license for them to treat your FH or you any way that they want to. But I believe that it is futile to attempt to change someones behavior. But you can change how you react to it.

Once again, his family is there...but I think the choice is yours whether you choose to make them in-laws or out-laws. That is just my $0.02.

I hope this helps.

If either of us had to marry the families on a full-time, year round basis, we'd both have to think twice. LOL

...but seriously, our families are all over the country so it's not a big deal.

I am DEFINITELY marrying the family. Are you kidding me?

He doesn't really marry mine though....they all live in Texas so he'll see them 3 times a year....

I think it's up to the couple. We love our families, but we def. have BOUNDARIES!

Our families would see us every weekend if it were up to them, but we've made it clear that that is just not us, and they've adjusted.

i'm south asian .. you can't possibly marry just the man.

a marriage is between two families .. no other way around it