What do you think - When you get married... (The second half of the question)

Original post by Jan60504

May 13, 2003 10:49 AM

Are you marrying the family too? Or are you just marrying the man?

Depending on who I talk to I hear it both ways - My cousin says 'be careful, you're marrying his family too you know' My best friend says 'you're marrying HIM, not his family'

What do you think?

Needless to say, I'm not a fan of FI's family at all - and they're nothing like him! FI's mom left him as a little boy and moved here with his sister, he was tossed around between other relatives families (his father died when he was a baby) until he moved here and they moved him into a basement apt. by himself at the age of 14! He hasn't lived with his mom since he was 7. But he adores his family - even though they're not great to him (to say the least). His mom actually even made other plans that didn't include him on mothers day! At the last minute they fell through so he got a phone call at 11pm the night before saying what are you doing for me? UGH! So after spending Sunday with them I don't think I can take it! (This is not a first) When I get like this I wonder who am I marrying - cause I want to marry FI - definitely DO NOT want to marry the family!

PART TWO:

So then, since everyone says you are marrying the family, my next question is:

If you COULD NOT STAND your FI's family, would you still marry him???

I'm curious. Would your love for FI outweigh REALLY TERRIBLE, I mean no way you couldn't HATE them, inlaws?

P.S. - No, I don't feel this way about my FI's family. I'm just being dramatic because I'm curious to know if any of you would say bye to your FI if things were that bad.

Jan60504 Posted: May 13, 2003 03:06 PM

Re: What do you think - When you get married...

So then, since everyone says you are marrying the family, my next question is:

If you COULD NOT STAND your FI's family, would you still marry him???

I'm curious. Would your love for FI outweigh REALLY TERRIBLE, I mean no way you couldn't HATE them, inlaws?

P.S. - No, I don't feel this way about my FI's family. I'm just being dramatic because I'm curious to know if any of you would say bye to your FI if things were that bad.

michele31 Posted: May 13, 2003 03:21 PM

Re: What do you think - When you get married...

You are marrying the man, but his family will be a huge part of your lives. It also depends on your FH and his views on family. It also depends on his family's view on your relationship. My in-law family lives in MA so I do not have the day-to-day relationship with them that DH has with my family. He told me during our engagement that I come before anyone in his family- as his wife that is how it should be. But many men/women do not feel that way. My family is very important to me and Scott respects that. You cannot really seperate me from them. If your DH's family is very involved in your lives before the wedding, it will continue afterwards. If you hate them now, it will probably just get worse. Try to work out your problems/issues before the wedding. Once you have children people tend to get even more involved.