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what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

the future mrs m Posted:

what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Since dating my FH, the biggest compromise I have had to make has been not getting into it with him when he's moody or snappy. In past relationships I would have made this an issue, now I just look at him or become quiet and he knows he was in the wrong and we deal with it quickly. I wonder how I will deal with this once we live together in three months. What has been an issue you've had to swallow and 'keep it moving with?'

HollyMac Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

I was pushing really hard for FH to lose weight before the wedding. Four months before and he still makes no attempt. I don't mention it anymore and he hasn't snapped at me since.
I have decided that if that's our biggest problem we're doing ok.
chatxleau24 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

no compromises as of yet ...but he wants me to 'make a decision' about our pet situation. I have 4 cats and a dog and he has 2 cats. Its crazy but I dont see any options other than putting them to sleep or in a shelter which i wont do. My cats are old and no one will adopt them.

sigh...dunno what to do
the future mrs m Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

chat--
we are also having a pet situation too. i have 2 puppies that are yappy and need tons of attention and mess up the house frequently. Alot of work!

My FH has never had a dog of his own. he wants a manly dog. So he's getting one this summer.
Can you imagine 3 dogs and a mean cat in one house? UGH!

As for your situation, putting your cats to sleep seems so sad. That would be so difficult for me.

good luck.
erdbeere Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

I guess my biggest compromise is that I stayed in Germany with FH rather than making him move back to NJ with me...but I already told him that when we have kids I want to live in near my family atleast for a few years...so I guess that will be his turn to compromise.

rojerono Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

We have two little boys together and have needed to compromise on a lot of things. The biggest thing has been drinking. When we have our kids with us I am ADAMENT that neither of us drink to excess. FH is one of those guys that drinks to get drunk - not to enjoy the taste of a glass of wine. Since our kids are ALWAYS with us, he has had to give up drinking. In fact - we are both worried about drinking at the wedding since they will be there and we will likely be nervous and not eating a lot. So we decided not to drink at the wedding either.

Me? I used to be a screamer - and not in a good way. It would take a LOOOONG time for me to get truly angry - but when I did - WATCH OUT! Screaming, yelling, throwing stuff. I am also pretty physical and I smacked him the first time we ever had a real fight. Well... that did not go over well with FH since he is a less emotional type. I have learned to discuss little issues BEFORE they fester and become HUGE issues. I also have learned to express my anger in quieter and more effective ways.
missalissa Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by the future mrs m

chat--
we are also having a pet situation too. i have 2 puppies that are yappy and need tons of attention and mess up the house frequently. Alot of work!

My FH has never had a dog of his own. he wants a manly dog. So he's getting one this summer.
Can you imagine 3 dogs and a mean cat in one house? UGH!

As for your situation, putting your cats to sleep seems so sad. That would be so difficult for me.

good luck.


Same problem here - my FH is allergic to, and HATES, dogs, he hates my little chihuahua...and does NOT want to get a house if shes going be there!
DMart Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by HollyMac

I was pushing really hard for FH to lose weight before the wedding. Four months before and he still makes no attempt. I don't mention it anymore and he hasn't snapped at me since.
I have decided that if that's our biggest problem we're doing ok.



Mine is the same as yours... I can't deal with fighting every time I mention anything about his weight.. I just stopped it altogether.

Edited to Add: I almost forgot... moving to Jersey! That was a hell of a compromise!
SylvieB Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by the future mrs m

Since dating my FH, the biggest compromise I have had to make has been not getting into it with him when he's moody or snappy. In past relationships I would have made this an issue, now I just look at him or become quiet and he knows he was in the wrong and we deal with it quickly. I wonder how I will deal with this once we live together in three months. What has been an issue you've had to swallow and 'keep it moving with?'


Same here. Fh is very laid back & easy going, but when he's pissed, forget it. Me- I'm a woman a social worker on top of that so I like to talk. I like to discuss a situation right then & there. He has to walk away, cool down and come back. This used to drive me crazy b/c I'm like 'You can;t just leave me standing here w/ all this emotion!!' But we had several discussions and he agreed to discuss to a certain point and I agreed to dive him some time if it gets really bad.

Fortunately, we rarely argue and this is our only issue, he's a good man so I'll deal.
MrsBrags7706 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

agreeing to live in a town where I don't know anyone and where I am 30 mins-1 hour and a half away from my family. not to mention, compromising on living in a town, where he's lived all his life, and living next to HIS parents!

uuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
lizzynyu Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

I think the biggest compromise is learning to live with a fireman. I have a major fear of fire and I also have a fear of losing people I love. My dad had a stroke when I was 12 (13 years ago today actually) and he's been in a nursing home ever since. My mom has Multiple Sclerosis and its been tough for me growing up. I didn't want to put myself in a situation where there could be a possibility of my husband (GOD-FORBID 1million x's) being killed on duty and leaving me and our future children alone. We almost broke up over this past summer when we first moved in together because it was so hard for me. I'm still scared to death for him everyday that he goes to work but at least he'll be getting off probation soon so he will be able to actually call me during the day now. I've tried to be better about it. But whenever he's at work, I watch the news like a fiend just to make sure there is nothing going on. I hope in time this will get better. He also compromised for me too by moving to Brooklyn from Manhasset where he grew up so that I could be close to my mom b/c I don't drive.

Trishthedish Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by chatxleau24

no compromises as of yet ...but he wants me to 'make a decision' about our pet situation. I have 4 cats and a dog and he has 2 cats. Its crazy but I dont see any options other than putting them to sleep or in a shelter which i wont do. My cats are old and no one will adopt them.

sigh...dunno what to do


I hate to say it but I have 2 cats and if FH wanted me to rid of them so he could live with me, I think not b/c they are like my children.

Please, please, please do not get rid of you babies or put them to sleep! In my opinion, when you decide to take on an animal, they are your family and you have made a commitment to love them and take care of them for the rest of their lives.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it just urks me when I hear things like this.
Kara and Todd Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by Trishthedish

Posted by chatxleau24

no compromises as of yet ...but he wants me to 'make a decision' about our pet situation. I have 4 cats and a dog and he has 2 cats. Its crazy but I dont see any options other than putting them to sleep or in a shelter which i wont do. My cats are old and no one will adopt them.

sigh...dunno what to do


I hate to say it but I have 2 cats and if FH wanted me to rid of them so he could live with me, I think not b/c they are like my children.

Please, please, please do not get rid of you babies or put them to sleep! In my opinion, when you decide to take on an animal, they are your family and you have made a commitment to love them and take care of them for the rest of their lives.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it just urks me when I hear things like this.


In fairness to the person you quoted, she said she would NOT put them to sleep or take them to a shelter...
chatxleau24 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by Trishthedish

Posted by chatxleau24

no compromises as of yet ...but he wants me to 'make a decision' about our pet situation. I have 4 cats and a dog and he has 2 cats. Its crazy but I dont see any options other than putting them to sleep or in a shelter which i wont do. My cats are old and no one will adopt them.

sigh...dunno what to do


I hate to say it but I have 2 cats and if FH wanted me to rid of them so he could live with me, I think not b/c they are like my children.

Please, please, please do not get rid of you babies or put them to sleep! In my opinion, when you decide to take on an animal, they are your family and you have made a commitment to love them and take care of them for the rest of their lives.

I don't mean to sound harsh but it just urks me when I hear things like this.


i wont... its NOT an option... and shelters arent options either. Theyre my babies. Two of my cats I got in my first apartment when i was 18 ... theyve been with me for 12 years!! much longer than FH!! i told him that when we move into the new house, we will section off an area for them...so we can contain the mess.
amylove81 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Moving four states to be closer to my fiance. I love where I am now, but making the move would work out great because my parents and most of my family live in the same area of new york.

amylove81 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Oh Lord, please don't put your animals to sleep, they are your family too!
rkl1130 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

The biggest compromise came when he became a Marine. We spent almost 3 years apart--2 deployments and almost 1 year in training in Texas. It was his dream though and he had been so supportive when I took a break from school and then went back to finish and start off my career. It's amazing what you learn about yourself and surprising at how strong one can be when you have to be.

leena07 Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Dealing with being in a long distance relationship and me having to move to ny from california. here i come winter weather!
LuvMyAlfonse Posted:

Re: what has the biggest compromise been in your relationship?

Posted by rojerono

Me? I used to be a screamer - and not in a good way. It would take a LOOOONG time for me to get truly angry - but when I did - WATCH OUT! Screaming, yelling, throwing stuff. I am also pretty physical and I smacked him the first time we ever had a real fight. Well... that did not go over well with FH since he is a less emotional type. I have learned to discuss little issues BEFORE they fester and become HUGE issues. I also have learned to express my anger in quieter and more effective ways.


Me too. I yell and curse and WANT to slap. Working on it right now, slowly but surely.

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