My FI is not originally from the U.S. and really is not familar with how weddings work here. He is not involved at all and really doesn't seem to consider this to be a big deal (he is inviting 4 people and only his brother is coming from his family since his parents do not think it is worth the trip since it's not a real wedding!!!)
Anyway, I'm wondering if there is anything I can do to include him. He's not interested in looking at flowers or cakes and had to miss the tasting because of another obligation. I feel he is so disconnected from the process.
I think he'll help print the STD cards and that may be it!!!
Ideas???? What is your FI doing?
divabride
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
How is this not a 'real wedding'? Anyway, if it's really bothering you, you should let him know. If your fine running things on your own, then let it be. Either way, let him know whats on your mind. Maybe he doesnt understand how we do things around here.
TwoBugs
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
I think you have to pick your battles. I don't expect my FH to be interested in things like flowers or cakes or what color the BM dresses will be or what we will give as favors. But he has helped with music, entree choices, narrowing down the photographer, the honeymoon, etc. I would be mad as heck otherwise, because this isn't just MY day, it's about the two of us! Good luck!!
tourist
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
why do they not consider it a real weddign? My FH icalled all the churches b/c I tried to & it stressed me out too much. He is now looking into Honeymoon ideas, and he went with me to see the hall, but i do all teh onlien research.
He also came with me to register.
Invitations, music, and photgraphy are more my intersts anyway, so I'll do msot of it & ge this opinion when I narrow it down. We discussed in general about the type of music (band v.s dj).Also, I don't have a car, so he drives
He volunteered that to be his major contribution, but he is very helpful, I just have to start the process.
ETA: we will pick the cake & food together- he's excited about that part.
Diane
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
he helped with a lot of things, such as picking our vendors, and he came to the florist with me, because he wanted me to carry the most beautiful bouquet The little things, he left it up to me. He couldnt be bothered, because he knew I would pick nice things
NYCHICK
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
Why is it not a real wedding? I don't think you can make him, I agree with the other post and pick your battles. It doesn't sound like this is one that you are going to win. As long as he is excited about getting married then it is ok.
My FH was MUCH better than I thought. We chose every vendor together, and always had hour long conversations about how we felt, what we liked and did not like. I tried to pass on the knowlege I gained from these boards and he was open to it, so he knew what he was looking at when we went to see vendors. I agree with Mistene that sometimes i wish he could be more enthusiatic but men aren't wired the same way, so I am glad he has been involved the way he has.
Misstene
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
I think you guys need to chat. I think if you tell him how you're feeling, maybe he'd be more sensitive to the matter.
My FH is involved, but not involved... does that makes sense? I don't mind running things and quite frankly, it's better than arguing over making decisions etc. but sometimes I want him to be more enthusiastic and he's just not. He's like another photo guy to go see... great. Me, I'm all over it!!!
On the other hand, he's getting the DJ as his project and so far, he's embracing it!
It just frustrates me when I get a little crazy about time... and OMG I need a videographer and OMG I need an officiant and flowers and all this stuff and he's going... RELAX... RELAX... I wanna be like... you're absolutely right, I'll relax, you take over!!!!!!!
* Thanks for the opportunity to vent!
luvsun27
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
I agree with the other ladies...my FH has helped me make the final decisions after I narrow down the choices. I made all the phone calls to set up appts. with vendors and such...but he came along (except for flowers). Maybe you should talk to your FH and see what he thinks...maybe he doesn't know what he's supposed to do and he's waiting for you to tell him? Good luck.
Xelindrya
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
Jim was born in Hong Kong but raised here in Long Island. Has only been to Chinese and Indian weddings.
Im from Texas and have never been to a New York/Long Island wedding.
We just agreed that we are just NOT the a-typical couple. Reading stuff from here has really helped us decide on a lot of things we just won't do. We just can't picture ourselves being forced into someone elses vision of weddings.
Jim helps me tons.. in laughing at traditions as well as thinking of new things to make our wedding unique.
So yes.. he helps with everything.
pinkstar025
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
the only thing my FI isnt helping with is my gown. Otherwise he has been there for every other little detail. You should explain to your FI how inportant this is to you. ANd he loves you and will appreciate your interteest as well.
LIJuneBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
If it doesn't bother either of you that he's not involved, then that's fine - that's what works for you. If it does bother one or both of you, then try to find things that might interest him. To many FHs, the music is very important so maybe finding a DJ or band. My FH has been involved in quite a bit of the planning - I dragged him to about thirty catering halls; half dozen photographers, videographers and DJs; a bridal expo, invitation place, shopping for favors (which he chose, by the way) - even shoe shopping (which I still haven't purchased). I just see how much he can tolerate and try not to push him, and also see what is more important to him and go from there.
btrflygrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
FH picked the hall, picked the photographer, agreed to the DJ, helped make centerpieces, came to the expo, put invites together with me, picked the tuxes out by himself, got the loan for our honeymoon
samsbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
Just to clarify - they say it isn't a real wedding because it is in the U.S. They are having their own wedding for us later but haven't told me anything about it. Trust me - this is too much to explain. My real issue now is just getting my FI to be excited about the wedding here since it will not involve his family and he is also just not that interested.
butterfly20
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
hmmm...
my fh seemed to like meeting with the dj companies, to see which ones he felt comfortable with...
print the save the date would be a good idea..
May2704bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
Let's see FH helped or shall I say partcipated in the decision making of the ff:
Catering Hall Photographer Videographer
Everything else was pretty much my decision.
Robeymuse
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
He is helping with absolutely everything. He has talked to all of our vendors, researched little details with me, and even offered to buy me a plane ticket so I can go home to taste cakes. Heck, he just spent the past two days after work, driving me all over town to look at china for the registry. He is not from NY either and at first he was blown away by how different weddings in NY/LI can be from here, but he is a trooper
Becky
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
Well, my DH is from here and he helped me by giving me a ring and showing up to the church on time.
Seriously, he helped me pick out the reception hall and we picked out his tux together. He kept telling me that we could eat pizza in a backyard for all he cared, as long as we were married.
MissM
Posted:
Member since
Re: What help did FI give you??
My FI was not born in the US either. It is challenging because of the different cultures.
He is not really involved - he can't grasp the concept that you have to plan so far in advance. I do the research, and pass it by him before I make things final.
This works for me. We have the same tastes and things seem to be working out fine.
If you need to talk - FM me. I know how you feel!!
