What if...

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Posted by Soon2beAlberti

My FH kissed his ex gf about 3 years ago. I found out he lied to me about where he went and had to pry it out of him, because I already knew he had lied. he still swears to this day that it was nothing more than a kiss and I believe him (he's an awful liar so its easy to tell). I know with 100% certainty it never happened again and that he has not cheated on me since that because i know where he is and with whom at all times. he calls me b4 work, on a lunch break, after work when he's working off the job site, on the way home and then he arrives promtly at home and spends his time with me or he hangs out with our housemate. If I had let him go because of what he did and the fact that I had to pry it out of him...It would have been an awful mistake. He is the love of my life...and while maybe at that time he wasn't 100% ready to commit and wastesting to see if there was any spark left with his ex...He is now more excited than he ever has been about anything to marry me. So while I tore him a new arsehole and still to this day have not forgotten it...I'm glad that I allowed myself to work it out and move on. I'm the happiest I've ever been and madly in love.

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Wow, I really must agree with everything you just said! I really honestly think guys sometimes will test the water and see if there is anything left with an ex ... marriage should not be taken lightly, and sometimes you need to make sure the one your about to marry is the absolute RIGHT person. I went through the same thing with FH, and people tell me everyday that they have never seen a guy so excited for his wedding. I love my FH to death, and I can't picture my life without him, so what if he almost kissed his ex, he comes home to ME EVERY night!

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Posted by futuremrspalomino

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Posted by Soon2beAlberti

My FH kissed his ex gf about 3 years ago. I found out he lied to me about where he went and had to pry it out of him, because I already knew he had lied. he still swears to this day that it was nothing more than a kiss and I believe him (he's an awful liar so its easy to tell). I know with 100% certainty it never happened again and that he has not cheated on me since that because i know where he is and with whom at all times. he calls me b4 work, on a lunch break, after work when he's working off the job site, on the way home and then he arrives promtly at home and spends his time with me or he hangs out with our housemate. If I had let him go because of what he did and the fact that I had to pry it out of him...It would have been an awful mistake. He is the love of my life...and while maybe at that time he wasn't 100% ready to commit and wastesting to see if there was any spark left with his ex...He is now more excited than he ever has been about anything to marry me. So while I tore him a new arsehole and still to this day have not forgotten it...I'm glad that I allowed myself to work it out and move on. I'm the happiest I've ever been and madly in love.

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Wow, I really must agree with everything you just said! I really honestly think guys sometimes will test the water and see if there is anything left with an ex ... marriage should not be taken lightly, and sometimes you need to make sure the one your about to marry is the absolute RIGHT person. I went through the same thing with FH, and people tell me everyday that they have never seen a guy so excited for his wedding. I love my FH to death, and I can't picture my life without him, so what if he almost kissed his ex, he comes home to ME EVERY night!

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I agree with you and soon2bealberti....

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Posted by ILOVEBRIAN2008

hmm thats tough...bc honestly i think i would have to actually be in that position to really know how id react

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ditto

i think it depends on thier relationship....if she forgives him and he changed then that is between them.....
all relationships take work and no one is perfect

I might (might not) be able to forgive the cheating, but I could NEVER forgive the lying or not telling me. I would NEVER trust him again, once trust is gone, you don't have much.
I'm sorry for your friend..I hope she's able to work it out and do what's right for her.

It sounded like he wanted to come clean before the wedding. It shows how remorseful he is and how he doesnt want to enter their marriage with lies. If he treats her like a queen and has apologized, then I dont know. I might stay. I would really have to be in the situation. Its real easy for people outside to say, 'Hell no, Id leave him' But things are different when youre part of the situation. If she really believes he would never do it again then its up to her to forgive him.

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Posted by november152008

i think it depends on thier relationship....if she forgives him and he changed then that is between them.....
all relationships take work and no one is perfect

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i think that's a great point.
no one here can say if SHE should take HIM back.
We don't know their relationship to be able to make that kind of call.
and while you look at him and see all these great things he's done for her... it doesn't mean that she'll be able to get over that hurt.

if she can forgive him and move on, awesome!
FH and I had major problems in our past, not in our 'relationship' b/c we didn't officially have one back then... but if we hadn't forgiven eachother for everything that happened, we wouldnt be together today, or be as happy as we are.

the only thing i want to say, is doing great nice things for your significant other, does not give you a get out of jail free card. i know that in my situation i looked back on all the good my ex had done, and it was tainted because i wondered if it was all out of guilt.
the cheating is forgivable. everything is forgivable. forgetting and keeping the trust up, that's the hard part.

whatever your friend does, i hope she thinks long and hard before she makes a decision. and i hope she finds peace with whatever decision it is.

First off, i'm so sorry for your BM. No one EVER deserves to be cheated on...one time or not..it should have never happened.

You're right, the decision is tough, but when all is said and done, I couldn't stay with someone who cheated on me, much less marry that person.

You go into a marriage with trust and honesty..and in my opinion he lost that. I can't imagine going through my wedding day with that in the back of my head. On your wedding day, how do you make vows to be honest with one another when you can't say that with joy and happiness knowing it's already happened? How are you suppose to make a speech or hear everyone telling you how great of a couple you make when they have no idea what happened?

Last but not least...if he does it again (when you're finally married) it'll be so much harder to deal with if he did it again.
I rather feel the pain now and get over it, than attempt to give a second chance and deal with it yet again...when it's going to be 100 times harder.

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Posted by ILOVEBRIAN2008

hmm thats tough...bc honestly i think i would have to actually be in that position to really know how id react

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same so i did not vote