What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?

I've been engaged for going on two years now, and have PLENTY of time to think things over, but last night on our way home from eating dinner, I started to cry HYSTERICALLY because I don't want to change my name. But I also don't want to NOT change it. I feel so torn over this. My name is my NAME. I mean, that's my IDENTITY. It's been my identity for 25 years, and now I'm expected tp change that? How is that fair? But at the same time, I don't want my children to not have the same name as their parents. I don't know. I'm just so upset over this for some reason.

Re: What is wrong with me?

Well, it may also just be the fact that after all this time of simmering and planning that it is REALLY starting to come clearly into focus, you know. Don;t do everything at once. You have lots of options. You can make your maiden name your middle name or hyphenate. You can use maiden professionally and married in personal life. You can make the change in two years, if you are ready then, or never. Let it happen. Don;t force it.

Re: What is wrong with me?

Re: What is wrong with me?

Re: What is wrong with me?

I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel so torn. I really don't want to lose my last name. I'll be 30 when we marry and I finally got my Ph.D. a year ago. My whole life has been with this name and I feel really connected to that lovely little part of my name. However, I agree I'd like to share a family name. Then again, I don't feel like splitting it up professionally and personally either. I really really can't decide at all. I agree with what I think DebMaher said-- you can always change it at any time. Don't force it, just choose over time. You don't have to decide by your wedding day :)

Re: What is wrong with me?

Awwwww I feel your pain. I am attached to my last name too. Sometimes people even call me by my last name and I like that.

Re: What is wrong with me?

I felt that way too, i think all girls do..its hard..but like you I realized I want my kids to have the same last name as me so taking on a new last name was a no brainer for me. You could always hyphenate it?>??

Re: What is wrong with me?

The prospect of my life changing drastically, after marriage - especially after kids - really scares me, not so much the name change. I don't mind changing my last name - I would have a much harder time changing my first! My last name doesn't define who I am, in fact, I always disliked it.

'Whats in a name? A rose with any other name will smell as sweet'

You will still be the great person you are...

Re: What is wrong with me?

I really struggled as well with this. I cried.

I have decided that for everyday things, my new name is just fine - and it sounds pretty.

For professional purposes, I will still be my wonderful, strong, fun name.

You can have both. The adjustment is the hard part.

Re: What is wrong with me?

I know how you feel. I had no problem whatsoever changing my name.. before we got engaged. Now i'm like well why do i have to change my name if he doesn't have to change his? In the long run I know i'm going to change it, but for right now it really freaks me out and FH doesn't really understand because i had no problem with it before.

i think its just another one of those things that will take time to get used to. I know on the day of my wedding I'm not going out to change my name.. but a week or so after the honeymoon i'll go down and get it done.. if i dont procrastinate

Re: What is wrong with me?

Re: What is wrong with me?

I have had a ongoing issue withe that I mean I like my name but then I thought about how we are gonna start a faimily togather and I relized it wil be all worth it. Besides it does'nt change who you are as a person just think of it as you are now starting a whole new chapter in your life.

Re: What is wrong with me?

Im keeping mine

Re: What is wrong with me?

Re: What is wrong with me?

I definately am taking his last name. I am tired of hearing the same mis pronounciation of my name. I like his last name. And its the same initial. So i'll get to keep my initials E.F

Re: What is wrong with me?

Thank you for all of your replies I've been thinking about this all day and I still don't know what I want to do. I just feel like my mother raised me to be such an independent person and I feel like I will lose part of that independence by changing my name. JT doesn't care either way, he just wants me to be happy, but I'm just so confused. I think it also bothers me that my sister and I are the last ones to have this last name, and after that, there's no one. I mean, my parents will still have it, but I don't have any brothers to carry on our family name. And then I keep getting upset because I feel like maybe I am resisting starting my own family with an identity separate from my parents. I don't know. I hate what my new last name will be. It sounds awful with my first name and from what JT told me, my kids can expect to be made fun of in school for it. I tried to get him to take my last name, but that was a no way in hell deal. I don't know what to do still Thanks again, girls. I really do appreciate you sharing with me. It's somethign that is more personal than I thought it would be

Re: What is wrong with me?

Re: What is wrong with me?

Oh I know how you feel! My friend just got married in June and we're were talking about how dramatic it is to change your name, it breaks your heart because you feel like you're not going to be 'you' anymore, or like part of your own family. She has gotten over it, I'm sure you'll be fine. She had to get used to it, she hasn't gotten used to the 'Mrs' part yet- makes her feel old!

Re: What is wrong with me?

Aw, don't beat yourself up...reading all the wonderful responses above it sounds like it's very normal for you to feel the way you do. I'm not changing my last name...mainly because my fiance has the most common last name in the spanish language and mine is so rare that only my father's brothers have it and the few in the US that have are related to me...so I'm really attached and think it's very special.
Our kids will have their father's 'normal' last name though. It's very common for spanish women (at least from the caribbean) to keep their last name. None of my aunts or mom took thier husbands last name. My older sister hyphenated and she hyphenated the kid's too. Do whatever feels right. I think Deb put it best...you have a long time to decide what to do...forever!
Feel better!

Re: What is wrong with me?

Ok, so I was so upset again last night that I woke JT up and made him have a talk with me about this issue again.
I decided that I think I'm going to hyphenate my name and he said he would consider adding my last name to his and hyphenating it, too. I'm still not thrilled with the change, but I'm glad JT is willing to compromise on it. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories with me....I really do appreciate it. I must be having a couple of days of inner turmoil because I feel like everythign is bothering me. So thanks again, girls.